DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that a friend's 16-year-old daughter has two different Facebook profiles. One is a "nice" profile to which she has invited me, her family and friends from her days at a Christian academy. The other, which is pretty raw, she uses with her new "wild" friends from public high school.

The first profile portrays her as the perfect student and daughter. The other includes explicit details about her sexual exploits and drinking parties. Should I keep my nose out of it or let her parents know about the dual identities? -- VIGILANT IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR VIGILANT: Ask yourself whether you would want to be warned about your minor child's drinking and sexual exploits or be kept in the dark, and you'll have your answer.

DEAR ABBY: My 5-year-old son, "Miles," is passive, kind and a genuinely sweet kid. He has made friends with some neighborhood kids who are his age or a few years older.

While watching them play I have noticed a few of the more aggressive boys tackle, push or kick him and -- at one point -- even punch him. Afterward I asked Miles why he didn't stick up for himself. He said he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Obviously, I don't want my son engaging in fighting or resorting to violence. However, I am torn as to whether I should intervene. I have talked to Miles about how friends should treat each other. With that in mind, he ought to be able to say "stop" when someone gets too rough.

Should I step in to correct the other child? Should I speak to the other parents? Or do I allow my son to work it out on his own? -- HELICOPTER MOM

DEAR MOM: If you step in and "correct" the other boys, it will make your son appear weak. If you speak to their parents, it will make those boys resent your child. If Miles were my son, I would sign him up for activities where he will be part of a team. It will give him self-confidence, help to improve his athletic skills, make him more physically fit and introduce him to children in addition to this particular group.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed a year ago and joined a support group for widows and widowers. (I am 50 years young.) Through this group I met a gentleman, "Robert," who lost his wife two years ago. We became friends and have since fallen in love. I would like to think we have a future together.

Recently, I have been feeling guilty about our relationship, as though I am "cheating" on my late husband, and I'm wondering if this is normal. Should I keep these feelings to myself or discuss them with Robert? Should I go to counseling?

Perhaps the one-year anniversary of my husband's death has brought out these feelings. I'm remembering our last days together and feeling guilty about having started a new relationship. I don't want to hurt Robert or push him away by bringing this up if this is a normal phase most widows go through. -- STARTING OVER IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR STARTING OVER: If you are not completely over the death of your husband, then your feelings of guilt are understandable. When they occur, please remind yourself that you lived up to your wedding pledge "until death do you part."

Because you and Robert are part of a support group, this is a subject it might be helpful to raise with the other members. As to discussing it with Robert, I recommend that you do. Far from pushing you apart, it may bring you closer. And if your feelings of guilt persist, by all means discuss them with a counselor because you have every right to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a boy in eighth grade with a big problem. My parents constantly talk about their finances in front of me. We are not poor, but we're far from rich. It bothers me when they talk about how much money they owe or if they're in debt or not.

I have asked my parents several times not to talk about money in front of me. However, they insist that I'm old enough to hear about it. I'm a natural worrier, and when they talk about financial issues it makes me think something terrible is going to happen to us. What should I do? -- STILL A KID IN LINWOOD, N.J.

DEAR STILL A KID: One of the hardest things for many people to talk about is money -- or lack of it. And yet, not talking about it can cause more problems than airing the subject. Your parents may be trying to educate you about finances because many schools don't do it. But if it becomes too stressful for you, then leave the room.

DEAR ABBY: Although I don't think my last name is a particularly difficult one, people often struggle with it when they go to write it after I say it. I understand this and it does not bother me. As a matter of habit, I routinely spell my name immediately after I say it, to assist the person who is writing it down.

A security guard who works at a client's building I visit a few times a year has reacted in a hostile manner because I spell my name when she asks for it. She may be under the impression that I think my name is beyond her capabilities -- which isn't true.

Abby, is spelling my name condescending or disrespectful to someone in a business setting? Is my routine practice annoying or is the guard overly sensitive? -- BILL "X" IN GEORGETOWN, DEL.

DEAR BILL "X": She may be overly sensitive or, because you have already spelled your name for her several times, she may be under the impression that you think she's not very bright. Perhaps in the future you should modify your delivery: "My name is Bill 'Xybleniwicz.' I'll spell it for you if you'd like me to ..."

DEAR ABBY: For the past several years I have worked in a medical office. I see patients every three months or as little as once a year.

Two years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away last spring. Because of the stress of my dear mother's illness and death, my weight has fluctuated.

Some of my patients don't hesitate to point out how "chunky" I have become. One woman even went so far as to ask if I was "happy with the way I have let myself go." Abby, how do I defend my weight gain without getting into my personal life? -- IMPATIENT WITH MY PATIENTS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR IMPATIENT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. I'm sure the last two years have been painful. I see no reason why, if someone is so insensitive as to mention your weight, you shouldn't let the person have the truth with both barrels. If that doesn't shame him or her into an apology, nothing will. However, because you prefer to conceal it, try this response: "You know, I gained this weight the old-fashioned way -- one bite at a time, and that's the way it'll have to come off."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband of 36 years died. My pastor came over a few days later to help me clean up my yard because my husband was a pack rat. I did not realize that some of the items I thought were junk were valuable. My pastor took the items, sold them for scrap and kept the money for himself. He also took my husband's truck to his shop, stripped it and sold the parts.

I have tried calling him but he won't answer or return my calls. I tried talking to him after church only to have him shut the door in my face. I have written him a letter -- no response.

Abby, I don't want to take my pastor to court. I'm beginning to lose my faith. What should I do? -- LOSING MY FAITH IN KINSTON, N.C.

DEAR LOSING YOUR FAITH: My gut reaction is to scream, "Call the cops!" The man you have described is a wolf in shepherd's clothing and it could save other trusting widows from being fleeced as you have been. If you can't bring yourself to take that "pastard" to civil court, at least report these thefts to the judicatory or regional board of your denomination so they can deal with him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 30 years and have had issues with my mother-in-law since before the wedding. She didn't want me to marry her son and has criticized my hair, my weight, my child-rearing, etc., during my entire marriage. Of course, she never says these things when my husband is within earshot. I didn't discuss it with him because we don't see her often.

We're planning a one-week visit with them, and my 50th birthday will occur during the visit. My husband told me I could do whatever I wanted on my birthday and mentioned including his parents. I told him I didn't want to spend the day with them and now he's mad at me.

I realize this may seem petty to you, but this is a milestone birthday that I'm not really looking forward to. What do I do? Do I "suck it up" and deal with her presence on my birthday or stand my ground? -- DREADING IT IN ALAMOGORDO, N.M.

DEAR DREADING IT: Remind your spouse that he SAID you could do anything you wished on your birthday, and that you didn't realize that telling him you wanted to spend this milestone without his parents would upset him. Then tell him that because he feels obligated to include his parents, of course, you won't object -- as long as he's willing to celebrate the occasion the way YOU would like after you return from the visit.

P.S. It's too bad you didn't tell him his mother was "gunning for you" decades ago, because he might have been able to nip it in the bud.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago my wife conceived a child with an old boyfriend who had been after her for quite a while without my knowledge. I adopted the child after he left her.

I have tried to convince my wife to tell our daughter the truth for medical reasons, but she refuses. She feels if she tells our daughter the truth, she will be disgraced forever. What is your opinion? -- LOVES MY DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR LOVES YOUR DAUGHTER: Your daughter should have been told the truth years ago -- and it is still not too late to do so. My concern is that she may eventually hear it from some other relative or a close family friend who assumes she already knows. These kinds of family secrets invariably have a way of slipping out, and better that your daughter hear the story from her mother than someone else.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)