DEAR ABBY: "Grinched in Iowa" (April 14) was upset that his girlfriend gave his Valentine roses to a stranger after he spent more than $82 on them. Several years ago, when my father was ill with cancer, he sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my mother. When I saw them, I commented on how pretty they were and, half-jokingly, asked if they wanted to make another person as happy as they had made my mom. I explained that my friend Patty was having a hard time coping with the fact her dad and mother-in-law both had cancer. My parents said, "Take them!"

Patty burst into tears when she saw me arrive with the flowers. I think "Grinched" should quit being such a grouch and be thankful for having a compassionate, caring girlfriend. -- SHELLEY IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR SHELLEY: Thank you for reminding me to "smell the roses." While I sympathized, in part, with "Grinched," readers' responses heavily favored his girlfriend. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Whether that guy spent $8 or $82, the flowers will die in a week. Sending flowers is an expression of love, and it is the ACT that brings joy to the recipient. Whether the bouquet or the memory of his generosity continues to bring joy is immaterial. He should be thrilled to have a girlfriend who is so full of love and joy she wanted to share that feeling and bring the same happiness to another couple.

"Grinch's" girlfriend should now decide if she wants to be with a guy who is more concerned about the money than the sentiment. -- PEEVED WITH HIM IN CANADA

DEAR ABBY: "Grinched's" girlfriend is too dumb to have thought about what you suggested. ("She could have given the stranger one or two of the roses ...") He should drop her quicker than petals drop from a rose! -- JON IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: You should have set "Grinched" straight instead of coddling him. If he had any brains he would have married his girlfriend on the spot. Any woman who is so selfless she would give her gift to another person in need is someone he should hang onto and never let go. Perhaps he is too blind and emotionally insecure to realize this loving woman would treat HIM the same way. -- RANDY IN TROY, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe she was trying to tell him she did not want any roses. Could it be time for a ring? -- JILL IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: "Grinched's" gift did what it was supposed to do -- show his girlfriend he cared. When the roses were passed along to another person, his gift benefited three people instead of just one. In this day and age, we need more kindness. -- LISA IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The roses had already served their purpose. The girlfriend was able to see how much he cared for her, as were her co-workers. (Why else would he send them to her at work?) Once she took them home, the roses would have sat in a vase until it was time to throw them out. Instead, they brought joy a second time, and she proved herself to be a compassionate, sensitive person who knew how to embrace the true spirit of Valentine's Day. -- MAUREEN IN MANCHESTER, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: Roses: $82. Groceries: $37. A relationship with someone who would reach out with concern to someone in need: Priceless! -- HARLEY IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind parents and teenagers that it is "cool" to wear a helmet when riding bikes and skateboards. A child in our town died recently after suffering a head injury, and we have just received word that the son of a close friend (age 23) has started having seizures because of a head injury he suffered as a teen after falling from a skateboard.

I had my grandson decorate his helmet. All his friends thought it looked great, and that made it "cool" to wear it. With summer here and kids outside, wearing a helmet cannot be stressed enough. -- VIGILANT GRANDMA OUT WEST

DEAR GRANDMA: You are not only a vigilant grandma, but also a clever one. Falls are common among bike riders, skateboarders, Rollerbladers, and those who drive and ride all-terrain vehicles. According to the Traumatic Brain Injury Recovery Network, an estimated 7 million Americans seek medical care every year for injuries sustained during sports or recreation-related activities, an estimated 4.3 million of whom are treated in emergency rooms. The highest rates of sports- and recreation-related injuries are among adolescents 10 to 14 years of age.

When a child's head hits cement, wood or hard-packed dirt, the result can be a traumatic injury that leads to concussion, permanent brain injury or even death. That is why children who participate in sports should be strongly encouraged to wear protective headgear at all times.

DEAR ABBY: Some friends who live out of state just left, after inviting themselves to stay at our home while they attended to family business. We live in a town with many hotels. We enjoy their company, but when we visited them last year, we stayed at their bed and breakfast (at their invitation) and were charged $175 a night even though there were empty rooms at their inn.

My wife says I should shut up, but I feel used. Your thoughts? -- MIFFED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MIFFED: Your feelings are accurate. You welcomed this couple as friends; they welcomed you as paying guests. Now that you know this about them, treat them accordingly. The next time they invite themselves to your home, tell them you'd love to visit with them while they're in town and refer them to a hotel.

P.S. If this has happened more than once, it could only be because you allowed it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old mother of three, married to my husband for 15 years. I am active in my church and community and live a good, decent life.

My 20th college reunion is coming up in September. I lived a wild life in college, drank too much and was promiscuous. I would like to attend the reunion with my husband, who is also an alumnus. While I will love seeing old friends, I feel apprehensive because I will be among some people I once had relations with.

Abby, I am not the same person I was back then. Part of me wants to go to the reunion to show that I have changed. My husband is aware of my past and accepts it. Should I go? -- DIFFERENT NOW IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DIFFERENT NOW: Go! I'm sure you won't be the only person there who was "wild" when you were younger. Show up, have a good time, and let bygones be bygones.

DEAR ABBY: Over the last year I have noticed cleavage everywhere. It's in the middle and high schools, the teller waiting on me at the bank, the cashier at the supermarket and department stores -- all offering plunging frontal views. I can't believe management allows this, and for the younger women, I can't believe their parents permit it. These females look like they're dressed for a romantic evening, not as employees of reputable businesses or students.

Am I just getting old or has this become acceptable? I would like to stop doing business with these companies, but if I do I'll have no place to shop. What's your opinion? -- CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, ULSTER PARK, N.Y.

DEAR CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES: Are you just noticing this? It has been happening for years. And I'm not referring only to the amount of cleavage women are showing. Haven't you noticed how much that's showing "south of the border" on females and males?

Many businesses have dress codes -- and if enough customers complain or take their business elsewhere, managers might adhere to them. As to the students -- most schools have dress codes, but whether the rules are enforced is another matter entirely.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Herb," and I are middle-aged and have been married four years. Herb is a wonderful husband, and we are very happy. I cook, and he usually cleans up -- including washing several dishes and cooking utensils by hand. (He doesn't like to use the dishwasher.)

Abby, this sweet man doesn't get the dishes clean! I'm talking about lipstick on glasses, oil on pans and food left on plates. He doesn't use soap or hot water, either. I rewash everything the next morning after he leaves for work. I'm afraid to say anything because I'm happy Herb makes the effort, and I don't want to ruin the nice gesture. Should I keep this up, or tell him my concerns and ask him to try harder? -- IN LOVE WITH THE DISHWASHER, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR IN LOVE: Your sweet husband may have poor eyesight -- so start pointing out what he's missing on the dishes. Then explain that, in the interest of hygiene, you would be more comfortable if, instead of just rinsing the dishes, he would place them in the dishwasher so you can be sure they are sterile the next time you use them.

P.S. Because you are having to wash the dishes twice, you may find that by using the dishwasher you will be using less water!

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's appropriate to laugh when someone inadvertently falls -- especially if it's unclear whether the individual is hurt?

I have never found it amusing to see someone fall. Instead, I feel concern. Some of my friends think that laughing is not only the appropriate response, but "necessary" to help ease the embarrassment of the individual who has fallen. Who's right? -- COMPASSIONATE WITNESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR COMPASSIONATE: You are. And watch out for those "friends" because they either lack maturity or empathy -- or both.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, AND THOSE CARING MEN WHO FILL THE ROLE OF ABSENT FATHERS: A Happy Father's Day to all of you!