DEAR ABBY: I hope you can settle this. I was ahead of my husband -- who was pushing the cart -- in a grocery store. I found a checkout line that was less busy than the others and got in line. By the time my husband caught up with me, another man was standing behind me, so my husband stood behind him. I signaled my husband to go around the guy so we could unload the cart, but he felt that the guy behind me should go first.

Abby, I did not race this guy to get there, and I felt my spouse could have said something like, "Excuse me, my wife is in front of you. Can I go around you?"

I ended up giving the stranger (whose cart was full) my place and left the line to find another one, and I am peeved. Am I wrong? I was already in line, so I think that should have counted even if my husband didn't get there before the other guy. This has become a huge bone of contention. -- FEET HURT AND TIRED

DEAR F, H AND T: Actually, I think you are wrong for expecting your husband to take the initiative when you could have done it. All you had to do was give the stranger a warm smile and say, "Excuse me, but the man behind you is my husband. Would you please let him in so we can check out and get the groceries paid for together?" Most people are courteous and would have agreed.

DEAR ABBY: May I address an issue that seems like a no-brainer, but apparently is not? I work in an insurance agency handling financial services. I can't believe how many people make appointments and don't show up.

Our agency offers excellent service -- after-hours and on weekends, as well as weekday appointments. When an appointment is made, we take it seriously. We don't cancel if it's inconvenient or we get a "better offer."

We don't work for free, but we can't charge you if you don't show up. If you can't make it, someone else could have your time slot. If you must cancel, please give us as much notice as possible. Let us know if you aren't coming. Some courtesy is in order here. I don't mind after-hours appointments, but I deeply resent being away from my family and having a client stand me up. Thank you for letting me get this point across for all insurance agency workers. -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: You're welcome. The common courtesy you're asking for should not be reserved for employees of insurance companies, but for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy eight months ago. I'll call him Gordon. A few months back he told me there is a woman living with him. I happen to be very much in love with Gordon. Now I'm confused about why he even started seeing me if he's living with someone else.

Gordon is 58 and I am 39. He swears he loves me. Am I being naive to believe there is a future for us? -- TRUSTING IN FINDLAY, OHIO

DEAR TRUSTING: Not necessarily. The woman could be a relative or a platonic friend who is sharing expenses. Ask Gordon if the three of you can have dinner together -- perhaps at his place -- and find out for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have been dating "Raymond" for two years. The thing that concerns me is we aren't supposed to be attracted to other people, but I think he is. During arguments he has thrown other girls in my face. That really hurt, and I can't get over it.

I think he's attracted to other girls, but he doesn't want me to be attracted to other guys. Can you please give me some advice? I'd really like to know what's going on inside his head. Are his eyes for me only? -- TEEN IN MERCED, CALIF.

DEAR TEEN: Probably not. It's normal for men -- and women, by the way -- of all ages to be attracted to people other than their mate. However, those with good character resist the urge to act on it.

Now for some advice: You became involved with Raymond at a very young age, which has prevented both of you from having the normal kinds of dating experiences that are supposed to happen in high school. If he is restless, it would be better for both of you to date others, at least for a while. If you are meant to be together, your relationship will stand the test of exposure to others.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Russ," and I have been married 13 years. During that time he has lost more than 15 jobs for various reasons -- tardiness, not performing up to par, etc. I finally was able to convince him to get tested when I noticed he was having difficulty paying attention. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and they said he has an IQ of about 80.

I am working on my doctorate. I hold a job with other wives whose husbands have "great jobs," and I sometimes don't know what to say about Russ. He's a good person, very loving and tries his best, but honestly, I do get frustrated and have a little bit of "husband envy."

Russ is 50 and we have no children. How do I come to grips with the fact that he may never be a provider? -- CHALLENGED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CHALLENGED: Your marriage has lasted 13 years, so Russ must be doing something right. Not all men are great financial providers, but most manage to make up for it in other ways.

I'll bet the other wives never say a word about their husbands' shortcomings during those chat fests. One way to come to grips with the fact that Russ may "never be a provider" would be to refrain from making comparisons when your co-workers start bragging about their spouses.

DEAR ABBY: Every time I turn on the radio or television, I hear "Call 1-800-THE-COMPANY." I know advertisers want listeners to remember them by their company name, and they think it's a clever reminder of their telephone number -- but it has become silly.

I have poor eyesight, and it's not an easy task trying to decipher those 800 numbers. Why can't they mention the number along with their cute little jingle? It would make contacting them a heck of a lot easier for people like me who happen to be ... BLIND AS A BAT IN COLORADO

DEAR BLIND AS A BAT: You make a good point. Foolish is the vendor who makes it difficult for prospective customers to make contact. It doesn't make sense to sacrifice the practical for the "cute," even though it's often tempting.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 years old and I adore my job and my boss. There is only one problem -- I must commute more than an hour each way, and the drive (especially with gas prices these days) is killing me.

I have been with the company for more than a year, and I recently heard that the parent corporation is hiring for a position similar to mine in the town that I live in. I desperately want to apply for the transfer, but I have no idea how to approach the subject with my boss, since I feel I owe her so much. She hired me for the position when I was fresh out of college with absolutely no experience.

Abby, help me! How do I ask to leave a job that I love? -- SATISFIED EMPLOYEE IN VALDOSTA, GA.

DEAR EMPLOYEE: You are confusing a business relationship with one that is personal. You are also not the first person to want to leave a job because the commute is tiring and expensive.

Go to your boss, tell her you heard a position is opening up close to home, and that you would like to transfer for the reasons you told me. Then ask if she will put in a good word for you. When she hears why you want to be closer to home, I'm sure she'll do it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jonah," and I share a loving and fun relationship. Apparently, I am better than average looking. I know this because people constantly ask my boyfriend, "Wow, how did you get her?" or, "Man, you must pay her to date you!"

I always give Jonah hugs and tell him how attracted I am to him, which is true. My problem is the attention I've been receiving has started to affect HIM. Now he makes comments about how fat he is (he's not), or that his skin is bad (everyone gets zits!), or that I should leave him for someone "better" looking.

Abby, I love this man and want to marry him. How do I convince Jonah that he's my hot, sexy boyfriend whom I love to pieces? -- HOT MAMA IN OREGON

DEAR HOT MAMA: I can't script you, but when Jonah starts putting himself down, try something like this: "You're not giving yourself -- or me -- enough credit. Life isn't a beauty contest. You appeal to me on MANY levels, and your looks are just part of the reason I'm attracted to you. Those other men are jealous of what we have together, and none of them can hold a candle to you."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for a year. It's my second marriage and his first. Because we were unable to afford a wedding at the time, we married at the courthouse.

We are now having a wedding so we can share this with our family and friends.

Some of our friends and family think we are wasting money or looking for gifts. We have not registered anywhere and have made no gift requests. Are we making a mistake? Should we simply have taken the money we're spending on this special day and put it toward a trip for us? -- BLUSHING BRIDE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BLUSHING BRIDE: Your mistake may have been in calling your celebration a "wedding." If you had called it a "renewal of vows with family and friends" it might have been more warmly received. As to whether you should have taken the money you're spending and used it for a honeymoon, I think it's a little late to be second-guessing yourself -- don't you?