DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I became suspicious that my wife of 40 years was having an affair with an old high school friend. At first I thought I was misreading the signs. Then I found an unfinished e-mail on our computer making a date to meet him "at our special place," and I was crushed. I began gathering information and found it was true and that it had been going on for some time.

When I confronted her, she denied everything until I told her about the e-mail and everything else I had found. She eventually admitted it was true and said she had wanted only to see if she was still attractive to men because she felt we were "drifting apart in our lives."

We tried counseling, but when she was able to make only one appointment due to "job conflicts," I gave up. I don't trust anything she tells me now, and I don't know which way to turn.

I stupidly agreed not to discuss this with any of her family or friends. I hate thinking that everything I thought we were working for will end up being split down the middle (if I'm lucky), and I will probably be painted as the one at fault. -- DUPED AND TRUSTLESS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DUPED AND TRUSTLESS: Because your wife refused counseling does not mean that you shouldn't go, and that's what I'm urging you to do. You need someone who is not emotionally involved to help you get your head straight. Once you do, you will have a better idea of what you want to do and how to accomplish it. You should also save the evidence, in case your wife tries in the coming months to lay the blame for her infidelity on you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My son was married a short time ago. The reception was held at my condo member hall. After the reception, the bride and groom asked me to refrigerate the leftover bottom layer of the wedding cake. They said they'd pick it up the next day.

Six days later, the cake was still in my fridge. They made excuses every day for not picking it up. Finally, I threw it away.

Now I'm the bad guy, and the bride is demanding an apology. Abby, the cake was hard and crusty, and I felt six days was long enough. Was I wrong in dumping the cake? -- FATHER OF THE GROOM IN FORT WORTH

DEAR FATHER: Let me put it this way -- rather than storing the cake in the fridge, it should have immediately gone into the freezer so it could be eaten at a later date. But because that didn't happen, and the cake was fit only to be used as a paving stone or a doorstop, the logical thing to do was throw it away.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 50s and part of a management team at work. My first name is Mary. Every time the boss sees me he starts reciting that nursery rhyme, "Mary, Mary, quite contrary!" I find it belittling and insulting.

I have expressed my dislike of what he's doing, but he can't seem to stop. Is this a form of workplace harassment? -- "QUITE" ANNOYED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANNOYED: If you have told your boss you find what he's doing to be unwelcome and he continues anyway, it might qualify as creating a hostile work environment. It appears you work for an insensitive clod whose attempts to be clever are annoying and pathetic rather than witty. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am in shock. My brother, "Paul," invited me to lunch yesterday and introduced me to an 18-year-old girl, "Amy," whom he says is his daughter from a woman other than his wife. Naturally, she was full of questions about me and the rest of the family.

I don't know why Paul chose to reveal Amy's existence to me -- and only me -- but I told my brother he needs to share his "secret" with all concerned. I don't think it's fair for Amy to be deprived of meeting her father's side of the family.

I also don't want anyone to get hurt, but Amy has been hurt enough by this secret. I am uncomfortable that my brother has included me in this conspiracy, and I'm not sure how to handle this. Any ideas? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: On some level your brother may want the truth to come out, because when a secret is shared it's no longer a secret. So tell your brother that you refuse to be his co-conspirator, and that you feel his keeping Amy isolated from the family is unfair to her. Then give him a deadline to come clean, with the understanding that if he doesn't, you will.

DEAR ABBY: Now that I have found a job after a few months of unemployment, my boyfriend and I are tying the knot. I work in a very small office and would like to invite everyone to bring a date to the reception. My dilemma? I suspect that two of the men in the office are involved with each other, and I'm not close enough to anyone else to inquire.

I have no problem with their sexual orientation, but I don't want to put my foot in my mouth by inviting them as a couple. What would you think of posting an invitation (postcards and e-vites) to all employees and their dates? I ordinarily wouldn't, but being a little "gauche" seems better than being downright rude. I suspect the men downplay their relationship, and I don't want to invade their privacy. Abby, what would you do? -- BRIDE WITH A DILEMMA

DEAR BRIDE: I would handle it by inviting each of my co-workers, stating "and guest" on the invitation, and asking for an RSVP. Then, whomever they choose to bring is up to them, and all I'd need to know is how many guests to expect at the reception.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Luke" for about three months. He's a sweet and thoughtful guy who cares about me, and I care for him as well.

My problem is I have never been the kind of person who likes to be touched. It makes me feel tense and uneasy. Luke likes to touch me constantly -- stroking my cheek, rubbing the back of my neck, or kissing my cheeks and forehead.

It isn't that I don't like hugs or kisses, but too much drives me crazy. How do I explain this to Luke without hurting his feelings? -- ENOUGH IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ENOUGH: A good start would be to say to him exactly what you have communicated to me. And when you do, tell him to please not take your feelings as personal rejection. Different people have different needs for closeness and affection. Because the constant touching makes you uncomfortable, you and Luke must reach a compromise that's acceptable to both of you -- or you're not the girl for him.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your column of April 12, 2010, and the letter about the man who refuses to file tax returns, your answer was only partially correct. In addition to enrolled agents, tax returns are also prepared by other licensed professionals.

Certified public accountants are regulated by the various states and do a great deal of tax preparation.

Some tax attorneys may prepare income tax returns. The failure to file a tax return could be a crime, in which case the individual would need a tax attorney to represent him in trying to avoid a jail sentence. Communications to tax attorneys may be covered by the attorney-client privilege.

In addition, there are practitioners who are qualified both as attorneys and as CPAs. While many enrolled agents may also be CPAs, or even attorneys, you should not have restricted your recommendation to enrolled agents only. -- SYDNEY S. TRAUM, JD-CPA, MIAMI BEACH, FLA.

DEAR SYDNEY: My thanks to you and the countless other CPAs and attorneys who wrote to correct me. I apologize for the omission. After wading through the tidal wave of mail, I contacted the National Association of Enrolled Agents (NAEA) for clarification and was told:

"There are many outstanding tax practitioners who are attorneys or CPAs, some of whom are members of NAEA. We do not wish to imply in any way that they are less qualified or capable in the field of taxation. We just want to call attention to the profession of enrolled agents and let the public know that they are the only tax practitioners SPECIFICALLY licensed by the Department of the Treasury."

Readers, I hope this straightens out any confusion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was intrigued by the letter from the woman whose boyfriend has refused to file tax returns for eight years. In addition to the civil ramifications of refusing to file the tax return as articulated in your response, it is a federal crime not to file one.

An individual who has the requisite income is punishable for up to three years in prison for failure to file a tax return for each year in which he or she is responsible for filing one. Additionally, it can be construed by the government as tax evasion, for which the maximum penalty includes five years imprisonment for each year in which the tax is evaded. -- DENNIS C. KAINEN, MIAMI BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year marriage to someone just like the man in that letter became a financial disaster. Even though I did file separately, I co-signed home, car and credit card loans with him. It has taken me more than 10 years to regain my good credit and restore my dignity.

If she does marry him, he will display immaturity in other areas -- as a husband, a father, an employee -- and she will look back (as I did) and realize what a horrible mistake she made. She should not ignore this important signpost! Please warn her to wake up before it's too late. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, ROCHESTER, N.Y.