DEAR ABBY: I'm working on a school project with several other girls, but I have an issue with one of them. "Sara" wanted to write the paper for our project, which is a huge part of our grade. Once she started writing it, we all realized she wasn't very good at it. I felt I could do a better job, and asked if I could do it instead -- or help critique and edit it. Sara refuses.

I don't want to start a fight or anything, but this is a large part of my grade, and the project is being entered in a contest that I really want to win. Is there a way I can get her to let me help, or should I just let it go? -- REALLY WANTS TO WIN IN OHIO

DEAR REALLY WANTS TO WIN: I'm sure your desire to win the contest is no less strong than that of your teammates. Who submits the paper should be a decision that the majority of you agree on. Discuss your concerns with them and take a vote.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had dinner with two other couples. As soon as the meal was finished, the woman on my left turned her back to me and leaned forward so I could neither see nor converse with the person sitting to her left. She remained like that for the duration of the dinner party.

Our friends say she wasn't angry or upset with me. She has done the same thing in other group gatherings, always with the same friend over whom she "hovers." She will whisper to this friend and exclude everyone else.

I honestly don't think she is aware of how rude she is being. Any idea how I might approach her without hurting her feelings? -- BLOCKED AT THE PARTY

DEAR BLOCKED: The next time it happens, speak up and say, "Excuse me, but I'm isolated over here! Would you mind if I change places with your friend, so I can participate in a conversation while you two talk?" And in the future, because this happens regularly, their preference for talking only to each other should be taken into consideration when the seating is arranged.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman. Three weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend of five months, "Louie," and I are going to have a baby. This was not planned, and not a happy revelation.

Louie and I are beginning to cope, and friends are really helping. My parents, however, are not. They are pushing me to marry Louie before the baby comes. I explained that I don't want that stigma and that I would like to have a big wedding later, perhaps in 2012.

My parents disagree and want nothing to do with a big wedding down the road since I won't marry Louie now. This will be their first grandchild, and they are ruining the experience by stressing me out. By the way, because of financial hardship, I currently live at home with them. What should I do? -- MAMA-TO-BE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MAMA-TO-BE: At 27 you are an adult, and presumably able to make important decisions for yourself. Do not allow yourself to be rushed into a loveless marriage that could lead to more children and a subsequent divorce. If you and Louie are still together in 2012, you can have the wedding of your dreams then. But please be aware that your parents are under no obligation to pay for it.

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DEAR ABBY: I am in my 40s and have never lost anyone close to me. Unfortunately, my darling mother-in-law has terminal cancer. I am now preoccupied that people's spirits are near us after they die.

Please don't laugh, but it gives me the creeps. I don't want to think my mother-in-law will watch me making love with my husband, that my father will watch me in the bathroom, or that my mother will be critical of my spending more time with my kids than cleaning the house as she did.

Am I crazy to think I might not have any privacy after my loved ones die? -- SPOOKED IN SPOKANE

DEAR SPOOKED: Calm down. The departed sometimes "visit" those with whom their souls were intertwined, but usually it's to offer strength, solace and reassurance during difficult times. If your mother-in-law's spirit visits you while you're intimate with her son, it will be only to wish you and her son many more years of closeness and happiness in your marriage.

As to your parents, when they travel to the hereafter, I am sure they'll have more pleasant things with which to occupy their time than spying on you. So hold a good thought and quit worrying.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding gift giving. If you receive a gift of clothing (with a receipt) from someone and the garment doesn't fit, is it your responsibility to exchange it, or should you return it to the gift-giver, explain that it's the wrong size and ask the person to return it?

I gave my sister an outfit that didn't fit her. She immediately gave the gift back and asked me to return it. -- LORI IN FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR LORI: It is the recipient's responsibility to return the item. That way she (or he) can be sure the replacement will be the right size, the right color or the right style. To give you your gift back and expect you to take responsibility for it was presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of more than 40 years, "Myra," delivered a letter to my physician outlining her observations of what she claims were "changes" in me. I was called into my doctor's office to respond.

Myra has also told me I should see a psychiatrist. I am disappointed that a friend would say these things about me, and I don't think she should have contacted my doctor without telling me. I have asked others if they have noticed any dramatic changes in me and no one else has.

Myra may have my best interests at heart, but I am upset about this, to say the least. Am I wrong to feel that she has overstepped her boundaries? -- PERFECTLY FINE IN OHIO

DEAR PERFECTLY FINE: Your friend must have been extremely concerned about you to have taken the step she did. And I wish you had mentioned in your letter WHY she thinks you should see a psychiatrist. If you have no family nearby with whom she could discuss her concerns, it's possible that she did what she did out of love for you, so please try to forgive her.

P.S. Was what she did out of character for her? If so, consider discussing it with her family -- or physician.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Alana," and I have been married for 14 years. In many ways our marriage is good, but our sex life is horrible. In my opinion, it has never been good. As time passes, I feel more and more anger toward her. Alana is attractive and physically fit; I don't understand her lack of desire. When the subject of sex comes up, it makes us both clam up.

I have been thinking of leaving her. We have become more like best friends than husband and wife. Our two boys would be crushed if we split. I have not -- and would never consider -- an affair. What do you think about this? -- TROUBLED HUSBAND IN MISSOURI

DEAR TROUBLED: Good sex is all about open communication. If the subject makes you and your wife both clam up, it's no wonder your sex life has faltered.

Before you and Alana can get on the same wavelength, you need to understand how each of you defines a good sex life. The reason sex therapy has become a medical specialty is that so many couples have the same problems you're experiencing. Before deciding to call it quits, ask your doctor for a referral to a sex therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am going to be a sophomore in college next year. I played basketball in high school and was offered a full scholarship to play at the college I attend now. I played ball during my freshman year, and I do not want to do it again next year. My heart is no longer in it.

My biggest fear is letting my parents down. I know having my education paid for has helped them out, but don't I have a right to do what makes me happy? Please help me come up with a way to convince them that I'm making the right decision. -- DROPPING THE BALL IN IOWA

DEAR DROPPING THE BALL: Before you make a final decision, you need to know what penalties there may be for dropping your athletic scholarship. You should also check to find out what academic scholarships or loan programs you might qualify for, and if there are any part-time jobs available in case your parents are unable to foot the entire bill for your education. You should also keep in mind that, in a sense, your athletic scholarship is a job that's getting you through college, and it doesn't have to be your heart's desire to be a means to an end.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to thank the schoolteachers, librarians and counselors who were kind to me when I was an at-risk child.

My mother was mentally ill, my father was absent, and the school was my haven. I often wish I could tell some of those adults who helped me along the way that I did make it, that I turned out OK, and that I'm so grateful for the little and big ways they intervened in my life.

To all who serve children: Please know that even very small kindnesses give hope and strength to the child who doesn't receive them elsewhere. -- TURNED OUT OK THANKS TO YOU

DEAR TURNED OUT OK: You have written a beautiful letter, one that could have been written by many students to the educators and other adults who, by their acts of kindness, made a positive difference in their lives. If we think back, I suspect that most of us have had at least one. I know I have, and I, too, am grateful to them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)