DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is upset with my wife and me for sneaking out of a wedding reception early (before the dinner was served). There was a long delay between the reception and the dinner, and a DJ was playing loud, deafening rock 'n' roll music.

We were seated near a speaker and it was virtually impossible to carry on a conversation. My wife claimed a major headache to the guests seated at our table, and we discreetly left the reception.

My mother-in-law says if you accept the dinner invitation it is bad manners not to eat the dinner because it cost the hosts money. I say, if the reception has intolerable environmental factors inflicted on the guests, leaving early is acceptable. Were we rude to leave as we did? -- LOST MY APPETITE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST MY APPETITE: Let me put it this way -- your mother-in-law has a point. Because the music was so loud that you were uncomfortable, you should have asked your hosts to instruct the DJ to lower the volume somewhat. It would have been preferable to walking out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the supervisor of a small office. One of my biggest challenges is scheduling time off for the female employees. In my day, you didn't take a day off unless you were very sick or your child was sick. Now they seem to want time off for everything from school events, sporting events, getting their nails done, their faces waxed or tanning appointments. I am amazed at the decline in work ethic.

As I read about the unemployment in our country, I would think people would be grateful to have a well-paying job with benefits -- but the recession hasn't slowed any of our female employees down one bit. What has happened to the old-fashioned work ethic that founded this country? (Maybe it went south along with the jobs?) And by the way, Abby, I am a female. -- TAKES MY JOB SERIOUSLY

DEAR TAKES: Most companies give employees time off for personal business and vacations, as well as time off for their own illnesses or the illness of family members. If they choose to use the time the way you have described, it is their right to do so. However, if they are taking more than the company offers, that could be a problem. While I understand your point, please try to be less judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I work and lead busy lives. The dinner table is the only place we can sit together with our son and have a relaxing conversation. My wife, however, goes off and eats by herself saying she can't wait -- even though dinner is almost ready. I have tried telling her I prefer family time, but she brushes me off or becomes angry. Any suggestions? -- HUNGRY FOR CONVERSATION

DEAR HUNGRY: Yes. If you want family dinners with your wife, you will have to find out -- and resolve -- what is eating her. Clear the air and you may find her less hungry for solitude.

A gentle reminder: Families sitting down and sharing meals together is a practice that is happening less and less, and it's a shame. Teachers tell me that students who eat with their parents usually earn better grades than those who eat in front of a television set or on the run.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write regarding "Doc in Distress" (March 26), who allowed a critically wounded comrade to push him away so he could save others. I spent eight years as a combat medic in the Army. As hard as it is to hear, that person acted precisely as he was trained.

Training in mass casualty situations -- triage -- dictates that immediate care be given to those who are most likely to survive. Those who are identified as "expectant" are to be treated last. The purpose is to successfully treat the greatest number of people. Putting his energy into trying to save someone who would possibly die anyway could have resulted in even more fatalities.

Unfortunately, nothing anyone can say or do will reduce the guilt he feels. "Playing God" is never easy, and many medics have wondered if they would be able to do it. -- KIMBERLY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KIMBERLY: Thank you for writing. I have been flooded with mail from medics from all branches of the military, from World War II, Korea, Vietnam and the current combat zones, offering support for Doc. I wish I could print them all. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I know his pain. I served in Iraq as a combat medic and watched friends die as I tried to help everyone I could. I still have nightmares and flashbacks. However, with treatment they are now under control.

I want Doc to understand that what he did was right. The soldier knew he was going to die no matter what was done. He gave his life for his team and his country. Doc needs to understand that this soldier's family is grieving and took it out on the person who just happened to be there.

I urge Doc to go to a mental health officer on base or to his local vet center for help. He can also call Military OneSource at (800) 342-9647. There are mental health people standing by 24/7 to help. -- A BROTHER MEDIC IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: The family of that wounded soldier needs to know that his last act of courage probably saved more than one life that day by allowing Doc to move on and treat others who could be saved. They should salute their family member and the actions of the medic.

Historically, military medics go into major battles, generally unarmed, with one purpose: to save the lives of wounded soldiers. They have one of the highest per capita casualty rates in the armed forces. It takes a special person to go into a live battle like that. -- NAVY VETERAN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: I am an active duty member, and I would like to offer Doc my support and that of those I work with for his courage in performing his duty in a terrible situation. If I were to be lost in combat, I would want someone like him to be near. His caring for the family of that member is to be commended. They may not understand now, but in time they will come to realize that he did all he could for their son and appreciate that he brought the letter home.

Bravo Zulu, Doc! -- TRICIA IN GULFPORT, MISS.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mom from California with two beautiful children and no immediate family serving in the military. Except for watching the war on the evening news, my life is far removed from war.

Not a day goes by that I don't say a prayer of thanks to our men and women who serve in the military. Surviving war is hard enough without the added burden of guilt. I hope that one day Doc can find peace with his decision and know that America is proud of his service.

I want to take this opportunity to thank Doc and all of our armed forces. Without them, I would not be able to live a safe, comfortable life away from the horrors of war. -- A VERY GRATEFUL AMERICAN

DEAR READERS: On this Memorial Day, let us bless the spirits of those servicemen and women who have sacrificed their lives that we might live in freedom. -- LOVE, ABBY

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: As a nation, we Americans are at our best when we come together bonded by a noble purpose. It is my privilege to invite our citizens to unite for the National Moment of Remembrance at 3 p.m. (local time) tomorrow on Memorial Day, Monday, May 31. Our hope is that your readers will pause at that moment whether at a ballgame or barbecue, in the swimming pool or at the shopping mall, in respectful silence to honor America's fallen.

To unite the country in remembrance, Congress officially established the National Moment of Remembrance in 2000. And as has been done in the past, in observance of this National Moment, Major League Baseball games will stop, Amtrak trains will blow their whistles and the National Grocers Association and Food Marketing Institute will have customers and staff pause in more than 30,000 stores throughout our country.

Abby, your patriotism and compassion, united with that of your millions of readers, have helped us -- and continue to help us -- unite our country in remembrance of our fallen on Memorial Day.

We must ensure that their lives, their deaths and the memory of their sacrifice will never be forgotten. So let us stop for a moment at 3:00 (local time) tomorrow and commit to live honoring America's fallen every day that we breathe the fresh air of freedom in our land of hope and promise. -- CARMELLA LA SPADA, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your beautiful letter. I accept your kind invitation on behalf of myself and Dear Abby readers everywhere. This act of unity on Memorial Day will be a time of respect, reflection and commitment in memory of the almost 2 million men and women who have died in the service of our nation. Their sacrifices for us live on in each constitutional right we practice, and in our hearts always.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and will attend a private high school in the fall. Both of my sisters were star athletes at the same school. I am gifted in both academics and athletics, and I'll be taking two honors classes.

My dad recently pointed out that I am required to play a sport. I believe if I do, I will be too stressed out and my grades will slip. He wants me to be this "super child" that I am not and go to Harvard. Everyone who knows me overestimates me. How should I approach him to tell him how I really feel? -- PUSHED TO MY LIMITS IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PUSHED: If you're unsure about your ability to carry the load, approach your father as you have approached me. However, before you do, I wish you would take into consideration that participating in a sport can be an effective way of releasing stress -- including academic pressure. If sports are a requirement at your school, there is a good reason for it. So please, at least give it a try. If it's too much for you, talk to your parents, as well as your counselor at school.

P.S. As to "everyone who knows you overestimating you," has it occurred to you that you may be UNDERestimating yourself?

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)