DEAR ABBY: I have been married 19 years to a beautiful, accomplished woman. We have two wonderful children. I fooled around throughout my marriage because I could. I justified it by telling myself the women knew what they were doing, and I never made any false promises about leaving my wife. She suspected a couple of times, but always gave me the benefit of the doubt.

My last affair ended publicly with every gory detail exposed. My family, work, reputation -- everything that mattered to me -- have been destroyed. I can't talk about any of it to a therapist because I am so ashamed. Friends, family and co-workers now shun me. I have hit rock bottom.

If you have a hopeful solution, please share it. Otherwise, please print this as a warning to other men like me that when they hit bottom -- as will surely happen -- there's nowhere to turn. I want to end my life. -- SHATTERED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHATTERED: I understand this experience has been painful for all concerned, but stop focusing only about yourself and your pain. Suicide may seem like a solution to your problems, but your children need you alive and functional -- and their needs must take precedence.

Find a therapist -- someone you can relate to, and feel safe enough with to discuss everything that has happened from the beginning.

There is life after divorce. And, as many celebrities can attest, there is also life after public embarrassment and career setbacks. So straighten your backbone and keep marching forward. While it may not seem like it right now, there are better days ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I rarely get along -- mainly because she thinks she's fabulous and I don't. I'm in my 30s, married with a child and have a career. I am tired of riding an emotional roller coaster with Mother.

She is planning her next visit and I don't want her to come. Her visits end up lasting a week or more, and her conversation consists of complaining, making snide comments about my house and how I am raising my child (under the guise of being "helpful"), and then whining because I don't have the time or desire to entertain or placate her.

Can you tell me how to tell her that visits to my house are no longer welcomed? -- DONE WITH THE DRAMA

DEAR DONE: When your mother raises the subject of her visit, tell her that she would be more comfortable staying at a hotel when she comes and so would you. That way you can control the amount of time you spend together. Offer to split the cost with her, then pray she agrees.

DEAR ABBY: Here's a new one for you. A group of friends and I are frequent customers on some of the home shopping channels. When we buy jewelry it arrives in a gift case or box. We hate to throw them away. Any ideas on how we can donate or recycle those gift boxes? -- DIANA IN LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR DIANA: Depending upon how you store your jewelry, you could keep the items in their presentation boxes in a drawer with the tops open, so the drawer becomes a large jewelry box and they don't become scratched. Or, save the boxes and reuse them when giving small gifts at Christmas or on birthdays. If you know of any people or groups who make jewelry or other crafts, offer the boxes to them. Otherwise, (sob!) it's off to the landfill.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you published your recipe for Abby's Famous Pecan Pie. I cut it out and made it often because it was the best pecan pie I ever tasted.

Somehow I have misplaced my recipe. I have come across other ones, but not yours. Would you be so kind as to reprint it in your column? I have committed to bringing a couple of pies to an upcoming event. It would mean a lot to me to be able to use it again. I know everyone who tastes it will agree that it's the best they have ever eaten. -- RUBY IN LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR RUBY: I have no doubt that they will. Years ago, a male reader informed me that a festival had been held in his community, part of which was a pie baking contest. "To the delight of my wife and friends," he wrote, "and the chagrin of the other contestants -- all women -- I took first prize." The recipe he had used was one my mother, Pauline Phillips, had printed in this column.

My mother had a notorious sweet tooth and had discovered the pie while a guest at the Phoenix Hotel in Lexington, Ky. (The hotel has since been demolished.) The recipe had been created by the hotel's pastry chef, who kindly shared it with her. Because one good turn deserves another -- here it is:

ABBY'S FAMOUS PECAN PIE

9-inch unbaked pie crust

1 cup light corn syrup

1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

3 eggs, slightly beaten

1/3 cup butter, melted

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 heaping cup pecan halves

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, combine corn syrup, sugar, eggs, butter, salt and vanilla; mix well. Pour into unbaked pie crust; sprinkle with pecan halves.

3. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes or until center is set. (Toothpick inserted in center will come out clean when pie is done.) If the crust or pie appears to be getting too brown, cover with foil for the remaining baking time. Cool.

You can top with a bit of whipped cream, but even plain, nothing tops this!

Readers, this recipe is included in my set of cookbooklets, which contains more than 100 mouthwatering recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts. Some readers have told me they used them to host Dear Abby-themed dinner parties. The set can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

TIP: The original recipe stated that the pie should be baked 45 to 50 minutes in a preheated 350-degree gas oven. If an electric oven is used, it may be necessary to add 15 to 20 minutes to the baking time. (Begin testing the pie with a toothpick after 45 minutes.) Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: "No Laughing Matter" (Feb. 22) wrote about her mother-in-law making snide comments because there is so little resemblance between her son and her grandchild. It's a fact that not all offspring look like their parents.

My husband and I have seven biological children who are now young adults. We marvel at the breadth and depth of our collective gene pool.

I am a petite brown-eyed brunette, and my husband is tall and blond with hazel eyes. None of our kids look alike. One daughter inherited my brown eyes, but her hair is blond. Two kids have my dark hair, but one has blue eyes and the other has green eyes. One son is the spitting image of his dad, while another resembles my father as a child. Our "baby" girl is the tallest female and has a buxom figure she certainly did not inherit from me.

Another thing: Out of all nine of us, our second child is the only family member who cannot curl her tongue. The study of genetics is an amazing thing, especially when we find out what we think we know isn't necessarily so. -- THEY'RE ALL OURS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALL: Thank you for your in"gene"ious response. Other readers felt "No Laughing Matter" should ignore her mother-in-law's comments and handle the matter with humor. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was about 13, my "dear" mother-in-law said she didn't look like her son, also implying that I had been unfaithful. I looked her directly in the eye and replied, "Of course she doesn't look like your son. She resembles MY side of the family." She never commented again. -- NOT UNFAITHFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: The next time "No Laughing Matter's" mother-in-law remarks how one child bears no resemblance to Dad, she should say, "You know, genetics are fascinating. I've often thought how much this beautiful child resembles you." -- MARC IN CLEVELAND HEIGHTS

DEAR ABBY: My oldest brother and I look identical despite our 10-year age difference. Our middle brother, however, didn't look like either one of us. Our family jokingly referred to him as "the milkman's son" until he hit middle age. At that point in his life, he became the spitting image of our father. "No Laughing Matter" should not take her mother-in-law seriously. -- KATHY IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I bet if that mother-in-law looked through an old photo album she might notice that this grandchild has Grandpa's nose and eyes, and maybe Great-Uncle Charley's ears. My wife and I have five children. Three of them closely resemble us. The other two don't look like they belong to us -- until you look at my wife's maternal cousins. Our daughter and one of her cousins could pass as twins. -- LEROY IN POULSBO, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was widowed at 35 with three young children. A few years later, "Pop" came into our lives and married "us." He always treated us like we were his biological kids and we knew we were loved. Pop was a mailman in our small town and my brother used to tag along with him on his route. Many people would comment that they "knew" immediately that this was his son, "He looks just like you!"

"No Laughing Matter" needs to move on. Life is too short to feel bad about thoughtless people and their silly comments. -- JACK'S DAUGHTER IN UPSTATE NEW YORK