DEAR ABBY: I have been overly neat since I was in middle school. I am now in college and feel I have reached the breaking point because I'm such a neat freak. I love having everything neat and tidy, but I now spend less time being a 22-year-old and more time cleaning, scrubbing and organizing.

I can't sleep if I know there is clutter somewhere in the apartment. I have passed up going out with friends if my apartment isn't perfect. Everything has a place and a label. It's getting tiring because I realize I haven't had any good wholesome fun in a long time. I wish I could relax and be OK with clutter like everyone else, instead of wasting my life cleaning. Any advice? -- OVERLY ORGANIZED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERLY ORGANIZED: Yes, I do. March yourself to the student health center and discuss this with a counselor there. When the compulsion to have your apartment "perfect" trumps your ability to enjoy your life, it's time to accept that you have gone from neat to obsessive. There is treatment for the problem, and once it begins you will be able to relax and let go of your anxiety. So please don't wait to get the help you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old female who has been dating my boyfriend, "Will," for three years. Our long-distance relationship was going along just fine until the topic of his 21st birthday came up recently. Will mentioned in passing that he's planning on going to a strip club with friends to celebrate this momentous birthday.

Will says he just likes to look at women, that all men do and it's completely fine. He didn't seem to care how I felt about it. His mind was already made up. He wants me to be more accepting of who he is, but it turns my stomach to think of him hanging out at a strip club.

Abby, is a young man in a committed relationship going to a strip club to drink and view naked women "normal"? Should I not take this so personally? Or am I right to see this as a lack of commitment to me? -- OFFENDED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR OFFENDED: If your boyfriend had attempted to hide his plans from you, or if he was planning on frequenting strip clubs alone and often, I'd say you should feel threatened. But he was open about going out to celebrate his "momentous" birthday with his friends -- and plenty of women have been known to visit clubs with male dancers. So calm down. This has nothing to do with his "commitment" to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 42 years old and being married for the first time in October. My parents divorced more than 20 years ago and both remarried. My father will walk me down the aisle.

Dad lost my stepmother two years ago, and is still having a hard time with it emotionally. Because of my age, I don't expect anything from my parents except their emotional support.

If it's all right with my parents, do you think it would be appropriate to put on the invitations, "In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of (my stepmother's name)"? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR LOVING DAUGHTER: You are a sweetheart to think of it, but doing so would be a huge breach of etiquette. In fact, any mention of gifts on a wedding invitation is a no-no. The way to handle it is, when asked where you are registered for gifts, to verbally inform the questioner what your wishes are.

DEAR ABBY: "Milwaukee Grandma" (Feb. 16) was "appalled to see the number of adults who forced their children to eat" in restaurants. "Grandma" is absolutely right. Children will eat when hungry and stop when they have had enough. The old saying "Clean your plate" is contributing to the obesity epidemic. Children are born with the ability to self-regulate their food intake. Notice how many babies move their heads away from the bottle or breast when they are full.

Eating out is expensive, and restaurants tend to serve portions that are larger than necessary for a child's small stomach. Instead of forcing the child to finish, parents should take half the dinner home for a later time.

The obesity epidemic is based on many factors, including excessive meal portions, decreased physical activity, abundance of junk food, and lack of available and affordable healthy foods in some areas of the country -- to name a few.

Parents can make a difference by involving their children in the shopping for and preparation of meals, eating as a family with the TV shut off and making activity fun and a part of the everyday routine. -- DIETITIAN IN GARDNER, MASS.

DEAR DIETITIAN: Thank you for enlightening me regarding the obesity epidemic. A number of other readers weighed in on the topic with interesting insights. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was raised by parents who forced me to "clean my plate or else." They were the ones who fixed my plate or decided what to order us kids in restaurants. Eating became a negative experience as I was growing up.

It wasn't until I got counseling prior to my gastric bypass surgery that I learned to stop eating when I was full instead of feeling guilty unless I cleaned my plate. In counseling, I was told it was OK to leave food on my plate -- but by then I weighed 400 pounds.

It's better to teach children to eat at mealtime, be responsible when it comes to snacking and "listen to your body" when it says, "I'm full." -- HAPPY WITH MY WEIGHT NOW

DEAR ABBY: As a family and consumer sciences educator, one of the courses I teach in child development is "division of responsibility." This means it's the parents' responsibility to offer nutritious food choices to their children, and the children's responsibility to decide how much to eat.

By forcing children to "clean their plate," we are overriding the natural programming they are born with that tells them when they are full and to stop eating. When we teach children to eat past natural satiation, obesity is the natural consequence. -- LAURA IN MOSCOW, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: We have one child with severe food allergies and two others who have ADD and emotional issues. Their medications decrease their appetites, which makes it difficult for them to gain weight and grow. We may be the parents "Milwaukee Grandma" is referring to as we urge our children to eat more.

There are many children out there with medical challenges that make getting enough nutrients difficult. Other illnesses require some kids to consume a certain number of calories. For some, being in the "Clean Plate Club" is critical to their health and well-being. -- MOM TO 4 SKINNY KIDS

DEAR ABBY: I think my husband may be a cross-dresser. Last night while "Roland" and I were cuddling in bed, I felt his legs and they were smoother than mine. I asked him why he keeps shaving his legs and stomach, and then it dawned on me. Roland has sent me e-mails hinting about dressing up.

One year, he purchased a pair of high heels, saying he wanted to dress up like a woman. I examined them the other day and there is evidence that they have been worn more than once. My lingerie drawer is sometimes a mess, and sometimes my clothes are a bit out of place. I believe my husband dresses up while I'm out of town on business trips.

I'd kind of like to see him dressed up, but I'm afraid he might look sexier than me. Lately Roland has been asking me if he can join me when I go shopping for clothes. He does chores around the house (vacuuming, ironing, dishes), and if he enjoys cross-dressing, I say he can wear any outfit he wants. How can I tell him I know what he's doing? -- WISE TO HIM IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WISE TO HIM: The next time the two of you cuddle up in bed, tell Roland you have been thinking about the e-mail he sent you regarding dressing up, that it's OK with you, and you think you might enjoy seeing him that way. It's a non-threatening way to get the message across.

But please remember that not all men who shave their body hair are cross-dressers. And if your husband has been doing the ironing -- and the washing that would naturally precede it -- your clothes may not have been the way you left them because he put them away. As to him accompanying you shopping, plenty of non-cross-dressers shop with their wives -- and some of them have better taste than the women.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend will not let go of my past. I didn't level with him about a couple of relationships because I knew he was a racist. He found out, and now all I get is teasing and comments almost every day. If he sees a talk show about a liar, he says, "Oh! There you are!" It's the same if the subject is a whore.

What he's doing is hurting me. Is this normal behavior? Am I supposed to ignore him? I have asked him to stop, but he says he won't until I learn to laugh about it. Any suggestions? -- EMBARRASSED IN ANAHEIM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Just this: What's going on is not "normal" and it's no laughing matter. Tell your boyfriend that the next time he calls you a whore or a liar, he is history. And stand by your word, unless you want to spend the rest of your life with a racist who has a sadistic sense of humor and no respect for your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell a friend of many years that the wig she wears is not flattering? We're nearly 80, and the wig is black and falls past her shoulders. Her hair was dark when she was young, but now the color looks harsh.

She started wearing the wig because it was too much trouble to go to the hairdresser every week. Something shorter and lighter in color would look much better.

My friend can be vain about her appearance. How do I enlighten her without hurting her feelings? -- CARING FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Here's what I'd do. With the understanding that it's affordable, I would suggest to my friend that "for kicks" the two of us "girls" go out for a makeup and hair makeover -- and let a professional broach the subject. If she declined the invitation, I'd keep my mouth firmly shut. And that's what I'd recommend to you.