DEAR ABBY: "Todd" and I have been close friends since eighth grade. We're now in our mid-20s, and over the years I have gotten to know his family. His mother, "Cindy," is a kind and darling woman and I like her a lot.

The problem is, she has it in her head that I am perfect for Todd. On more than one occasion she has gone so far as to ask me why I don't marry him. Todd and I have always been close, but I have never had any interest in him beyond friendship. In fact, I am involved in a serious relationship right now with a man I love dearly.

Is there a way to stop Cindy from making suggestive comments without hurting her feelings? -- HOLDING MY TONGUE FOR NOW IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HOLDING YOUR TONGUE: Todd's mother's attempts at matchmaking may be annoying, but they're the greatest compliment a mother can pay a young woman. The next time she does it, smile and tell her that if you could clone yourself you would because you think she'd be the best mother-in-law in the world, but you're seeing someone and the relationship is serious.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old man about to be married for the second time. My bride, "Jennifer," is significantly younger than I, but aside from that, we're alike on most issues. We have lived together for five years and have two beautiful daughters, ages 3 and 7.

We are now involved in making wedding plans. I know it's a woman's special day, but when I ask the normal question of "How much does it cost?" Jennifer becomes unglued. She says she's aware that we don't have an unlimited budget, and she's sick and tired of my always asking about the costs and saying things are too expensive.

Today she went off again when I said that the diamond-encrusted wedding band she wants me to wear was too expensive, and a simple gold band is fine for me. I told Jennifer to cut out the Bridezilla attitude. Money is a factor in a wedding, and since I'm part of it, my opinion should matter as much as hers.

Now she's stomping around in a huff, and I'm at the end of my rope. If this is how she acts now, what about after the wedding? Am I being an idiot to worry about the money, or is Jennifer being unrealistic by ignoring it and stifling my concerns? -- GROOM (?) IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GROOM (?): You're not an idiot. You are asking some very intelligent questions. One of the most frequent causes of divorce is arguments over money. So before you go any further, stop the music and insist that the two of you get premarital counseling to ensure that you really are on the same page. It could save you a bundle -- of heartache and money.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and popular in school. I have a lot of friends, but inside I feel like I'm not good enough to go out with the popular boys I like. I am friends with them all, but they always pay more attention to the prettier girls.

I know I should feel privileged to be popular, but what can I do to get the guys to notice me more? I sometimes stay up crying at night over this. -- WANTS MORE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS MORE: I'll tell you a secret. Fear of failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy -- and so can success. The more you dwell on your "deficiencies," the more pronounced they'll become. So, act more confident and soon you will be.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Claude," and I are deeply in love. He's devoted to me and my son. He brings me candy and flowers and takes me out. He includes my son in everything we do.

My problem is, he recently mentioned that he is on the national sex offenders list. He says he didn't do it and that he was framed. It happened years ago -- if it happened at all -- and he doesn't like to talk about it.

Abby, I need your advice. Should I believe him or run the other way? It scares me to think that I am putting my son in danger, but then again, I don't believe Claude did what they say he did. Please help me. -- MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MOM: The first thing you should do is check the national sex offenders database. Find out if Claude should, by virtue of the fact that he is a convicted sex offender, even be around children. Learn the facts of what happened from the authorities in that community. And then, think with your head instead of your heart and put your son's welfare above everything.

DEAR ABBY: You frequently say children are not responsible for their parents' divorce.

My grandmother said my parents married because my mother was pregnant with my sister. They divorced because I was born. What do we say to our parents, knowing they divorced because Mom didn't want us? (I have met her only twice, and she's not around to defend herself.) I am 25 and have had self-esteem problems my entire life. -- STILL FEELING SAD, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR STILL FEELING SAD: I'm sorry you have had so little contact with your mother. Had it been otherwise, you might have discovered that your parents' divorce had nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with her and your father's level of maturity at the time and the quality of their marriage.

I strongly suspect that other factors in your mother's life made her unable, rather than unwilling, to nurture. If it's possible for you to contact her, you should do so. And if not, discuss this with a therapist who will help you put any questions about your self-worth to rest once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: My son is married to a beautiful Japanese woman who is well-educated and speaks both Japanese and English fluently. They have a daughter, "Mari," who is 2 1/2 and just starting to talk. My concern is whether my granddaughter should be taught English or Japanese first.

Mari already speaks and understands a little of each language, but I'm worried that she may grow up confused while trying to communicate with others. I feel she should learn English first. Then, as Mari grows older, her mother can teach her the Japanese language.

Am I being concerned about something I shouldn't be? By the way, there is no family conflict here. I'm just concerned that my granddaughter will grow up confused. -- HAPPY PAPA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAPPY PAPA: Worry no more. Children absorb languages like sponges absorb water. Mari is a lucky little girl to be learning Japanese and English so young. If she's able to practice both, they will become interchangeable for her. So stop worrying, and if you're receptive, your granddaughter may teach you a few phrases.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old boy who is trying to figure out my career. I'm with "Jen," the girl of my dreams, and I intend on being with her forever. We plan to have kids in the future.

I want to be a pilot, and Jen wants to be a stay-at-home mom. I realize, though, that if I'm a pilot I won't be home much, and I know that's not good for a couple trying to start a family. All I ever dreamed about was becoming a pilot, and I don't think I can give this up.

At the same time, my family comes first. How do I go about solving this problem? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN MISSOURI

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: You appear to be a young man with his feet on the ground. What you're not taking into consideration is that there are many happily married pilots who enjoy flourishing family lives as well as careers. Do some more research about the various kinds of jobs that are offered in the aviation industry, and you may be pleased to find that you, too, can have both. And keep in mind that your ambitions may change as you get older.

DEAR ABBY: My 73-year-old mother took it upon herself to go to a senior center and learn how the computer works -- Internet, e-mails, etc.

She has five children, and we're all on the Internet. She didn't tell us because she wanted it to be a surprise -- and was it ever! I flipped when I turned on my computer and found her name on an incoming message!

Abby, Mom doesn't own a computer, and the nearest senior center that has one is 30 miles away, but that didn't stop her.

We're currently setting up a computer for her, and I'm proud to say that she'll be able to use it for more than playing one of her favorite card games, Hearts. We're all proud of Mom! -- COLLEEN IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR COLLEEN: I salute your mother and the burgeoning number of seniors who refuse to be intimidated by technology. Computers and cell phones have become cheaper and easier to use, and Web-surfing isn't a "sport" that's meant to be enjoyed only by the young. The computer-phobic can learn a lot from your mother's example.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and have a beautiful 4-year-old daughter. Two years ago, my wife cheated on three different occasions with three different men. Each time she admitted her infidelity to me the following day.

I was heartbroken. I have fallen out of love with her and no longer find her attractive. I didn't leave immediately because I didn't want our daughter to be raised in a broken home. Also, my wife didn't have a job. I thought I could forgive her and get over it, but I can't and don't think I ever will.

Should I leave her or stay in a marriage where I feel I am being unfair to myself and that I deserve better? Please advise. -- BETRAYED IN KANSAS

DEAR BETRAYED: I'm sorry your wife cheated on you -- three times, yet. But if you have to ask me for permission to leave her, the answer is no. You'll know the time is right when you are ready to take the responsibility for that decision all by yourself.