DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I became suspicious that my wife of 40 years was having an affair with an old high school friend. At first I thought I was misreading the signs. Then I found an unfinished e-mail on our computer making a date to meet him "at our special place," and I was crushed. I began gathering information and found it was true and that it had been going on for some time.
When I confronted her, she denied everything until I told her about the e-mail and everything else I had found. She eventually admitted it was true and said she had wanted only to see if she was still attractive to men because she felt we were "drifting apart in our lives."
We tried counseling, but when she was able to make only one appointment due to "job conflicts," I gave up. I don't trust anything she tells me now, and I don't know which way to turn.
I stupidly agreed not to discuss this with any of her family or friends. I hate thinking that everything I thought we were working for will end up being split down the middle (if I'm lucky), and I will probably be painted as the one at fault. -- DUPED AND TRUSTLESS IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR DUPED AND TRUSTLESS: Because your wife refused counseling does not mean that you shouldn't go, and that's what I'm urging you to do. You need someone who is not emotionally involved to help you get your head straight. Once you do, you will have a better idea of what you want to do and how to accomplish it. You should also save the evidence, in case your wife tries in the coming months to lay the blame for her infidelity on you. You have my sympathy.