DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are writing about our only daughter, "Jessica," who has been married to "Ron" for three years. Jessica recently expressed displeasure (initiated by Ron) about how close we are with Ron's parents. They feel our friendship is somehow unusual or threatening. The in-laws are aware of it and don't intend to change their relationship with us.

From the time that Jessica began dating Ron, my husband and I formed a lovely and close bond with these people. We include each other at family and holiday gatherings. We're baffled, hurt and resent being told to back off from a relationship we cherish. We can't see the logic behind it, and it has put a strain on our relationship with our daughter and son-in-law. What do you think about this, Abby? -- BAFFLED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BAFFLED: Ron may not have as close a relationship with his parents as you do with your daughter. Perhaps they would like to see less of the in-laws. By including them at every family and holiday gathering, you may be forcing more contact than Ron and Jessica would like. So my advice is -- at least for a while -- that you continue to socialize with these people as friends but curtail some of those family activities. See "the kids" alone sometimes, and you may learn the reason they feel the way they do.

DEAR ABBY: One of my friends asks to borrow my discount card (that I pay for) every time we go shopping together. She recently asked me to let her know the next time I plan to go to a particular membership store, so she can tag along and get my discount.

Until now, I have always agreed, but it's beginning to bother me. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being selfish? If not, is there a tactful way to let her know how I feel? -- WISE SHOPPER, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR WISE SHOPPER: Not knowing your friend, it's hard to determine whether she's a mooch or someone who needs a break. Because you feel your generosity is being taken advantage of, a way to handle it would be to tell her that you sometimes decide to shop at the last minute and therefore can't always include her. Another would be to "forget" to mention you're going. Of course there is a third way, and that would be to tell her how you feel -- but it's risky because while true, it's not tactful.

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed the "pennies from heaven" stories you print from time to time. For a while I have wanted to write and tell you my story.

A few days after my mother passed away, my husband and I went to dinner at a local restaurant. We usually pay for our dinners with a credit card, but this time we decided to use cash. Our change was a few dollars and a penny.

For some reason, I decided to check the date on the penny. It was dated 1922, the year of my mother's birth. I am in my 50s and had never found such an old penny before. The 1922 penny is now among other treasures that my mother left me.

I don't believe in coincidences, Abby. I really do believe Mother had something to do with the penny we received. I consider it my "penny from heaven." -- SEATTLE READER

DEAR READER: A penny as proof of a mother's love? I wouldn't be surprised.

DEAR ABBY: I'm working on a school project with several other girls, but I have an issue with one of them. "Sara" wanted to write the paper for our project, which is a huge part of our grade. Once she started writing it, we all realized she wasn't very good at it. I felt I could do a better job, and asked if I could do it instead -- or help critique and edit it. Sara refuses.

I don't want to start a fight or anything, but this is a large part of my grade, and the project is being entered in a contest that I really want to win. Is there a way I can get her to let me help, or should I just let it go? -- REALLY WANTS TO WIN IN OHIO

DEAR REALLY WANTS TO WIN: I'm sure your desire to win the contest is no less strong than that of your teammates. Who submits the paper should be a decision that the majority of you agree on. Discuss your concerns with them and take a vote.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had dinner with two other couples. As soon as the meal was finished, the woman on my left turned her back to me and leaned forward so I could neither see nor converse with the person sitting to her left. She remained like that for the duration of the dinner party.

Our friends say she wasn't angry or upset with me. She has done the same thing in other group gatherings, always with the same friend over whom she "hovers." She will whisper to this friend and exclude everyone else.

I honestly don't think she is aware of how rude she is being. Any idea how I might approach her without hurting her feelings? -- BLOCKED AT THE PARTY

DEAR BLOCKED: The next time it happens, speak up and say, "Excuse me, but I'm isolated over here! Would you mind if I change places with your friend, so I can participate in a conversation while you two talk?" And in the future, because this happens regularly, their preference for talking only to each other should be taken into consideration when the seating is arranged.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 40s and have never lost anyone close to me. Unfortunately, my darling mother-in-law has terminal cancer. I am now preoccupied that people's spirits are near us after they die.

Please don't laugh, but it gives me the creeps. I don't want to think my mother-in-law will watch me making love with my husband, that my father will watch me in the bathroom, or that my mother will be critical of my spending more time with my kids than cleaning the house as she did.

Am I crazy to think I might not have any privacy after my loved ones die? -- SPOOKED IN SPOKANE

DEAR SPOOKED: Calm down. The departed sometimes "visit" those with whom their souls were intertwined, but usually it's to offer strength, solace and reassurance during difficult times. If your mother-in-law's spirit visits you while you're intimate with her son, it will be only to wish you and her son many more years of closeness and happiness in your marriage.

As to your parents, when they travel to the hereafter, I am sure they'll have more pleasant things with which to occupy their time than spying on you. So hold a good thought and quit worrying.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding gift giving. If you receive a gift of clothing (with a receipt) from someone and the garment doesn't fit, is it your responsibility to exchange it, or should you return it to the gift-giver, explain that it's the wrong size and ask the person to return it?

I gave my sister an outfit that didn't fit her. She immediately gave the gift back and asked me to return it. -- LORI IN FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR LORI: It is the recipient's responsibility to return the item. That way she (or he) can be sure the replacement will be the right size, the right color or the right style. To give you your gift back and expect you to take responsibility for it was presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of more than 40 years, "Myra," delivered a letter to my physician outlining her observations of what she claims were "changes" in me. I was called into my doctor's office to respond.

Myra has also told me I should see a psychiatrist. I am disappointed that a friend would say these things about me, and I don't think she should have contacted my doctor without telling me. I have asked others if they have noticed any dramatic changes in me and no one else has.

Myra may have my best interests at heart, but I am upset about this, to say the least. Am I wrong to feel that she has overstepped her boundaries? -- PERFECTLY FINE IN OHIO

DEAR PERFECTLY FINE: Your friend must have been extremely concerned about you to have taken the step she did. And I wish you had mentioned in your letter WHY she thinks you should see a psychiatrist. If you have no family nearby with whom she could discuss her concerns, it's possible that she did what she did out of love for you, so please try to forgive her.

P.S. Was what she did out of character for her? If so, consider discussing it with her family -- or physician.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)