DEAR ABBY: My mother became pregnant with me in 1965 when she was 20 and divorced from her husband. My father was a married man who knew about me, but made no effort to see me.

I know my mother believed he would leave his wife for her, and because I closely resemble him -- according to family members -- she must have felt terrible when I was growing up. I always felt she didn't love me as much as she loved my brothers.

I have grown up with a hole inside me where a dad was supposed to be. I have never felt worthy or deserving of anything in my life, and now my mother has cut me off from the family.

Should I try to see if my father wants to know me now? Maybe time has mellowed him. I feel like he is a great big unfinished spot in my life. What should I do? -- ALONE AND UNLOVED, MONROE, LA.

DEAR ALONE AND UNLOVED: Life has dealt you a difficult hand through no fault of your own. You are hurting right now, and that is why I'm urging you to talk to a counselor about what you have been through and how you feel about yourself BEFORE reaching out to your father. You deserve love and nurturing, but before you try to make contact it's important that you have more inner resources than you have now -- just in case he doesn't turn out to be the man you would like him to be. Contacting him through a third party might also be wise.

DEAR ABBY: Before my husband died, we used to enjoy visiting with "Frank" and his wife, "Julie." They were happy get-togethers between couples.

After my husband's death, Frank said he wanted to stay in touch. As time went on, we'd meet for holidays and home visits, which were as pleasant as before. But as time passed, Julie became bored and the visits became awkward.

Frank and I had a lot in common. I enjoyed his company more and more. Anyone who has lost the love of his/her life knows it's a gift to take a break from the heartache once in a while. Frank and I have done nothing wrong. If he were a woman there would be no question of impropriety.

I haven't heard from Frank in a while, and I suspect it's because Julie has requested he not spend so much time with me. I don't blame her. I'd feel the same if it were my husband. But would it be OK for me to call him? Until recently we talked regularly. I know he'd be happy to hear my voice. Our visits were full of life and innocent conversation, and I miss them. Should I leave well enough alone, or enjoy the only peace I have had after such a great loss? -- ANONYMOUS IN COLORADO

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. My advice is to leave well enough alone and look for "peace" with someone who is available and will be able to provide more than good conversation.

While your intentions may be innocent, your growing friendship with Frank may have begun to make his wife uncomfortable. It appears she picked up on the fact that you have grown emotionally dependent on her husband and viewed it as a threat. Alternatively, when you were all together she may have felt like a third wheel, and that's why she became bored. So please take what I have said to heart and back off.

DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I would like your opinion on the following question: Is it appropriate to ask about the salary during a job interview? Half of us say, "Yes. When better to ask what the pay will be?" Others say, "No, it's in poor taste." What do you think? -- ALL BETS ARE IN

DEAR ALL: Of course the subject of salary should be discussed during a job interview. Usually, when an interview is nearing its end, the interviewer will ask, "Do you have any questions?" If the topics of salary and benefits haven't come up before then, it's perfectly acceptable to inquire about them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of more than 20 years decided that the grass was greener on the other side, and now I find myself on the dating scene again. I had breast reduction surgery, thinking I would be with my husband for the rest of my life. Now I don't know how to bring up the subject if I find a man with whom I want to be intimate.

I know a man should love me for who I am on the inside, but I can't help but feel that the scars I carry on the outside will make him turn and walk away. Not a day goes by that I don't regret having had the surgery, but there is nothing I can do about that now.

When do I tell the guy about my scars? I don't want this to get in the way of sharing my life with someone. -- SCARRED IN ARIZONA

DEAR SCARRED: Many women have had breast reductions -- some for aesthetic reasons, but others because nature blessed them with such an overabundance of tissue that it was creating painful back and shoulder problems. The surgery is neither shocking nor particularly unusual.

The time to discuss it is when you have gotten to know someone well enough that you can talk frankly with him and explain that you feel self-conscious. No gentleman who cares about you will ever walk away. And any man who does, you are well rid of before investing your heart -- or anything else -- in him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I have been married 20 years. He's a veteran who is completely disabled. We live in a very secluded area. The nearest town is 60 miles away, and I can't be gone long because of Rick's needs.

Abby, I'm lonely. My family lives in another state. Rick said years ago that we would move to where my family members are. But now he refuses because he doesn't want to leave his comfort zone.

Some days I am more down than others. Our home is on the market, but we won't be going far -- just a bit closer to the town where Rick's family is. When I bring up the subject of missing my relatives, Rick gets angry so I don't say anything anymore. I long for my family -- and for many other things as well. Could you share your feelings on this, please? -- NOWHERE IN MONTANA

DEAR NOWHERE: Gladly. Because your husband refuses to move to where your family members are, keep your fingers crossed that it won't be too long before you find a buyer for your current home. Do move closer to his family. At least then you won't be so isolated. And once you're closer to his family, THEY can look out for him while you schedule some visits to your family. If you go a couple of times a year, it could make a big difference in your outlook.

DEAR ABBY: "Just Clumsy in Amarillo" (March 24) could be my twin. I am also a klutz who bruises easily. Years ago, when I was a brand-new EMT, my arms were so bruised and purple from lifting stretchers that co-workers started asking if my husband was beating me. Luckily, my husband, a submariner, was on patrol at that time so it let him off the hook.

My husband used to tell me the only reason he didn't worry too much about me at work was because I wore steel-toed boots, and he suggested I buy steel-toed flip-flops and slippers. I can walk through the house and trip over nothing at all. I once broke all the toes on one foot sliding off an exam table in a doctor's office.

Tell "Clumsy" to hang in there. She's not alone. Lord knows there are a lot of us klutzes out there and she's in good company. As long as she can keep a sense of humor about her condition, she'll be fine. -- ANOTHER KLUTZ IN UTAH

DEAR ANOTHER KLUTZ: I received many responses regarding being accident-prone. While many readers shared their "graceless" moments, others pointed out that it could be caused by a medical problem. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have an inherited neuromuscular disorder called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease, also known as CMT. It is also called motor sensory neuropathy or peroneal muscular atrophy.

CMT affects the peripheral nerves. A common symptom is short wide feet with very high arches, weak ankles, and tripping over our own feet. Falling UP the stairs is what we do best. At family reunions, we sit around comparing our funny feet and the bruises from our frequent falls.

"Clumsy" should see a neurologist for nerve conduction testing. The extent of her frequent "accidents" and bruising is not normal, and she needs to know what the problem is. -- ESTHER, AN R.N. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: You were right to tell "Clumsy" that she shouldn't avoid her friends as that would only increase their suspicions. However, she also needs to include her fiance more in their social activities. If her friends get to know him and discover that he is a kind and compassionate person who respects boundaries and knows how to control his temper, their suspicions of abuse will be allayed. -- CARLA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: As a child, my mother always chided me to "watch out, pay attention and look where you are going." I had bruises all over from bumping into things. At 45, I learned from an ophthalmologist that I had NO depth perception. Now I understand why I must look down when stepping off curbs or drive five car lengths behind other cars, etc. "Clumsy" needs to get a thorough eye exam and have her depth perception measured. -- MADE SENSE OF IT

DEAR ABBY: I am 31 and have been clumsy all my life. I have fallen on ice a few times this winter, even though I tried to be very cautious. Thankfully, I have sustained only some bruises and a few pulled muscles -- no broken bones.

I, too, have seen the looks, rolled eyes and heard the sighs of concerned friends. It's hard not to become defensive when your friends might have a negative perception of your husband. I just smile and make playful reference to the fact that this has been going on far longer than I've known my husband.

To "Clumsy": Drink plenty of milk to keep your bones strong, and maintain a lighthearted attitude when the subject comes up. -- NOT-SO-GRACIE IN NEW YORK