DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Donna," and I have shared a wonderful relationship for nearly three years. During her college days she had a sexual encounter with her best female friend. (They had been friends since high school.)

Although they graduated from college five years ago, they continue to see each other. Donna tells me that nothing sexual goes on between them. Personally, I don't trust her friend. Please help me get over this. -- TONY IN WHITTIER

DEAR TONY: Forget about not trusting Donna's longtime friend. Do you trust Donna? You have been together nearly three years and obviously, you talk about everything. Ask her if, after experimenting with her friend, she still has hankerings in that direction. If the answer is no, believe her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a lady for the past few months. How do I tell her that I want out without hurting her badly?

I have tried a couple of times to end things, but she gets hysterical, starts crying and accuses me of wanting someone else, which is not true. Please give me some advice. -- IN A FIX, PASCAGOULA, MISS.

DEAR IN A FIX: If you want out, prepare yourself for her emotional reaction. As you can see, she does not take this kind of news well. Tell her again that you want to end the relationship. When she starts crying and accusing you of wanting someone else, hand her a tissue and tell her you think she's "great," but you're not ready to settle down with anyone right now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like to go to funerals. In the 25 years we have been together, I think he has only been to three -- and that was only because he had been asked to be a pallbearer. Fortunately, we haven't had to deal with many losses on either side of the family.

We were talking recently and he shared that he would not go to his own mother's funeral! They have a very close relationship, and he explained that he only wants to remember her in life, not in a coffin. I feel he should set aside his own uncomfortable feelings and be there for the rest of the family -- especially his brothers and sisters. What do you think? -- PAM IN SPRINGFIELD, OHIO

DEAR PAM: Your husband's feelings may change when the inevitable happens. However, whatever he decides -- and I cannot stress this strongly enough -- you should back him up, be there for him and not judge him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like to go to funerals. In the 25 years we have been together, I think he has only been to three -- and that was only because he had been asked to be a pallbearer. Fortunately, we haven't had to deal with many losses on either side of the family.

We were talking recently and he shared that he would not go to his own mother's funeral! They have a very close relationship, and he explained that he only wants to remember her in life, not in a coffin. I feel he should set aside his own uncomfortable feelings and be there for the rest of the family -- especially his brothers and sisters. What do you think? -- PAM IN SPRINGFIELD, OHIO

DEAR PAM: Your husband's feelings may change when the inevitable happens. However, whatever he decides -- and I cannot stress this strongly enough -- you should back him up, be there for him and not judge him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband started exercising, is now on a strict diet and listening to love songs from the '60s. He has never been interested in these things before.

I overheard him on the phone talking about going to his high school reunion this summer, 400 miles away. When I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it to me, he said it's because I'm not invited. I was shocked. Then he said he's going with three of his old "buddies." I asked if their wives were going and he said, "No, they're divorced, but have girlfriends."

My husband is now giving me the silent treatment. He has a history of keeping things from me, but never anything like this. This is his 50th reunion, and the first one he has ever wanted to go to. I'm sick about it. What do you make of all this? -- HEARTSICK IN OREGON

DEAR HEARTSICK: I make of it that you don't trust your husband because he tries to sneak things past you and wasn't upfront about this from the beginning. If he had said he was planning to attend, and that he and three of his old buddies wanted to pretend they were teenagers again, you might have felt differently. Because he didn't, I can see why you would find the situation threatening.

Since you seem to have trouble communicating your feelings to each other, some sessions with a marriage counselor might help you reach a better understanding.

P.S. While he's gone, arrange to do something fun with some of your women friends. A girls' weekend might be a pleasant diversion, and at this point you need one.

DEAR ABBY: I left my wife for a much younger woman two years ago. Despite what my ex-wife says, it was not a mid-life crisis. I was very unhappy with my wife and our marriage. Our divorce has been final for seven months -- although I'm beginning to wonder if it will ever truly be "final."

My girlfriend, "Nicole," is anxious for us to be married and start building a life together. I'm still overwhelmed from how unbelievably painful the whole divorce process has been, and I can't begin to think about getting married again at the moment.

I have told Nicole that I'm not ready and I need some time. She says I'm "stringing her along," and even though she doesn't want to have kids, she still feels her clock is ticking for finding an acceptable mate. It has reached the point where Nicole says she is going to leave me if I don't commit to marrying her.

What is a reasonable time to expect someone to recover and be emotionally ready to remarry after an extremely bitter divorce? And what do you suggest? -- STILL HEALING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STILL HEALING: Some people are ready to remarry within months of a divorce. For others, the healing process can take years. I suggest you call Nicole's bluff. She is anxious because she is beginning to doubt that she'll get you to the altar -- and the "biological clock" business she's handing you is ridiculous in light of the fact that she doesn't want children.

The feelings you are experiencing are normal after a bitter divorce. Please do not allow yourself to be stampeded. When the time is right for you to remarry, you will know it without my telling you.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents are both in their 80s, and I try to stay in touch with them as often as possible. Unfortunately, one issue I cannot get through to them is when to call 911 for help. Example: If Mom trips and falls, Dad needs to call 911 rather than struggle to help her up. One or both of them could be injured due to lack of strength or ability.

Also, if a stranger rings their doorbell or calls on the phone and asks them questions about checking accounts, etc., this person should be reported.

How do I impress upon my parents the need to contact the authorities when something is amiss rather than attempt to handle it themselves? -- ART IN EASTON, PA.

DEAR ART: Trying to parent one's parents long distance can be frustrating and emotionally draining. Part of the problem may be that when people in their golden years begin to slow down, they often don't realize that it's happening.

Please impress upon your father that when your mother falls there may be a reason for it that goes beyond being "clumsy." She may have suffered a small stroke or have an inner ear imbalance and need to be seen by a doctor. Also, when older people fall they can crack a bone, and being lifted by someone other than a professional can cause further injury.

These days there are more "sharks" swimming around out there than ever, poised to take advantage of the gullible and the vulnerable. If you suspect that someone has been asking your parents for information about their personal finances, the police should be informed. Also, if you feel they need protection, then it's time to involve a social worker to help them. Your local Area Agency on Aging or state department of health can guide you.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago I made a conscious and deliberate decision to leave the dating scene. Whenever I tell a woman I'm not interested or have made other plans, she becomes upset and angry with me. I try to be tactful and diplomatic with women, but it invariably results in acrimonious behavior toward me. I am exasperated with the situation. What's your advice? -- NICE GUY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NICE GUY: Of course when a woman hears that you're "not interested" she will be offended. A compliment it's not! And a woman who becomes upset and angry if you say you have other plans isn't someone you would want to be involved with anyway. Next time try this: "I'm sorry, but I'm NOT AVAILABLE." It's the truth -- you're not!

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a silly question, but what is the proper thing to do if fruit drops on the floor at the grocery store? -- WONDERING IN COLUMBUS, GA.

DEAR WONDERING: There is no such thing as a silly question. I addressed your query to the manager of a major grocery chain in the Los Angeles area. He said: "Because it is assumed that people wash their fruit at home before eating it, the fallen item should simply be placed on its stand. (Of course, if it has split in two, cracked or been crushed, you should bring it to the attention of an employee working the produce department.)"

Now: Speaking as someone who has bought fruit, taken it home and found it to be bruised when I cut into it, it's my PERSONAL opinion that instead of replacing the fruit in the display, a store employee should be informed so the item can be sold at a discount the next day.