DEAR ABBY: "Aaron" and I have been married five years, and I have always tried to keep our sex life "spicy." Letting him take private X-rated photos and videos of me seemed fun at the time.

I recently learned that my "private" photos and videos have been on the Internet and shared with Aaron's buddies, co-workers and friends. I am shocked, embarrassed and hurt. When I confronted him, he said, "You're beautiful, and I enjoy sharing you with other guys!" I was dumbfounded at his response. I have tried talking to him, and he just doesn't see my objections.

Every time I see one of our friends, I wonder if Aaron has shared my "beauty" with him. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my minister about this. I have lost my trust in my husband and don't know what I should do now. -- X-POSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR X-POSED: What your husband has done is the equivalent of inviting his buddies, co-workers, friends, etc. into your bedroom during your most intimate moments. Your trust was violated and your feelings are understandable. That he would disregard your feelings in the matter is, frankly, shocking.

What you should do now is contact a licensed marriage counselor to figure out if, with professional help, you can help your immature and insensitive husband reorganize his priorities.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago I was in love with "Connie," a girl who was my best friend and soul mate. We had so much in common. Connie was chubby -- not fat, just not a size 3.

Being 22 at the time, I became infatuated with "Lisa," who was a size 3. Lisa was also jealous, insecure and still tied to her mother. I snapped one day and left her -- the smartest thing I have ever done.

By then, of course, Connie had moved on, and I deeply regret my wandering eye, lack of sensitivity and misplaced values. My life would be so much happier had I done what was right instead of being stupid.

Connie, I am told, is happily married, and I would not wreck her marriage. I have remained single. I don't know if you can offer me advice, but if my experience can help another young man to recognize the beauty within, he will be happier than I am. -- WISER NOW IN OHIO

DEAR WISER NOW: You are not the first man to wind up with indigestion from too much arm candy. But this happened 20 years ago and you have grown since then. It's time to stop punishing yourself and open yourself to new possibilities. There are many out there. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is showing signs of Alzheimer's, but she is in denial and refuses to face the issue. I would like to get her medical help. Our mother had the disease and my sister is probably scared. Any advice? -- BIG BROTHER IN FLORIDA

DEAR BIG BROTHER: If your sister is without a spouse or children, her doctor should be notified about your concerns. You also need to talk to her, to ensure that she has an advance directive for health care and powers of attorney in place in the event that she "might" become unable to make decisions for herself.

While the thought of preparing these documents can be scary, NOT having them is far scarier should any incapacitating health-care crisis arise. This needs to be done while your sister still has the capacity to make rational decisions.

The Alzheimer's Association can be a valuable resource in a situation like this, so please don't hesitate to contact it. The toll-free, 24-hour helpline is (800) 272-3900. The website is � HYPERLINK "http://www.alz.org" ��www.alz.org�.

DEAR ABBY: On May 13, "Diana in Lakewood, Calif.," asked you how to reuse or donate little jewelry boxes. You offered some great tips, but you should have let folks know about two terrific resources for giving away or recycling odd things.

Freecycle.org is an online network where people can give away or find free stuff in their local neighborhood. It is a great way to recycle items -- like the jewelry boxes -- to a local thrift store, a crafter or a teacher.

Earth911.com is also an amazing directory of local reuse and recycling options. I work at a thrift store for home improvements. (Instead of donating clothing or furniture, some people give us lumber, kitchen cabinets, hardware, etc.) Most people don't know that stores like ours exist. Reusing items from your neighbors wastes no energy and builds a sense of community. Abby, thanks for touching on this important topic. -- RUTHIE M. IN EDMONSTON, MD.

DEAR RUTHIE: Many readers wrote to remind me that one man's trash is another man's treasure, and we all must do whatever it takes to keep items out of landfills. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am an activity director at a small long-term-care facility and would love to receive those jewelry boxes. People don't realize how grateful we are to provide a home for their extra greeting cards, craft supplies, fabric scraps, wrapping paper, games, cards -- the list goes on and on. Diana should consider contacting her local nursing home activity director and put those boxes to good use.

Budgets are tight. With every cut our state and federal governments make to nursing homes, activity directors are always happy to give new life to no-longer-needed items. -- THE ACTIVITY GODDESS, BUHL, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: I have another suggestion for Diana in Lakewood. Quit buying so much stuff!

Recycling is only a partial solution to a wasteful lifestyle. Millions of tons of plastic, no matter how many times it is recycled, end up in our oceans, where Texas-sized flotillas of plastic goo will outlast us all. The key is to generate less in the first place.

When considering a purchase, consider all four "R's": Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and Repair. In this case, the option to "Reduce" should be observed by either buying less jewelry, or asking the vendors to quit over-packaging the stuff. -- DR. JAMES HAYES-BOHANAN, PROFESSOR OF ENVIRONMENTAL GEOGRAPHY

DEAR ABBY: Diana should donate the boxes to Goodwill, Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity, preschools, Girl Scouts and Sunday schools -- not the landfill! -- ELSIE K., OAK RIDGE, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: Perfectly good items should never be tossed into a landfill. There is always someone who can use whatever it is as long as it's in good condition (and sometimes even when it's not). It should be the responsibility of the consumer to find that someone. While it may not be a legal responsibility, it is the right thing to do. -- ROSIE W. IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: Most malls and department stores open gift-wrapping booths at holiday time. They are usually set up to raise funds for a specific charity. Diana can contact mall management and find out if it plans to have one and if so, what agency will be operating it. Then she can contact the agency and arrange to donate all of the boxes. Believe me, small boxes are always needed. -- LYNN IN CAMBRIDGE, ONTARIO

DEAR ABBY: After Grandma passed away at the age of 101, the thought of dismantling her home and dispersing her belongings was heartbreaking because her house had remained unchanged for so many years. I knew we couldn't keep everything, but never seeing her house again was too much to bear.

I asked my cousin to take photos of every room, every hallway, every closet and every view inside and out, so I could make an album of "Grandma's House." Now I have an album of photographs that makes me feel like I'm standing in the middle of it again. My cousin even photographed the auction in which we sold the things none of the family wanted or couldn't fit in their homes.

With all these reality TV programs that deal with hoarding and clutter, I wanted to share this idea as a healthy alternative to keeping "things" in place of memories. Looking at my photo album is even better than having the actual items, because everything is in the setting I remember. What I'm trying to convey is -- sometimes you really can't take it with you, and a picture is the next best thing. -- JULIE IN BRADENTON, FLA.

DEAR JULIE: Thank you for a valuable suggestion. I'm sure I'm not the only grandchild who wishes that she had thought of it when my grandparents' home was being dismantled. I'm sure that looking at your album brings back a multitude of happy memories.

DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance, "Charlie," dearly, but I have one problem. When I first met him he was wearing some platform boots I thought were out of style. He claimed he wore them because he's short. I don't think that's a good excuse. I think he just likes them.

I have mentioned to Charlie numerous times that those boots have had it and nobody wears them anymore. He gets upset when I tell him. I think he's old-fashioned about some things. When we go shopping, I show him other types of boots -- to no avail. How can I get him to start wearing footwear that is more up-to-date and looks better? -- CAN'T GET THROUGH, HAMMOND, LA.

DEAR CAN'T GET THROUGH: You can't. And the more you nag Charlie, the more stubborn he will become. You can encourage him. Point out other styles of boots that will give him the "boost" in height he thinks he requires. But in the end, if you don't accept Charlie just the way he is, he may end up giving YOU the "boot."

DEAR ABBY: I host many casual backyard parties and invite my family as well as my husband's. My family always declines for one reason or another, even when they are the only ones invited -- so I have quit asking them to most of my gatherings because I'm always rejected.

When they get wind of a barbecue that we have had, they become offended that they weren't invited. I explained that because they always decline, I assumed they wouldn't be interested. Abby, must I continue to invite them so they can reject me? -- OFFENDED AND HURT IN DES MOINES

DEAR OFFENDED AND HURT: Not in my book. You'll have less pain if you accept that you can't please everyone. It appears that with your family you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, and I see no reason why you should continue to invite anyone who continually refuses to come.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)