DEAR ABBY: After Grandma passed away at the age of 101, the thought of dismantling her home and dispersing her belongings was heartbreaking because her house had remained unchanged for so many years. I knew we couldn't keep everything, but never seeing her house again was too much to bear.

I asked my cousin to take photos of every room, every hallway, every closet and every view inside and out, so I could make an album of "Grandma's House." Now I have an album of photographs that makes me feel like I'm standing in the middle of it again. My cousin even photographed the auction in which we sold the things none of the family wanted or couldn't fit in their homes.

With all these reality TV programs that deal with hoarding and clutter, I wanted to share this idea as a healthy alternative to keeping "things" in place of memories. Looking at my photo album is even better than having the actual items, because everything is in the setting I remember. What I'm trying to convey is -- sometimes you really can't take it with you, and a picture is the next best thing. -- JULIE IN BRADENTON, FLA.

DEAR JULIE: Thank you for a valuable suggestion. I'm sure I'm not the only grandchild who wishes that she had thought of it when my grandparents' home was being dismantled. I'm sure that looking at your album brings back a multitude of happy memories.

DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance, "Charlie," dearly, but I have one problem. When I first met him he was wearing some platform boots I thought were out of style. He claimed he wore them because he's short. I don't think that's a good excuse. I think he just likes them.

I have mentioned to Charlie numerous times that those boots have had it and nobody wears them anymore. He gets upset when I tell him. I think he's old-fashioned about some things. When we go shopping, I show him other types of boots -- to no avail. How can I get him to start wearing footwear that is more up-to-date and looks better? -- CAN'T GET THROUGH, HAMMOND, LA.

DEAR CAN'T GET THROUGH: You can't. And the more you nag Charlie, the more stubborn he will become. You can encourage him. Point out other styles of boots that will give him the "boost" in height he thinks he requires. But in the end, if you don't accept Charlie just the way he is, he may end up giving YOU the "boot."

DEAR ABBY: I host many casual backyard parties and invite my family as well as my husband's. My family always declines for one reason or another, even when they are the only ones invited -- so I have quit asking them to most of my gatherings because I'm always rejected.

When they get wind of a barbecue that we have had, they become offended that they weren't invited. I explained that because they always decline, I assumed they wouldn't be interested. Abby, must I continue to invite them so they can reject me? -- OFFENDED AND HURT IN DES MOINES

DEAR OFFENDED AND HURT: Not in my book. You'll have less pain if you accept that you can't please everyone. It appears that with your family you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, and I see no reason why you should continue to invite anyone who continually refuses to come.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ted" for 15 years. We have three school-age children. My husband is extremely narcissistic and passive-aggressive. During our entire relationship, he has been controlling and manipulative, as well as emotionally, economically and sexually abusive. I have remained in the marriage this long because I thought keeping the family intact was the right thing to do for my children. (Ted doesn't abuse them. I am his only victim.)

Through counseling I have realized that living in the atmosphere of a loveless, abusive marriage can be as detrimental for kids as a breakup would be. I will soon be filing for divorce.

My dilemma: Because Ted is very good at projecting a "good guy" image, I'm sure that people won't believe he is abusive. Should I be open about the reason for the divorce and be accused of lying? We live in Ted's hometown, a small, rural community. I don't know if I can live with the stigma of having accused a "nice guy" of such a thing. On the other hand, I don't want the abuse to be a "dirty little secret." What do women do in situations like this? -- NO VISIBLE WOUNDS

DEAR NO VISIBLE WOUNDS: They "confide" their problems -- with specific examples -- to a couple of their closest girlfriends. The truth will spread like wildfire.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a doctor's office. One of our patients makes a big scene if we do not address him by his title -- "Reverend Smith." He has to tell everyone within earshot that he went to school for eight years to get that title. He insists that, out of respect, we should address him as such.

Abby, this man is not MY reverend. So far, I have avoided calling him this. Am I being disrespectful, or is he being pompous? -- UNIMPRESSED IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR UNIMPRESSED: You are not only being disrespectful, but also passive-aggressive. Because this patient has made clear that he prefers to be addressed by the title he has earned, you should use it.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a doctor's office. One of our patients makes a big scene if we do not address him by his title -- "Reverend Smith." He has to tell everyone within earshot that he went to school for eight years to get that title. He insists that, out of respect, we should address him as such.

Abby, this man is not MY reverend. So far, I have avoided calling him this. Am I being disrespectful, or is he being pompous? -- UNIMPRESSED IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR UNIMPRESSED: You are not only being disrespectful, but also passive-aggressive. Because this patient has made clear that he prefers to be addressed by the title he has earned, you should use it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, the youngest of three children, but I am treated with no respect. My parents (mostly my dad) treat my brother like he's a prince. Even if he loses a football game he is praised. I just started playing volleyball and my team won, but my parents haven't said anything to me.

Dad treats me and my sister as if we are in the 18th century. We're supposed to work all the time while our brother is spoiled. Even when we finish working they don't appreciate it, and I'm always to blame.

Abby, I feel so disrespected. Please help me. I have talked to them about it, but it doesn't seem to get through. -- NEEDS RESPECT IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR NEEDS RESPECT: Does your sister feel the same way you do? If so, you should approach your mother together and discuss it. Even if your father doesn't, she should be praising you when you do something right.

I hope you and your sister continue to strive to excel and be recognized, because you may find that while your father isn't capable of giving you the affirmation you need, others will as you achieve your goals. So bide your time and persevere. If you do, you won't be sorry.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Ashley," is being married in September. She invited me to be one of her bridesmaids and my two children to be ring-bearers. I accepted because I felt obligated and didn't want to hurt her feelings, but now I regret my answer.

Abby, I cannot stand there beside her and support her marrying the man she has chosen. He is dishonest and in debt because of his poor decisions. After three years of dating, Ashley gave him a deadline to propose, and he waited until the last minute. I understand this is her choice -- I just cannot support it.

She continues to say how she misses spending time with me, but makes no effort to get together. Needless to say, our friendship is not what it was at one point. My question is, how do I back out now, before it's too late? And how do I explain things without creating an enemy? -- MOMMY OF TWO

DEAR MOMMY: Tell her immediately, and here's how: "Ashley, I can't be in the wedding. I don't think this man is good enough for you, and I think you are doing something you will regret later. Please don't think I don't care about you because I do, but the children and I cannot be a part of this."

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, after my neighbors went out, the hose on their washing machine broke. Because the faucet had been left in the open position, hot water gushed out all day long, soaking through the floor and flooding their basement. Abby, their basement had just been refinished. The repairs will cost thousands of additional dollars.

My dad warned me about this potential problem years ago. Ever since, I have always turned my faucets off when I am not actually doing laundry.

Please print this so your readers will know to shut off the washing machine faucets unless their machine is in use. -- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN COLORADO

DEAR GRATEFUL DAUGHTER: Thank you for a valuable reminder. Better to take an extra second to turn off the taps than spend hours bailing, mopping and kicking yourself!