DEAR ABBY: "Ethan" and I have been married 36 years. He's a good and caring husband, but he has a habit that irritates me no end. He opens our mail -- whether it's addressed to him or not.

I have nothing to hide and I always show or mention what I receive. I don't open mail that's addressed to him and would appreciate the courtesy of being able to open mail that's addressed to me. However, Ethan won't stop and insists that there is nothing wrong with what he's doing.

I'm about to the point of opening a post office box in my name and having my mail sent there, but it seems silly to go to that extreme. Am I being overly sensitive? -- FRUSTRATED IN GILMER, TEXAS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If this were just about Ethan opening your mail, I'd say that after 36 years you might be overreacting. However, it seems to me that what's really bothering you is less about your mail being opened and more that your husband continues to disregard your wishes and does it over your objection. THAT'S what you need to get across to him, and if opening a post office box in your name will make the point, then that's what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question that isn't earth-shaking, but concerns a lot of people my age. Each year as I grow older and read my friends' obituaries I think about my own and how I would personally like mine to read. I would like to spare my family the difficulty of trying to sort through the details of my life.

I'm wondering just what is supposed to go into an obituary. As a professional, I have information about that side of my life. It's the personal part I'm wondering about. Are there any rules on this? What is expected or accepted? I'm sure there are others who would also welcome suggestions on this. -- THINKING AHEAD IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: Most obituaries are paid advertisements, and they can be as long or brief as the family wishes. Some are simple, mentioning date and place of birth, the names of the deceased's parents, as well as spouse, siblings, children and grandchildren. Business and personal achievements are often, but not always, included. However, I have also seen obituaries that were excerpted from eulogies. To find out more information, you should inquire at your local newspaper.

DEAR ABBY: I have been searching for a new job (unbeknownst to my current employer), and have been fortunate enough to get a few interviews. For the most part, they have been scheduled during business hours. I feel guilty making excuses to get out and attend them.

What would your advice be for someone in my position? Is there a better way to get around having to make up excuses to my employer? -- FEELING GUILTY IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I can think of two. When your interviews are being scheduled, let your prospective employer know that you're still working and ask if your interview can be before or after work or during your lunch break. If that's not possible, then rather than lie to your boss, ask to come in later or leave early and have it subtracted from your "personal time."

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my college boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have had our share of struggles, but worked through most of them over time.

Lately, our polar opposite political views have driven a wedge between us. I feel we are losing respect for each other as well as our sense of intimacy and love.

How can we learn to have a mutual respect for our different political opinions while not compromising what each truly believes? -- RIDING A SEESAW IN MIAMI

DEAR RIDING A SEESAW: Begin by accepting that not all couples are in lockstep when it comes to their political beliefs. It is easier when you have respect for each other in other areas of your relationship. Then remember that when it comes to voting, individuals are not joined at the hip. And if that doesn't work, follow the example set by James Carville and Mary Matalin, a high-profile, politically disparate couple whose differences haven't driven them apart.

DEAR ABBY: Every time I go out with a man who says he wants a woman who treats him well and doesn't play around, I get burned. I'm not a game player, and I end up tripping over my feelings every single time. I give every guy the benefit of the doubt, and I'm the one who is always disappointed! At 29, I am contemplating life with eight cats and a set of knitting needles because I have finally had it with dating. Aren't there any men who actually mean what they say anymore? -- STEPHANIE IN HOUSTON

DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm tempted to say no, that all the good ones are married off -- but it wouldn't be true. So here's what I'm recommending: Start asking your friends of both sexes what you may be doing to attract men who hurt you or flake out. When a woman is repeatedly hurt because she gives every guy "the benefit of the doubt," it's because she's attracting the wrong people.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago my husband and I took in a family member's infant daughter until a time when her mother could get back on her feet. That time never came, and we went through the process of adoption. We have been a happy family ever since.

I am now pregnant for the first time. Several friends and relatives have offered to throw us a shower. I am unsure of the proper etiquette since this is our second child (but our first biological child). My husband and I don't want to seem to be asking for anything, especially if having a shower for a second baby is considered improper. But we have never had a chance to experience the fun side of a pregnancy. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- FIRST-TIME PREGNANT, SECOND-TIME MOM

DEAR FIRST-TIME PREGNANT: I see no reason why there shouldn't be a shower for your baby. It's a lovely way to celebrate the new life you are bringing into the world. However, according to Emily Post: "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should NOT give the shower. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to direct relatives."

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DEAR ABBY: I'm an athletic, youthful-looking 58, and my son, "Barry," is 24. We go out alone for dinner quite often because my husband (Barry's father) doesn't enjoy eating in restaurants. My problem is the angry stares my son and I get from younger -- and older -- women who mistake me for a "cougar" out on a date with my "cub."

The other night when I left our table to use the restroom, a woman approached Barry, told him he was "disgusting," and asked, "Why don't you date girls your own age?" He informed her that I was his mother, but even if I wasn't, it was none of her business. Another time, a girl Barry's age asked him why he was out with "an old hag" and said, "How can you want her over me?" This happens every time we go out.

I dress well and look like I could be in my 40s, but I have to wonder about the rudeness and ignorance of someone insulting my son without knowing the circumstances of the situation. Some of them refused to believe the truth even after Barry told them.

Interestingly, young men who have commented thought it was "awesome" that Barry could be out with a cougar. It's only the females who have a problem with us. Can you comment on this? -- HAPPILY MARRIED MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: Some thoughts do come to mind: Women who are happy in their personal lives don't approach strangers with snide remarks like those you have repeated. The women were rude, presumptuous, probably envious -- and I'll bet they were also alone, because it's hard to imagine a woman with a date doing something so outrageous.

I'm not surprised that younger men might think it was "awesome" that your son could be out with a cougar. When the subject was raised in my column, the men who commented said what attracted them to older women was that they are confident, relaxed, comfortable with themselves and fun to be around -- while younger women didn't bother to be subtle about their preference for men with money.

And one more thing: You must be quite a knockout to attract the kind of attention you're getting.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old guy who doesn't know what I want to do with my life. I know I'm still young and shouldn't stress out about what my career in life will be, but nothing seems to interest me. I don't want to be a doctor or an astronomer like some do. I can't cook or play any instruments, and I'm not very good with numbers. I have thought of hundreds of careers -- and I hate them all.

I don't want to do something I will hate for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid that's what will happen. I have been to three different counselors and none was able to help me. I'm hoping you can offer me some advice. -- HOPELESS IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR HOPELESS: You aren't the first person to panic because he (or she) is afraid of being stuck in a career slot that doesn't fit. The good news is one of the realities of today's workplace is that in many cases, jobs no longer last a lifetime. Workers can expect to change jobs and be retrained several times -- or more -- during their working years. I hope this relieves some of your anxiety.

Although you have decided what jobs do not interest you, nowhere have you mentioned any areas in which you excel. For that reason I'm advising you to go to your nearest community college career counseling center and ask to take some aptitude tests. People usually enjoy doing something they're good at.