DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and sad all the time. I have never had a boyfriend, and have struggled in the past with anxiety and loneliness. It has been a rollercoaster year for me -- a tough first year of college, watching all of my friends enter meaningful relationships. All I can do is be ashamed of the fact that I'm struggling while others are thriving. I need help, but don't know where to turn. -- A COMPLETE MESS IN OHIO

DEAR COMPLETE MESS: Before I start offering you advice, please let me point out that the first year of college is a huge adjustment for everyone. You're away from your usual support systems, adjusting to a new environment and new responsibilities. Instead of comparing yourself to your friends who are entering "meaningful relationships," please look around at all of the students who are single like you are. If you do, you will realize they outnumber the ones who are coupled up.

Because you are sad for extended periods, you should head over to the student health center and talk about it with a counselor. He or she will help you find ways to overcome your feelings of isolation, anxiety and depression -- but only if someone who is qualified knows you're having trouble. And please don't waste one minute being "ashamed." What you're experiencing is not uncommon.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two young children. Three years ago I divorced my husband of eight years. My mother does not accept the divorce and still views my ex as a family member. She's planning a family reunion for my father's 80th birthday and has told me she's inviting my ex, which will be uncomfortable since I am attending the party with my boyfriend of two years.

My mother's unwillingness to accept my new boyfriend in my life is hurtful, and it is affecting my relationship with her. How can I sustain a relationship with her if she doesn't accept that I have moved on with my life? -- IRRITATED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR IRRITATED: You have moved on with your life. But in the eight years you were married, your mother grew attached to your former husband. I assume that you and your ex have a civil relationship, if only for the sake of your children. So go to the reunion with your boyfriend. Give your parents every opportunity you can to get to know him, because the more they are exposed to him, the greater the chances of their accepting him.

P.S. Wouldn't it be lovely if your ex were to bring a date? Why not call him and plant the idea ...

DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old, recently retired male. I think I am experiencing a midlife crisis, exacerbated by my wife's decision to let her hair go natural -- meaning gray.

I know you and your readers will probably think I'm shallow and am trying to hold onto my young, 59-year-old "trophy wife." We have been happily married nearly 40 years. In my eyes she represents our youth and vitality, which suddenly isn't feeling so youthful or vital since her roots started showing. What can I do? -- YOUNGER AT HEART IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR YOUNGER AT HEART: Try this. Remember the words of Benjamin Franklin on aging. He wrote: "In the dark all cats are gray."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You did a disservice to the truly disabled on May 1 when you advised "Jennifer in Maine" it was OK to use the handicapped restroom stall because her large size made it uncomfortable using a regular one.

I am married to a disabled person. He cannot get off a toilet without the grab bars available in a designated stall. What some individuals may not know is that many disabled people also suffer from bladder and bowel control issues and are desperate to use the facilities when they enter a restroom. A minute or two delay for them can spell disaster.

Finding it "difficult" to squeeze into a tiny stall is not the same as finding it impossible. The same goes for abusers of handicapped parking tags. The only persons entitled to these accommodations are the disabled -- not the lazy, not the obese, or even necessarily the elderly. We who are blessed with the gift of mobility should make sure that accommodations are always available for those who are not. -- VOICE OF REASON IN OHIO

DEAR VOICE: Thank you for correcting me. I told "Jennifer" I saw nothing wrong with using the larger stall as long as she deferred to a disabled woman needing it at the same time -- and not everyone agreed with my reply. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Not all reasons for needing the special stall are evident. Have you ever tried to fit two adults into a regular stall when one of them is disabled and needs assistance? This happens when someone else uses the bigger stall even though there were other ones available. It infuriates me knowing my parents suffer because people ignore disability-specific setups. -- DAUGHTER OF DISABLED

DEAR ABBY: Handicapped parking spaces are legally reserved for people who have a disability. Handicapped restroom stalls are built to accommodate the disabled -- not reserved for them. -- BARBARA IN SAN LUIS OBISPO

DEAR ABBY: I believe the larger stalls are there for anyone who needs them. If a woman has to change clothes, that stall is helpful, but she should be quick so as not to leave a disabled person waiting.

Women with small children or a baby in a stroller should use this stall and keep the kids in there with her. I was appalled when I saw a woman leave her baby in a stroller outside a small stall while she used it. -- HEDDY, OUT WEST

DEAR ABBY: I use the bathroom stalls for people with disabilities and sometimes get dirty looks. I have a back injury and because the seats are much higher in a disabled stall, it allows me to conduct my business without enduring extreme pain. Please remind your readers that disabilities have many faces. -- LADY WHO KNOWS IN EL CENTRO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I also exclusively use the larger stall. I am a perfectly healthy 36-year-old woman with a thin build and no physical limitations. What I do have is moderate obsessive-compulsive disorder. The thought of using the smaller stall makes my heart race and my skin crawl.

I touch most of the outside world with a tissue or handkerchief. In a restroom I need enough space to be sure I will not touch the toilet, door, walls, trash can or paper dispenser. I realize my disorder is quirky, but I adapt. And obviously, I would yield to any person in need. -- DENTON, TEXAS, READER

DEAR ABBY: You may have overlooked the real concern of "Jennifer's" mother about her obese daughter's use of the handicapped stall. Jennifer needs to shape up before she is the one in the wheelchair. -- VALERIE IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I know some people are obsessed with hoarding things. Is it possible to have an obsession about throwing things away? My mother seems bent on removing every item from our home. Every time I went away as a kid, boxes of books and toys would disappear from my room. I resorted to hiding things I wanted to keep.

Since I have left for college, 90 percent of my belongings have been thrown out or given to Goodwill. She even gave away two dolls I have had since I was a baby and which were of great sentimental value to me. Mother was well aware of it.

She recently became adamant that I get rid of some dresses and a pair of winter boots to "prepare for the change in seasons." Abby, the boots were less than six months old, and the dress was brand-new! Could she have a serious problem? -- EMILY IN ATLANTA

DEAR EMILY: Yes, but it's not what you think. It appears your mother regards you not as an individual, but as an extension of herself. Therefore, in her mind what is yours is really hers to do with as she wishes. She should not be giving away your possessions unless it's by mutual consent. And yes, it is a serious problem because it will negatively affect your relationship in the future, if it hasn't already.

DEAR ABBY: "Susan" and I have been married for many years. After our sons left for college, my wife began experiencing "empty-nest syndrome," so I surprised her with two cats. I'm not wild about cats, but I knew she'd be pleased. Big mistake!

Susan is constantly doting on her "babies" (as she calls them). Her time is spent brushing them, talking to them, playing with them and photographing them. When we do have a little feline-free time, it's spent talking about them. I have grown more and more annoyed with these spoiled cats who have 100 percent of her attention.

I have tried expressing my feelings, but she reminds me that I was the one who "adopted" them in the first place. Any suggestions? -- HUBBY IN PURR-GATORY

DEAR HUBBY: You may have been the one who adopted the cats, but your wife has gone overboard. Tell her that unless she reorganizes her priorities and makes some time for her husband, her husband may adopt a "kitten" of his own.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl. My brother, "Jason," and I have always been close friends. Summer, for me, means wearing tank tops and shorts, but Jason doesn't like the idea. He tells me I'm showing too much skin and that boys will stare at me.

I used to think Jason was silly. So far, he has liked only one of my outfits this summer. Now that I think about it, my shorts are pretty small. Is my brother just being protective? Or do you think I should try to wear clothes that don't show a lot of my skin? -- STAYING COOL IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR STAYING COOL: Not knowing your brother, I don't know what may be motivating him. I assume that when you are shopping for outfits, your mother has some input in what's being purchased. That's why I think you should address this question to her. She can tell you whether your brother is being overprotective or if his fashion sense is on target.

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