DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old boy who is trying to figure out my career. I'm with "Jen," the girl of my dreams, and I intend on being with her forever. We plan to have kids in the future.

I want to be a pilot, and Jen wants to be a stay-at-home mom. I realize, though, that if I'm a pilot I won't be home much, and I know that's not good for a couple trying to start a family. All I ever dreamed about was becoming a pilot, and I don't think I can give this up.

At the same time, my family comes first. How do I go about solving this problem? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN MISSOURI

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: You appear to be a young man with his feet on the ground. What you're not taking into consideration is that there are many happily married pilots who enjoy flourishing family lives as well as careers. Do some more research about the various kinds of jobs that are offered in the aviation industry, and you may be pleased to find that you, too, can have both. And keep in mind that your ambitions may change as you get older.

DEAR ABBY: My 73-year-old mother took it upon herself to go to a senior center and learn how the computer works -- Internet, e-mails, etc.

She has five children, and we're all on the Internet. She didn't tell us because she wanted it to be a surprise -- and was it ever! I flipped when I turned on my computer and found her name on an incoming message!

Abby, Mom doesn't own a computer, and the nearest senior center that has one is 30 miles away, but that didn't stop her.

We're currently setting up a computer for her, and I'm proud to say that she'll be able to use it for more than playing one of her favorite card games, Hearts. We're all proud of Mom! -- COLLEEN IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR COLLEEN: I salute your mother and the burgeoning number of seniors who refuse to be intimidated by technology. Computers and cell phones have become cheaper and easier to use, and Web-surfing isn't a "sport" that's meant to be enjoyed only by the young. The computer-phobic can learn a lot from your mother's example.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and have a beautiful 4-year-old daughter. Two years ago, my wife cheated on three different occasions with three different men. Each time she admitted her infidelity to me the following day.

I was heartbroken. I have fallen out of love with her and no longer find her attractive. I didn't leave immediately because I didn't want our daughter to be raised in a broken home. Also, my wife didn't have a job. I thought I could forgive her and get over it, but I can't and don't think I ever will.

Should I leave her or stay in a marriage where I feel I am being unfair to myself and that I deserve better? Please advise. -- BETRAYED IN KANSAS

DEAR BETRAYED: I'm sorry your wife cheated on you -- three times, yet. But if you have to ask me for permission to leave her, the answer is no. You'll know the time is right when you are ready to take the responsibility for that decision all by yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Eric," and I are newlyweds. Several months ago, with a little coaxing, I shared my previous "history" with him. I used graphic terms and went into great detail. Eric found it extremely exciting, and we both benefited from it.

Recently, Eric mentioned how great it would be if I contacted one of my past lovers to push the envelope of passion even further. I agreed. My dinner date with the old flame was actually quite fun, with talk of the past. Eric thrilled at my description of the "date." His suggestion that I go out with my old beau and "enjoy myself" as I had when I was single, however, left me hurt and somewhat uncomfortable.

Eric hinted that a new "story" would take things to another level. He's completely OK with it, not at all jealous. I said I wasn't sure, but I'd consider it. What do you think? -- MRS. R. IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MRS. R.: Some "envelopes" should remain sealed. Think long and hard before embarking on the path toward which your husband is leading you. Is this really the kind of marriage you signed up for? How would you feel about Eric looking up old flames and reporting back to you?

Frankly, I think you're being pushed in the wrong direction. The result could very well be that you end up feeling used and degraded.

DEAR ABBY: I want to help my son and grandchildren. His current wife moved out, taking their two little ones with her. His other three children from his first wife still live with him. They are upset about this and can't understand why they have been abandoned by their stepmom -- just as they were by their birth mother. The little boy is taking it the hardest.

How can I help my grandchildren understand that this isn't their fault? -- HEARTBROKEN GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If you and your son's second wife are on speaking terms, ask her to contact your grandchildren and explain that grown-ups sometimes can no longer live together, and they need to remain with their father. She should also tell them that her leaving has absolutely nothing to do with them.

If the children continue to have ongoing abandonment issues, they should be seen by a therapist who can help them put those issues to rest. All you can do is love your grandchildren and be there for them as much as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the corporate office of a major airline and communicate with many employees throughout the country. I do a lot of traveling, both for business and for pleasure, and when I do, I encounter a lot of our employees who recognize me and say hello as I travel through their stations.

My problem is, I have a difficult time remembering names, and on occasion, recognizing faces. I'm embarrassed when this happens, and I don't know what to say. What's the best way to respond to someone who recognizes me, even though I don't recognize him or her? -- RED-FACED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR RED-FACED: How about this? Smile at the person and say, "Hi! It's nice to see you." And let the person who recognized you take it from there.

DEAR ABBY: "Grinched in Iowa" (April 14) was upset that his girlfriend gave his Valentine roses to a stranger after he spent more than $82 on them. Several years ago, when my father was ill with cancer, he sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my mother. When I saw them, I commented on how pretty they were and, half-jokingly, asked if they wanted to make another person as happy as they had made my mom. I explained that my friend Patty was having a hard time coping with the fact her dad and mother-in-law both had cancer. My parents said, "Take them!"

Patty burst into tears when she saw me arrive with the flowers. I think "Grinched" should quit being such a grouch and be thankful for having a compassionate, caring girlfriend. -- SHELLEY IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR SHELLEY: Thank you for reminding me to "smell the roses." While I sympathized, in part, with "Grinched," readers' responses heavily favored his girlfriend. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Whether that guy spent $8 or $82, the flowers will die in a week. Sending flowers is an expression of love, and it is the ACT that brings joy to the recipient. Whether the bouquet or the memory of his generosity continues to bring joy is immaterial. He should be thrilled to have a girlfriend who is so full of love and joy she wanted to share that feeling and bring the same happiness to another couple.

"Grinch's" girlfriend should now decide if she wants to be with a guy who is more concerned about the money than the sentiment. -- PEEVED WITH HIM IN CANADA

DEAR ABBY: "Grinched's" girlfriend is too dumb to have thought about what you suggested. ("She could have given the stranger one or two of the roses ...") He should drop her quicker than petals drop from a rose! -- JON IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: You should have set "Grinched" straight instead of coddling him. If he had any brains he would have married his girlfriend on the spot. Any woman who is so selfless she would give her gift to another person in need is someone he should hang onto and never let go. Perhaps he is too blind and emotionally insecure to realize this loving woman would treat HIM the same way. -- RANDY IN TROY, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe she was trying to tell him she did not want any roses. Could it be time for a ring? -- JILL IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: "Grinched's" gift did what it was supposed to do -- show his girlfriend he cared. When the roses were passed along to another person, his gift benefited three people instead of just one. In this day and age, we need more kindness. -- LISA IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The roses had already served their purpose. The girlfriend was able to see how much he cared for her, as were her co-workers. (Why else would he send them to her at work?) Once she took them home, the roses would have sat in a vase until it was time to throw them out. Instead, they brought joy a second time, and she proved herself to be a compassionate, sensitive person who knew how to embrace the true spirit of Valentine's Day. -- MAUREEN IN MANCHESTER, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: Roses: $82. Groceries: $37. A relationship with someone who would reach out with concern to someone in need: Priceless! -- HARLEY IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.