DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Ruminating in Rio Rancho" (Feb. 19), whose wife has an issue with his eating style, I too am a "serial eater," and I have taken a fair amount of kidding and abuse over it. However, the tactic of claiming it is poor etiquette to shame the eater is a new one to me.

In my experience, people react to serial eating because it is unusual. I can't explain why I do it, just as I can't understand why other people feel they must rotate their bites. I just know it works for me, and their method seems as odd to me as mine does to them.

I recall this subject was mentioned years ago in your mother's column. The writer said as a boy he was teased for eating this way, but an uncle of his had a different take. The uncle said that he had the capacity to become a great success because he did one thing at a time, and finished what he started before moving on.

So, to "Ruminating," what I advise is: Use your silverware, chew with your mouth closed, and compliment the chef. Tell her/him that each dish is so good that you don't want to dilute the taste, which would hamper your enjoyment. -- FINISHING WHAT I START IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR FINISHING: My readers agree unanimously that a person's eating habits are a matter of personal choice and "Ruminating's" wife should resist the urge to be such a control freak. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Eating one portion at a time is not uncommon. During a home-cooked meal in Thailand, I made the mistake of taking a little from each platter and eating a bit of each one in rotation. My host informed me that in his country one takes a serving from one platter, eats it, and then takes another serving from another, etc.

There is no universal standard for proper etiquette. Customs vary from family to family and country to country. To establish their family "standards," the couple should discuss and do what they decide. At any meal, I follow my host's lead and then I am always correct. -- POLITE IN ANY COMPANY, DWAYNE OZEWALLA, PH.D.

DEAR ABBY: It is actually proper to rotate selections of food on your dinner plate. A good chef plans meals so that the taste of each selection complements the other, and the polite diner acknowledges each one. It's the second-best "gratuity" a chef can receive. Those who formed the habit of eating one item at a time were introduced to this style of eating by their mothers -- who opened one jar of baby food, fed their infant from that, then closed the jar and fed them from the next jar. -- KEITH FROM HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: "Ruminating" eats the way some dietitians recommend: protein first, vegetables second, starch last. That's the healthiest way to eat, especially if you are trying to watch what you eat. -- DANA FROM KATY, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Do as I do, and take your eating to the next level. Instead of just consuming every item completely before moving to the next, try eating alphabetically ... mashed potatoes, meatloaf, then your peas. -- ORGANIZED IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: My husband eats his least-favorite thing first and ends with his favorite. This was incorporated as a young boy to make sure he cleaned his plate. I suggested as an option that he eat his favorite first and then, when he gets full, he will stop eating, instead of always cleaning his plate. He has lost a few pounds in the process. -- WIFE OF HUSBAND FROM THE CLEAN PLATE CLUB

DEAR ABBY: Does "Ruminating" know he shares the same style of eating as Albert Einstein? This natural habit is a sign of genius. -- SHIRLEY IN BROOKFIELD, WIS.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Nine years ago, my sister and I gave birth on the same day. Her daughter lived; my son died the next day.

At my niece's birthday parties my family insists on bringing gifts for my deceased son. My niece opens his gifts and my mother and sister then take them to the cemetery. They also order a special birthday cake for him along with the one for my niece.

I have tried telling them several times that this is confusing to my 6-year-old son, and it depresses my husband and me. My husband refuses to attend any more of my niece's birthday parties until the gifts/cake for our deceased son stop, and I'm about ready to join him.

Are we being "too uptight," as my family says, and is this behavior on the part of my family normal? Are we right to ask them to stop? And how do we convey this to them without hurting their feelings again? -- MOURNING MOTHER IN BIG SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR MOURNING MOTHER: The practice of taking gifts to the deceased does occur in other cultures, and is considered normal in those cultures. However, for your mother and sister to insist upon doing so when you and your husband have told them that it causes you pain is wrong. Tell them before the next party that you do not want it to happen, and exactly why. If they disregard your wishes, follow your husband's lead and skip the parties, too.

DEAR ABBY: I can't seem to grow up. I think I may have something similar to a Peter Pan complex. I often fantasize about my childhood. I miss it more than I should. I am a 25-year-old female.

I also do things that people usually do at younger ages. I put stickers all over everything. I like coloring books, and feel comfortable in kids' clothing. I watch youth-oriented TV shows people my age are not interested in.

I'm in college, and try hard to put these things behind me, but it's a constant battle. They stay in the forefront of my mind. With each passing year it gets harder to hide.

My parents think I act this way for attention, but it's embarrassing and I often don't realize that I'm doing something childish. In contrast, my big brother (age 29) is out of college, married and leading a positive, normal life. Do I need help? -- CHILDISH ADULT

DEAR CHILDISH ADULT: When someone is a child, she isn't ready to assume the responsibilities of adulthood. But when an adult clings to the trappings of childhood as you have, it may be because the responsibilities -- and privileges -- of adulthood are in some way threatening. Do you need help? Possibly, because what's going on is troubling you. And the place to find it is in the counseling department of your student health center.

DEAR ABBY: While in a department store recently, I lost my credit cards, driver's license, important papers and a sizable sum of money. Two employees called me later to say they had found my belongings.

When I returned to the store to pick up my things, I presented the young women with a basket of fruits and chocolate along with my thanks. Some friends told me I was wrong not to reward them with money. Did I do the right thing? -- IN LUCK IN NEW YORK

DEAR IN LUCK: It was thoughtful of you to bring the fruits and chocolate, but if the "sizable sum of money" was still in your wallet, it would have been "sweeter" had you given them some money in addition.

DEAR ABBY: My biological father left soon after I was born. Mom spent her life in orphanages and foster homes, so she knows nothing about her ancestry, genetics or family information.

I was always curious about where I came from, so finally, at the age of 26, I decided to do something about it. Mom had always told me about "Donny," who she said was my father. I was able to track him down and made contact. At first he denied knowing Mom, then he changed his story. Because he was married and had a family, the matter was dropped.

Four years passed and I contacted Donny again. This time, I offered to meet him on his terms to take a paternity test. He called my mother a liar and said she had been promiscuous. It made me angry because Mom was open with me about him and we have always had a close relationship. The paternity test came back and -- guess what? Donny is not my father! I feel like a fool for pursuing him for nothing.

Mom acted surprised and now refuses to talk about it. I want to know my background, and it's eating away at me that I was told Donny was a deadbeat father and I was lied to for so long. Am I doomed to never know my ancestry? -- MAN WITH NO PAST

DEAR MAN WITH NO PAST: That's a possibility, and for that you have my sympathy. When someone clams up the way your mother has, it may be because the person is too ashamed to admit the truth -- which may be that she does not know who fathered you. There may be reasons why your mother behaved the way she did, having grown up not knowing who her parents were and in a series of foster homes. She may have simply been looking for someone to love her. One thing is certain, however. She raised you to be the man you are today and did the best she could, so please try to forgive her for the deception.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-30s, blond, blue-eyed, tall and slender. I am health-conscious and physically active. I have had a seven-year marriage and a relationship that lasted for four -- but for the last five years I have been unattached. It took me a while to get used to being alone, but I have realized something that everyone needs to know: Being single can be very satisfying

I clean my house; it stays clean. I have no extra dishes or laundry to do. There's no toothpaste left in the sink. The toilet seat stays down. I can relax in front of the fireplace because no one is trying to get my attention.

My checkbook is always balanced, with no surprises. I can go to bed at night and sleep without having to spend half the night explaining why I'm not "in the mood." I wake up refreshed in the morning without having to share someone else's challenges.

I'm free to come and go as I please without the burden of anyone else's expectations. And, if I'm feeling social, I can get together with a male or female friend and go out and have a good time.

Please reassure your single readers that it's OK to be single, and not to allow their well-meaning friends, family or society to try to convince them they "need" to be in a relationship. If they're happily single, as am I, they can remain that way and life will be just fine if they let it be. For me, it's the only way to be. -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN SEATTLE

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: I have often said it is better to be alone than to wish you were. I have also said that there are worse things than being alone, and evidently you have experienced them.

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