DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagreed with your advice to the woman whose husband was upset about his wife going out for drinks with her male co-workers. ("Pulled in Two in Pennsylvania," April 2). We have been happily married for many years, and neither she nor I feel comfortable with a female employee going for drinks with mostly males.

Drinking can lower inhibitions. Many office affairs begin in similar situations. In addition, no one should be driving home after two or more drinks. Office parties or get-togethers should not be held at bars. Employers can be held responsible for a multitude of things that can happen after these socials.

That woman's husband may be too protective or controlling, but he is not out of line to be upset about the situation. -- BOB IN LEWISVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR BOB: Thank you for your comments. I told "Pulled in Two" that her husband appears to be insecure and can change only if he's willing to own up to it. However, many readers felt differently -- distinctly differently. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As someone with a "jealous" husband, I beg to differ. There is a positive definition of jealousy -- rightly guarding what belongs to a person. This man may be guarding the relationship he has with his wife. He may sense some danger from her "friendly" and "happily married" co-workers that she doesn't see. Although they have been married 16 years, it seems his jealousy arose only after she took this job.

I speak from experience as someone who didn't realize I had boundary issues with men. I thought I was just being friendly, but my husband helped me understand where to draw the line. In doing so, I have seen how much he values our relationship and wants to protect it.

I am a college graduate and have worked in my profession more than 25 years. I'm not a throwback to the days of male domination. I appreciate my husband's concern and wisdom.

"Pulled" needs to find a way to put her marriage ahead of having fun with her co-workers. Jobs come and go; a great marriage can last a lifetime. -- JO ANN IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: Every company I have ever worked for invited employee spouses to attend almost all after-work social events. Only rarely, once or twice a year, may they have had an employee-only function. I suspect "Pulled in Two" enjoys the extra attention she is getting from her male co-workers. Otherwise, I bet she could invite her husband. -- BEEN THERE IN AZTEC, N.M.

DEAR ABBY: It does seem that the husband is insecure, but there may be another explanation. Some of the most jealous spouses I have witnessed were the ones who caroused the most. Obviously, since they cannot be trusted, they project that unwarranted lack of trust onto their mate. -- ILENE IN CORPUS CHRISTI

DEAR ABBY: Any time social drinking is a part of a "work" event, the opportunity for inappropriate behavior presents itself. Many marriages have been ruined because of a "mistake" or "I didn't mean it to happen -- it was the alcohol."

If "Pulled" wants to go out drinking with male associates rather than go home to her husband, she is taking the road that leads away from a strong marriage. I faced that crossroad many times throughout my life and have never once regretted telling the ladies I couldn't join them because I already had a commitment at home. The result has been 30 years of wedded bliss with no "mistakes." -- JOHN IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

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DEAR ABBY: Recently I was at a club with friends and ran into a co-worker. He was dressed in drag and introduced himself as "Glenda." At work, he dresses like a male and goes by "Glen."

Since that night he has been avoiding me and cutting conversations short, if not ignoring me altogether. Should I let him know I'm OK with his alternate persona, or let it be? I don't want to risk awkward situations. -- SYMPATHETIC IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: I don't know how large your company is or how much contact you have with Glen. If the answer is it's a large company and contact is minimal, then let it be. If you have contact with Glen frequently, and his embarrassment is having an impact on your work relationship, then clear the air by letting him know that what happens after hours is his business and you do not gossip. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Gina," recently became engaged to her longtime boyfriend. A few days after hearing about the engagement, I sent her an e-mail telling her my husband and I were free every weekend except Oct. 8, 9 and 10 because a dear friend had asked me months ago to be a bridesmaid in her wedding that weekend. I have already bought the dress and had it altered. I called Gina to explain the situation after sending the e-mail.

Yesterday, I spoke with my father and found out that Gina has chosen Oct. 9 for her wedding day, even though I told her I couldn't make it then. Gina wants me to be her matron of honor because she was my maid of honor.

Clearly, I cannot participate in two weddings on the same day at the same time in different locations. Who do I say no to? -- DREADING WEDDINGS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR DREADING: Let me get this straight. You warned your sister that you would be unavailable on a certain weekend, she chose that date for her wedding anyway, and you had to hear the news from your father? Could there be more going on with your relationship with your sister than you mentioned in your letter? Perhaps she felt "obligated" to have you in her wedding party because she was in yours?

From my perspective, you should thank your sister for her kind offer and remind her that you had already told her you would be unavailable that weekend. That way, you're both off the hook.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office, and every day a co-worker's adult child who works nearby comes here to have lunch with her mother. She knows everyone's business as if she worked here, and we're forced to order her something when we get takeout. Frankly, we're tired of it. How can we put a stop to this without hurting anyone's feelings? -- ONE MORE FOR LUNCH

DEAR O.M.F.L.: It appears the line between "family" and "business" has become blurred. The co-worker who is closest to the mother should approach her privately and say, "You should know that your daughter coming here every day is creating hard feelings in the office. If you want to have lunch with her every day, then you should be doing it outside the office. During our lunch time, we want to talk about things that are personal, and her presence makes that difficult."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I have cancer. My mom thinks I don't know, but I do. I heard the doctor say I was better off without any meds.

I have made a choice not to fall in love, and not to tell even my closest friend that I'm only going to live to be about 25-30 years old. My friend can't understand why I am always sad and have never wanted a boyfriend. How do I tell her to stop advising me to be happy and cheer up, and to someday open my heart to love without telling her about my short life? -- MADE MY CHOICE, ANYWHERE, USA

DEAR MADE YOUR CHOICE: If ever I heard about a girl who needs to have a talk with her mother, it is you. I don't know what you think you overheard the doctor telling her, but it is very possible that the "meds" he was talking about had nothing to do with cancer. I would hate to see you ruin your teen years because you jumped to a conclusion based on a misunderstanding -- so please speak up NOW!

DEAR ABBY: Today, June 15, is World Elder Abuse Day. On this day, communities all over the USA and the world will sponsor events to shed light on the growing and tragic issue of elder abuse.

Your readers, young and old, should be aware that the U.S. Administration on Aging estimates that as many as 5 million seniors are abused each year in the United States. And this is only the tip of the iceberg, since only an estimated one in five cases of abuse is ever reported to the authorities.

Elder abuse can be financial, physical, emotional or sexual, and it also includes people who are neglected. But elder abuse is preventable -- public awareness and education can help people learn the warning signs. For more information on what readers can do to join the fight against elder abuse, visit www.centeronelderabuse.org.

Thank you, Abby, for all you do to help keep our seniors safe. -- LAURA MOSQUEDA, M.D., GERIATRICS, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT IRVINE

DEAR DR. MOSQUEDA: If publicizing your message and your website will help some of these vulnerable hidden victims, I am more than pleased to help.

Readers, the elderly -- unlike child victims of abuse -- can slip through the cracks because too often they become invisible. Either they drop out of sight, or no one suspects what is going on until it is too late. Old people have been found stashed in garages, suffering from bed sores, malnourished and lying in their own waste. If you suspect abuse, please report it so it can be investigated. All you have to do is call Adult Protective Services. Every state has an agency that provides this.

DEAR ABBY: When I married the first time, I wore my mother's wedding gown. She and Dad had a happy marriage. They were married 47 years when Dad died.

My first husband and I divorced. We had two boys. I don't think either of my children would want the dress. In fact, I don't think ANYone would want it because the last time it was worn led to divorce.

What should I do with the dress? I only have two nephews and a step-granddaughter who is 5. I could save it for future grandchildren, but I think the divorce issue is a spoiler. -- JINXED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR JINXED: Why not donate the dress to a charity? If it's in good condition, I'm sure some young woman who can't afford to buy one would love to have it. And once it's out of the family, the "jinx" would be dissipated, canceled out by your generosity.