DEAR ABBY: The other day my wife of 45 years was cleaning our bathroom and I popped in to ask her a question. I saw her remove my denture brush from the cup and begin cleaning the cracks and crevices of the bathroom with it.

When she realized I was watching her, she said, "Oops, busted! Oh, well, it's not like you put it in your mouth." She also admitted it wasn't the first time. Do you think I should be concerned? -- BRUSHED OFF IN WISCONSIN

DEAR BRUSHED OFF: You absolutely should be concerned. Although the denture brush doesn't go into your mouth, it does have contact with the appliances that do. Your wife's behavior could be a sign of ignorance or bad judgment, but it could also be a sign of senility. This should be reported to your doctor, who should explain to your wife how ill-advised this practice is -- or give her a diagnosis.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, after much searching, I found the love of my life, "Laura," and we were married. Most of our time together is harmonious; the remainder is volatile.

Laura is insanely jealous of practically everything I do. The most recent episode was over a junk e-mail she had seen in my inbox. She asked me about it as we were going to bed, and I told her I had no idea what it was. The next day she asked me to look for it. I did, but I couldn't find it. Laura then accused me of hiding and deleting it. Well, I always delete the "spam" e-mail I receive.

Laura had a horrible first marriage and was wronged in the divorce. She keeps telling me it isn't the reason for her suspicions, but it's hard to believe that doesn't play a part. These arguments are horrible and are causing trouble in our marriage. I am open and honest with her, and I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life. But her doubts, fears and mistrust are driving me crazy. What do I do? -- UNDER CONSTANT ATTACK IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: If you want your marriage to survive, tell Laura that although you love her, you will no longer tolerate her inability to trust you and the volatile scenes her insecurity has caused.

Whatever is driving her paranoia, she needs to work it through with a licensed mental health professional. Because she may be resistant to the idea, start by insisting you both see a marriage counselor. That person can be an ally in guiding her into the counseling she seriously needs. I wish you luck, because I suspect her issues go back farther than her first marriage.

DEAR ABBY: With the push in stores to buy their reusable shopping bags, I was wondering what the rule is about bringing bags from different stores. Is it rude if I use bags I purchased from somewhere else? -- SHOPPING GREEN IN BLOOMFIELD, N.M.

DEAR SHOPPING GREEN: Not at all. Stores are in the business of selling merchandise, and if they can bring in money and at the same time promote their brand by selling bags with their logo, that's a double bang for their buck. But please don't feel obligated to use store-brand shopping bags in every establishment you patronize -- or you'll wind up owning more than you can reasonably use. And that's not budget-wise or "green" either.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have been home-schooled for a few years, but I hate it.

My parents recently got a divorce after many years of trying to. Although I was used to the idea of their divorce, I cried when it happened. Mom asked me what was wrong and I told her. Her reply was, "Oh, grow up. You're 13, not 5!" It showed me she doesn't care about my feelings.

I don't know why, but sometimes I think I'm the reason behind my parents' split. Also, I have no idea how to tell Mom I want to go to high school next year. I feel like my life is falling apart. What do I do? -- TENNESSEE TEEN IN TURMOIL

DEAR TENNESSEE TEEN: Regardless of how old a person is, when parents divorce it can be shocking -- even if you saw it coming. It's normal to be sad about it, but don't make your burden harder to bear by feeling in any way guilty about the split.

Children are seldom, if ever, the cause -- or even a factor -- in a divorce or separation. The circumstances that led your parents to separate are far more complex than they may appear on the surface. Your parents have probably been deeply hurt by each other. Rarely is one party entirely to blame. Do not feel sorry for yourself or ashamed. Divorce happens in the best of families.

Your mother's reaction to your tears was regrettable. It may have been she felt defensive. Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster -- so be prepared for her to have mood swings and don't personalize it. (She may be having a bad day.)

As to your attending high school rather than being home-schooled --- a way to approach a discussion would be to tell your mother you would like to try it for "a while." She may be more receptive than you think, because she may need to get a job or return to school to prepare for one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old college student. My boyfriend, "Jay," and I have been together four years and plan to become engaged after school. The problem is, I have never told him my mom is a lesbian. She dresses like a man and wears her hair very short. I have always accepted her for who she is -- or at least I thought so.

I have told Jay lies about my mom and dad being together when, in fact, they are not. My dad is deceased, and Mom has a girlfriend. I will graduate soon and Jay will be there. So will Mom and her girlfriend.

I feel like I am losing my mind the closer that graduation comes. Jay is a wonderful person, but sometimes he can be judgmental. I have wanted to tell him the truth many times, but I'm afraid of what he will think of me or have second thoughts about our relationship. I can't seem to find the words to tell him even when I try. Please help. -- KEEPING A SECRET IN HUNTSVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR KEEPING A SECRET: Here are the words: "Jay, there is something I need to tell you -- something I haven't been completely honest about." Then tell him everything and do it before graduation, so he will have time to forgive you for not trusting him and being truthful about your background. He will probably be more upset about the deception than any impression your mother could make. If Jay loves you, the two of you will get past this. But if he's not up to it, then your relationship wasn't meant to be, and you'll have to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I overheard my boss talking about something that sounded like a cover-up for an "accident" involving some people he doesn't like. I would like to report him to the police, but he knows I heard him and I'm afraid if the police question him, my little girl or I could wind up having an "accident," too.

What should I do? Several people are already in the hospital. -- WORRIED SICK

DEAR WORRIED: Because you are afraid you or your child could be in danger, find another job and put as much distance between you and your sociopathic boss as possible. And, as "insurance," discuss not only what you heard -- but also your concerns -- with your religious adviser before contacting the authorities "confidentially." All it takes for evil to flourish is for men (and women) of good conscience to remain silent.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hospitalist, a physician who cares for hospitalized patients. When I enter a patient's room, I invariably find the television blaring. Usually the patient or family members will make no effort to mute the TV, and I must turn it off myself. Because they are paying me to communicate, I would assume they would want to hear what I have to say.

Occasionally patients have expressed irritation at having their TV turned off (they can turn it back on using the bedside control). It seems to me that good manners require one to turn off the television or radio or hang up the phone when the physician makes rounds. Am I wrong? -- HOSPITALIST IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR HOSPITALIST: You have my sympathy. Dr. Oz, Ellen and "The View" are stiff competition.

No, you are not wrong. Not only is it good manners, it makes good sense to give full attention to everything the doctor has to say, as well as be able to answer any questions free of distraction. However, because your patients may not be thinking clearly -- if they were they would use better manners -- you are absolutely right to turn off the set after a brief explanation why.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife, "Leigh," for seven years. We have two sons, ages 4 and 2. I love Leigh and our sons very much.

Over the years I became increasingly dependent on drinking (beer). I have never been abusive, but Leigh expressed concern about it. I didn't think the problem was anything we couldn't deal with.

A little over a year ago, Leigh's mother died of cancer. It has been an extremely emotional time for her, and she has now decided she can no longer tolerate my behavior. She's not even sure she's in love with me anymore.

Hearing her say it made me realize how big a deal my drinking is, and I am committed to changing. But after a month of trying, Leigh still says she would be better off alone. She is starting counseling soon. I told her I'd go with her.

This is a painful period for us, and I can't imagine my life without her and the kids. Is it too late? -- SCARED SOBER IN AUSTIN

DEAR SCARED: That remains to be seen. One month of sobriety isn't enough to make up for years of being emotionally absent because you had a "buzz" going. Counseling may help you both, but you need more than that. If you are sincere about kicking the habit, you will join an alcohol rehab program. A listing for Alcoholics Anonymous is as near as your telephone directory -- and so is Al-Anon, which could help your wife, who may still be grieving the loss of her mother.