DEAR ABBY: Over the last year I have noticed cleavage everywhere. It's in the middle and high schools, the teller waiting on me at the bank, the cashier at the supermarket and department stores -- all offering plunging frontal views. I can't believe management allows this, and for the younger women, I can't believe their parents permit it. These females look like they're dressed for a romantic evening, not as employees of reputable businesses or students.

Am I just getting old or has this become acceptable? I would like to stop doing business with these companies, but if I do I'll have no place to shop. What's your opinion? -- CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, ULSTER PARK, N.Y.

DEAR CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES: Are you just noticing this? It has been happening for years. And I'm not referring only to the amount of cleavage women are showing. Haven't you noticed how much that's showing "south of the border" on females and males?

Many businesses have dress codes -- and if enough customers complain or take their business elsewhere, managers might adhere to them. As to the students -- most schools have dress codes, but whether the rules are enforced is another matter entirely.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Herb," and I are middle-aged and have been married four years. Herb is a wonderful husband, and we are very happy. I cook, and he usually cleans up -- including washing several dishes and cooking utensils by hand. (He doesn't like to use the dishwasher.)

Abby, this sweet man doesn't get the dishes clean! I'm talking about lipstick on glasses, oil on pans and food left on plates. He doesn't use soap or hot water, either. I rewash everything the next morning after he leaves for work. I'm afraid to say anything because I'm happy Herb makes the effort, and I don't want to ruin the nice gesture. Should I keep this up, or tell him my concerns and ask him to try harder? -- IN LOVE WITH THE DISHWASHER, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR IN LOVE: Your sweet husband may have poor eyesight -- so start pointing out what he's missing on the dishes. Then explain that, in the interest of hygiene, you would be more comfortable if, instead of just rinsing the dishes, he would place them in the dishwasher so you can be sure they are sterile the next time you use them.

P.S. Because you are having to wash the dishes twice, you may find that by using the dishwasher you will be using less water!

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's appropriate to laugh when someone inadvertently falls -- especially if it's unclear whether the individual is hurt?

I have never found it amusing to see someone fall. Instead, I feel concern. Some of my friends think that laughing is not only the appropriate response, but "necessary" to help ease the embarrassment of the individual who has fallen. Who's right? -- COMPASSIONATE WITNESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR COMPASSIONATE: You are. And watch out for those "friends" because they either lack maturity or empathy -- or both.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, AND THOSE CARING MEN WHO FILL THE ROLE OF ABSENT FATHERS: A Happy Father's Day to all of you!

DEAR ABBY: My father is a successful attorney. He appears to be the ideal father because he's charming, has a sense of humor and is intelligent.

He's a different person in private. Since I was 12, he has verbally and emotionally abused me, sometimes hitting me, throwing me down, threatening to evict or kill me. Abby, I was not a bad child. I never experimented with drugs or alcohol and spent little time with friends. I'm currently in college and maintain a 4.0 GPA.

My family and I think my father is mentally ill. He's extremely unstable and has a family history of these issues, including suicide. He has started stockpiling his deceased father's belongings, speaks to the dog as if it were a human being, and obsessively checks things in the house like locks, etc. He has extreme anger issues and other bizarre behaviors.

It's clear Dad has a problem, but because it has not affected him at work he sees no reason to get help. The one time I brought it up it only enraged him. He believes he is the ruler of the house, in control of everything, but it's obvious he's losing control.

We know we can't force him to get help, but what can I do to get Dad to see a psychiatrist or to improve the situation? Mom has given up, and I'm afraid for my little sister. She's in high school and still lives at home. -- BIG SIS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR BIG SIS: Your mother should have insisted your father get help when he started abusing you. Because she didn't, you should have told a teacher or counselor at school because they are mandated to report it. If your father abuses your sister, that's what she must do.

While many people mistakenly think that domestic abuse happens only in low-income families, family violence occurs among people on all social and economic levels. Because you fear for your sister's safety, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233. The people there can suggest help for your mother and sister, but your father cannot be "helped" unless he's willing to finally admit he needs it.

DEAR ABBY: I just returned from a "Manicure/Pedicure Party" for a friend who is being married. The invitation I received stated, "Please join us for a manicure and pedicure in honor of the bride-to-be."

I was home about 10 minutes when I received a phone call from one of my hostesses. She told me that I had left without paying for my manicure and pedicure! I was floored. I told her I had forgotten, but the fact is, I had assumed since the invitation stated "Please join us" that the hostesses were paying.

Did I misinterpret the invitation? Or do people now "host" parties where they expect the guests to pay their own way? I am embarrassed and confused. Should I have asked the salon worker or the hostesses who was paying the bill? -- CONFUSED IN COWTOWN

DEAR CONFUSED: Obviously you did misinterpret the invitation, which should have clearly mentioned that the event was "no host" and the guests would be required to pay for their own "salon services." I see no reason why you should have assumed that you'd be asked to pay, and your confusion is understandable. But please don't feel embarrassed. The folks who should feel embarrassed are the "hostesses."

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have always been close. My niece was popular, blond, petite and a high school cheerleader who dated the quarterback. My daughter, "Amber," was studious, wore thick glasses and no makeup, but was happy and well-liked. We accepted and celebrated their differences.

My niece stayed in town, working part-time in an office and taking a few classes at junior college while waiting until her boyfriend finished college, became a professional athlete and they rode off into the sunset. As fate would have it, he returned home -- with a new cheerleader.

Amber went off to an Ivy League school on a scholarship. When she returned home 10 pounds lighter, with long, highlighted hair and contact lenses, we didn't recognize her. She's a knockout!

My sister and my niece have now cooled toward us and make cutting remarks about Amber. They have started acting strangely, bad-mouthing the ex-boyfriend and his family, even at church functions. I want to talk to my sister, but I'm at a loss on how to start or what to say. Any ideas? -- LOST IN LONG BEACH

DEAR LOST: You are describing two very unhappy women, for whom things haven't turned out as planned. Your daughter, the "ugly duckling," has transitioned into a swan. Congratulations! She is now considered to be "competition." Now please try to be gracious. Pick up the phone and call your sister. Tell her you're concerned about her because she seems to have become "withdrawn" lately -- and see if you can draw her out. It appears she and her daughter are going through a bad time right now.

DEAR ABBY: I was visiting my father when he got the phone call from his doctor with the results of his biopsy. It was lung cancer. I tried my best not to cry, but I couldn't help myself and my father comforted me.

I want to be strong and "there" for him, but my heart is breaking because I can't think of anything to make this better for him. I can't bear the thought of losing him. I lost my mom five years ago, and Dad helped me through that. When my father is gone, I will have no one.

I feel guilty that I'm more concerned about my feelings when I should be concentrating on helping Dad feel better. I hate that my emotions are so close to the surface. I worry most of the time anyway, and this has thrown me for a loop. Have you any advice on how I can pull it together and be supportive of my father? -- DEVASTATED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR DEVASTATED: Yes, I do. Cancer is a scary word, but it is important to remember that, in many cases, it is not the death sentence that it was even 10 years ago. In other words, your father may go into remission or even recover completely. So please stop panicking that you may lose him, because he needs you right now.

If you can, accompany him to doctor's appointments. You can take notes and help him evaluate and understand his treatment options -- because when people are stressed they sometimes tend to forget what they have been told or what questions they wanted to ask.

Contact the American Cancer Society about online and local support groups that offer up-to-date information regarding therapies and clinical studies, as well as places to find the emotional support you are looking for. Help is there if you just reach out. The toll-free number is (800) 227-2345 and its website is www.cancer.org.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)