DEAR ABBY: Years ago you gave me some good advice, and now I have a new issue I need help with. My sister, "Rhonda," and her husband -- both in their mid-50s -- will be visiting us again this summer. The last time they stayed, we caught them in our backyard smoking pot.

My husband and I were shocked and upset about it, and so were our teenage children. This was a violation of the rules in our home and set a poor example for our children, but I was too spineless to say anything.

I want to tell Rhonda and her husband before this next visit that drugs are absolutely not allowed on our property, but my mother wants me to remain silent because she's worried they'll stop visiting us unless I keep my mouth shut.

I want to see Rhonda, but not at the cost of compromising my principles. And I am confused and hurt that even my mother doesn't seem to care how I feel about how unacceptable this behavior is in my own home. Am I being unfair? Help! -- SPINELESS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SPINELESS: Your mother is wrong. It is not "unfair" to set standards in your home to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. If you don't speak up, your sister will assume -- and rightly so -- that you have no objection to her using an illegal substance on your property. What happened last year was unfortunate. But if you stay silent and it happens again, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a freshman in high school. My relationship with my mother is very good. I can talk to her about everything and anything.

My problem is she won't allow me to date as long as I live under her roof. She says teenagers are too young to date. I have recently developed feelings for a boy in a few of my classes, but I am prevented from pursuing a relationship with him. I feel sad and empty because of this.

My mother has no reason to keep me from dating other than her belief that I'm too young. I am a good kid and get straight A's. Friends tell me to date behind her back, which I don't believe in. Mom is very stubborn, but so am I. Any thoughts, Abby? -- JERSEY GIRL

DEAR JERSEY GIRL: Yes. A parent who prevents her daughter from dating as long as she lives under her mother's roof and expects that when she moves out -- presumably at 18 -- she will automatically be prepared for the dating scene, is delusional.

If your mother prefers that you not date one-on-one at 15, she should consider allowing you to go out in groups, as many teens do these days. Enlist the help of an adult female relative or one of her friends to intercede for you, and perhaps she'll relent.

DEAR ABBY: Why are some women so shallow that they won't date a man who is going bald? I mean, they do not even make the time to get to know us. They just turn us down.

Are there women out there who like men who are bald or getting there? -- SMOOTH-HEADED IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR SMOOTH-HEADED: Yes, there are. They're the smart ones. This would include Heidi Klum (who is married to Seal), Demi Moore (who was married for a number of years to Bruce Willis), Mrs. Howie Mandel, Mrs. Chris Daughtry -- and all the women who are chasing Tyson Beckford.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, disabled, and work with a service dog. I would like to offer people a few tips on interacting with service dog owners. Perhaps it will lessen some of the daily frustrations all handlers deal with:

1. Not all service dogs are big dogs. I know several Chihuahuas who save their owners' lives every day with their medical alert tasks.

2. Not all disabilities are visible. Please don't ask, "What's wrong with you?" or, "What's your problem?"

3. There are many kinds of service dogs, not just guide dogs. Medical alert dogs help people with everything from epilepsy to diabetes to panic attacks. There are also autism service dogs, mobility dogs and hearing dogs.

4. Please do not pet my dog without asking me first. My dog wears a patch that says, "Do Not Pet." It's there for a reason. Abby, I can't count the number of people who read her patch out loud, then reach out to pet her anyway. Please do not take it personally if we say no.

5. If a dog's handler seems ill, it's OK -- even preferable -- to ask if we are all right. I once had an episode and no less than two dozen people walked right past me while I sat on the floor. Had I been diabetic, I could have died because no one stopped -- including two store managers. -- HOPING TO HELP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOPING TO HELP: Thank you for an important letter. What many people fail to understand is that when an assistance dog is out in public, the animal is working and should not be distracted from its task -- which is ensuring the well-being of its owner.

Your last tip was the most important of all. Folks, I shouldn't have to tell you that if you see someone who appears to be in trouble, it takes only a moment to do the right thing and make sure the person gets the help he or she needs. And that includes calling 911 if it's merited.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widowed grandmother. Two of my son's children, ages 18 and 21, have never had much contact with me or my husband. I have mailed them gifts for their birthdays and holidays, never receiving a thank-you or a card or a call on my birthday. To keep the peace, I have kept sending -- but now I'm tired.

They used to live in Arizona, but now the older granddaughter, "Bethany," lives here in Florida, 40 miles from here. When she came with her parents to stay with me while house-hunting, she asked, "What are you going to give me for my birthday?" I did not respond.

After Bethany became established and settled, I called her on at least four separate occasions, leaving messages, all of which she has ignored. She claims she never received them. My birthday came and went -- no card or call from her. I feel I should do the same for her from now on. I would like your opinion so I can show it to my son. -- UNAPPRECIATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Here it is, and by all means, share it with your son. Bethany is the product of her upbringing. You were not a part of her childhood in Arizona, and she was never taught that good manners mean acknowledging gifts and returning phone calls.

She is no longer a child, and she was presumptuous to ask you what you would be giving her for her birthday. (You should have replied, "Malaria. Do you want it now?") If you choose to stop acting like a vending machine -- which is the way you are being treated -- you'll get no argument from me.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: "Todd" and I have been close friends since eighth grade. We're now in our mid-20s, and over the years I have gotten to know his family. His mother, "Cindy," is a kind and darling woman and I like her a lot.

The problem is, she has it in her head that I am perfect for Todd. On more than one occasion she has gone so far as to ask me why I don't marry him. Todd and I have always been close, but I have never had any interest in him beyond friendship. In fact, I am involved in a serious relationship right now with a man I love dearly.

Is there a way to stop Cindy from making suggestive comments without hurting her feelings? -- HOLDING MY TONGUE FOR NOW IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HOLDING YOUR TONGUE: Todd's mother's attempts at matchmaking may be annoying, but they're the greatest compliment a mother can pay a young woman. The next time she does it, smile and tell her that if you could clone yourself you would because you think she'd be the best mother-in-law in the world, but you're seeing someone and the relationship is serious.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old man about to be married for the second time. My bride, "Jennifer," is significantly younger than I, but aside from that, we're alike on most issues. We have lived together for five years and have two beautiful daughters, ages 3 and 7.

We are now involved in making wedding plans. I know it's a woman's special day, but when I ask the normal question of "How much does it cost?" Jennifer becomes unglued. She says she's aware that we don't have an unlimited budget, and she's sick and tired of my always asking about the costs and saying things are too expensive.

Today she went off again when I said that the diamond-encrusted wedding band she wants me to wear was too expensive, and a simple gold band is fine for me. I told Jennifer to cut out the Bridezilla attitude. Money is a factor in a wedding, and since I'm part of it, my opinion should matter as much as hers.

Now she's stomping around in a huff, and I'm at the end of my rope. If this is how she acts now, what about after the wedding? Am I being an idiot to worry about the money, or is Jennifer being unrealistic by ignoring it and stifling my concerns? -- GROOM (?) IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GROOM (?): You're not an idiot. You are asking some very intelligent questions. One of the most frequent causes of divorce is arguments over money. So before you go any further, stop the music and insist that the two of you get premarital counseling to ensure that you really are on the same page. It could save you a bundle -- of heartache and money.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and popular in school. I have a lot of friends, but inside I feel like I'm not good enough to go out with the popular boys I like. I am friends with them all, but they always pay more attention to the prettier girls.

I know I should feel privileged to be popular, but what can I do to get the guys to notice me more? I sometimes stay up crying at night over this. -- WANTS MORE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS MORE: I'll tell you a secret. Fear of failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy -- and so can success. The more you dwell on your "deficiencies," the more pronounced they'll become. So, act more confident and soon you will be.