DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Claude," and I are deeply in love. He's devoted to me and my son. He brings me candy and flowers and takes me out. He includes my son in everything we do.

My problem is, he recently mentioned that he is on the national sex offenders list. He says he didn't do it and that he was framed. It happened years ago -- if it happened at all -- and he doesn't like to talk about it.

Abby, I need your advice. Should I believe him or run the other way? It scares me to think that I am putting my son in danger, but then again, I don't believe Claude did what they say he did. Please help me. -- MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MOM: The first thing you should do is check the national sex offenders database. Find out if Claude should, by virtue of the fact that he is a convicted sex offender, even be around children. Learn the facts of what happened from the authorities in that community. And then, think with your head instead of your heart and put your son's welfare above everything.

DEAR ABBY: You frequently say children are not responsible for their parents' divorce.

My grandmother said my parents married because my mother was pregnant with my sister. They divorced because I was born. What do we say to our parents, knowing they divorced because Mom didn't want us? (I have met her only twice, and she's not around to defend herself.) I am 25 and have had self-esteem problems my entire life. -- STILL FEELING SAD, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR STILL FEELING SAD: I'm sorry you have had so little contact with your mother. Had it been otherwise, you might have discovered that your parents' divorce had nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with her and your father's level of maturity at the time and the quality of their marriage.

I strongly suspect that other factors in your mother's life made her unable, rather than unwilling, to nurture. If it's possible for you to contact her, you should do so. And if not, discuss this with a therapist who will help you put any questions about your self-worth to rest once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: My son is married to a beautiful Japanese woman who is well-educated and speaks both Japanese and English fluently. They have a daughter, "Mari," who is 2 1/2 and just starting to talk. My concern is whether my granddaughter should be taught English or Japanese first.

Mari already speaks and understands a little of each language, but I'm worried that she may grow up confused while trying to communicate with others. I feel she should learn English first. Then, as Mari grows older, her mother can teach her the Japanese language.

Am I being concerned about something I shouldn't be? By the way, there is no family conflict here. I'm just concerned that my granddaughter will grow up confused. -- HAPPY PAPA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAPPY PAPA: Worry no more. Children absorb languages like sponges absorb water. Mari is a lucky little girl to be learning Japanese and English so young. If she's able to practice both, they will become interchangeable for her. So stop worrying, and if you're receptive, your granddaughter may teach you a few phrases.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old boy who is trying to figure out my career. I'm with "Jen," the girl of my dreams, and I intend on being with her forever. We plan to have kids in the future.

I want to be a pilot, and Jen wants to be a stay-at-home mom. I realize, though, that if I'm a pilot I won't be home much, and I know that's not good for a couple trying to start a family. All I ever dreamed about was becoming a pilot, and I don't think I can give this up.

At the same time, my family comes first. How do I go about solving this problem? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN MISSOURI

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: You appear to be a young man with his feet on the ground. What you're not taking into consideration is that there are many happily married pilots who enjoy flourishing family lives as well as careers. Do some more research about the various kinds of jobs that are offered in the aviation industry, and you may be pleased to find that you, too, can have both. And keep in mind that your ambitions may change as you get older.

DEAR ABBY: My 73-year-old mother took it upon herself to go to a senior center and learn how the computer works -- Internet, e-mails, etc.

She has five children, and we're all on the Internet. She didn't tell us because she wanted it to be a surprise -- and was it ever! I flipped when I turned on my computer and found her name on an incoming message!

Abby, Mom doesn't own a computer, and the nearest senior center that has one is 30 miles away, but that didn't stop her.

We're currently setting up a computer for her, and I'm proud to say that she'll be able to use it for more than playing one of her favorite card games, Hearts. We're all proud of Mom! -- COLLEEN IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR COLLEEN: I salute your mother and the burgeoning number of seniors who refuse to be intimidated by technology. Computers and cell phones have become cheaper and easier to use, and Web-surfing isn't a "sport" that's meant to be enjoyed only by the young. The computer-phobic can learn a lot from your mother's example.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and have a beautiful 4-year-old daughter. Two years ago, my wife cheated on three different occasions with three different men. Each time she admitted her infidelity to me the following day.

I was heartbroken. I have fallen out of love with her and no longer find her attractive. I didn't leave immediately because I didn't want our daughter to be raised in a broken home. Also, my wife didn't have a job. I thought I could forgive her and get over it, but I can't and don't think I ever will.

Should I leave her or stay in a marriage where I feel I am being unfair to myself and that I deserve better? Please advise. -- BETRAYED IN KANSAS

DEAR BETRAYED: I'm sorry your wife cheated on you -- three times, yet. But if you have to ask me for permission to leave her, the answer is no. You'll know the time is right when you are ready to take the responsibility for that decision all by yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Eric," and I are newlyweds. Several months ago, with a little coaxing, I shared my previous "history" with him. I used graphic terms and went into great detail. Eric found it extremely exciting, and we both benefited from it.

Recently, Eric mentioned how great it would be if I contacted one of my past lovers to push the envelope of passion even further. I agreed. My dinner date with the old flame was actually quite fun, with talk of the past. Eric thrilled at my description of the "date." His suggestion that I go out with my old beau and "enjoy myself" as I had when I was single, however, left me hurt and somewhat uncomfortable.

Eric hinted that a new "story" would take things to another level. He's completely OK with it, not at all jealous. I said I wasn't sure, but I'd consider it. What do you think? -- MRS. R. IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MRS. R.: Some "envelopes" should remain sealed. Think long and hard before embarking on the path toward which your husband is leading you. Is this really the kind of marriage you signed up for? How would you feel about Eric looking up old flames and reporting back to you?

Frankly, I think you're being pushed in the wrong direction. The result could very well be that you end up feeling used and degraded.

DEAR ABBY: I want to help my son and grandchildren. His current wife moved out, taking their two little ones with her. His other three children from his first wife still live with him. They are upset about this and can't understand why they have been abandoned by their stepmom -- just as they were by their birth mother. The little boy is taking it the hardest.

How can I help my grandchildren understand that this isn't their fault? -- HEARTBROKEN GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If you and your son's second wife are on speaking terms, ask her to contact your grandchildren and explain that grown-ups sometimes can no longer live together, and they need to remain with their father. She should also tell them that her leaving has absolutely nothing to do with them.

If the children continue to have ongoing abandonment issues, they should be seen by a therapist who can help them put those issues to rest. All you can do is love your grandchildren and be there for them as much as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the corporate office of a major airline and communicate with many employees throughout the country. I do a lot of traveling, both for business and for pleasure, and when I do, I encounter a lot of our employees who recognize me and say hello as I travel through their stations.

My problem is, I have a difficult time remembering names, and on occasion, recognizing faces. I'm embarrassed when this happens, and I don't know what to say. What's the best way to respond to someone who recognizes me, even though I don't recognize him or her? -- RED-FACED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR RED-FACED: How about this? Smile at the person and say, "Hi! It's nice to see you." And let the person who recognized you take it from there.