DEAR ABBY: My stepsister stole my boyfriend, and I am so mad I am going crazy. She's very attractive and has no problem finding boyfriends. She did not have to do this. I am sure she did it out of spite.

We're both 16, go to the same school and have several classes together, so I can't avoid her. We also have to share a room every other weekend when she's here.

I have so much hate and anger toward her now, I don't know how to deal with it -- especially since we have to sleep in the same room. Please give me some advice. -- HATES HER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR HATES HER: I don't think there is a single woman reading your letter who hasn't felt the same way you do at one time or another in her life. But please let me share a lesson most of us have learned: Short of slipping a man a knock-out drug, he can't be "kidnapped." He is responsible for making his own decisions. Yes, your stepsister might not have discouraged him. She may have even thrown herself at him. But what happened was of his own free will.

DEAR ABBY: I've always been big on birthdays. I love the cake, the candles, the singing and a nice dinner. My husband wasn't a huge fan, but did what he could to please me.

Last year, his father died on my birthday, so naturally, my birthday was the last thing on his mind. Now the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law's death is coming up, and we will be getting together with the family for a memorial service.

I wonder if my birthday will always be clouded by sadness. Is it possible to ever celebrate the day of my birth in a happy manner and without feeling guilty about it? -- BIRTHDAY-CONFLICTED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR CONFLICTED: Yes, but start next year. Or, if you prefer, by agreeing to a weekend getaway on a date other than your birthday this year.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married last weekend and received several unmarked gifts. When sending out thank-you notes, how do you know what to say and to whom? There were several guests that would never have come empty-handed, yet there is no way to match the mystery gifts to the right guests. Not sending a thank-you note to someone I'm sure brought a gift seems awkward and embarrassing. -- AT A LOSS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AT A LOSS: For the people whose cards were not included -- or were lost -- your daughter and/or son-in-law should send generic thank-you letters rather than ones that are specific. They should say something like this: "Dear (----), 'John' (or 'Carol') and I want to thank you for sharing our special day with us. Your presence at such a sacred and meaningful time meant more to us than words can convey. Fondly, (----)."

DEAR ABBY: I am about to sell a business my husband and I opened with an initial investment of $25,000. We are selling it for $6 million. Most of my close friends are broke and in the past have "borrowed" money without repaying it.

I don't feel I can tell any of them my good news without them asking for more money. How can I handle this and still keep my friends? -- KEEPING MUM IN FLORIDA

DEAR KEEPING MUM: How much you sell the business for is between you, your CPA and the IRS. Period! The way to "handle" it is to keep your personal information private and your mouth shut.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years to a man who curses something awful. We have three children, and he curses at them, too, when he's angry. I'm afraid his verbal abuse is destroying our children's self-esteem, and I have asked him repeatedly to stop it. I even threatened to leave if he doesn't clean up his act.

When he swears, it sends shivers up my spine and I get angry. We used to have heated arguments, but I have learned to watch my mouth. I thought he would get the idea if I set an example, but he didn't even notice.

He was in the Navy, and for a long time he blamed his cursing on his time in the military. Well, he has been out for 12 years now and that excuse is a little tired. I have made plans to leave him and will stick with my decision unless he's willing to make a serious effort to control his mouth. In the meantime, what do you suggest I do? I've tried everything -- even prayer. -- READY TO WALK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR READY TO WALK: In the "meantime," try earplugs for the children and a swear box for your salty-mouthed spouse. (If you don't know what a swear box is, it's a container into which an agreed-upon amount of money is placed every time a curse word is uttered.) Use the proceeds to tide you over after you've left him if the swear box doesn't cure him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a delicate problem. My boss's wife wears a very strong perfume. Every time she walks into the office, I get a headache and feel nauseated for hours. I am allergic to perfume, and women do not seem to understand that while they "think" they smell good, they are really making me sick.

When the boss's wife comes in, I try to stay in my office, but the smell is so overpowering I can't escape. How should I handle this? -- HOLDING MY BREATH IN TALLADEGA, ALA.

DEAR HOLDING: For the sake of your health, you must speak to your employer and explain your sensitivity to perfumes and the effect they have on you. You are far from alone in this problem -- many others also have allergic reactions when exposed to perfumes, after-shave or scented products of any kind.

Ask your boss to please ask his wife to forgo the perfume when she visits the office because it gives you a headache and an upset stomach. How else will he -- or she -- know there's a problem?

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Carolyn" for about a year. We are both in our 50s and have talked about marriage in the future.

Before we met, Carolyn had profiles on two dating sites -- not as a paid member, but just as someone who could look around without being able to send or receive messages.

I have asked her to delete these profiles now that we have reached the one-year mark. She says I shouldn't be concerned, that she's just interested in reading about other people. She insists she wants to be only with me and isn't looking to go out with anyone else.

Abby, this doesn't sit well with me. What do you think? -- EXCLUSIVELY HERS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXCLUSIVELY HERS: I think you don't trust Carolyn. Unless you're convinced that she's "exclusively" yours -- and you're not -- you should rethink your future with her. If you're discussing marriage, she shouldn't be disregarding your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws (whom I love dearly) moved to another state after retirement, and when they come to visit they always stay with us. They own a house next door that is occupied by their daughter, and they also have another child living nearby.

How can I politely suggest that they stay in their own house with their daughter or with the other child? Both have the space to accommodate them. I work very early morning hours and don't want to disturb them, but they pretty much take over our house when they are here. I don't know if the other children offer them a place to stay or not, but I'm tired of having them here every time they visit. -- STUCK IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR STUCK: Discuss this with your husband and his siblings. It's possible that the other children haven't extended an invitation to the parents to stay with them.

And if you view it from another perspective, it's unfair to the others that the parents slight them by staying with you when they're in town.

DEAR ABBY: I am not gay or bisexual, but I'm in love with my boss, who is a female like me. She's 27 and I am 17. She is married and doesn't know how I feel about her.

I looked up her address on the Internet and got directions to her house. I drive by every day -- don't ask me why. I told her I have a friend who lives on the same street that she does, and that I saw her car in the driveway.

About a month ago, she caught me driving by as she was pulling out of her driveway. Two days ago, she called my mother -- they have been friends for years -- and asked, "What's wrong with 'Janie'? She pulled my address up from a computer. I saw her driving past my house."

That's all my mom told me, but how in the heck did she find out? I still have the printout in my bedroom, and it's still in the same position it was, so I don't think my mom saw it and told her about it. Only three of my closest friends know, and I don't think they repeated anything because they have no reason to -- and they don't know my boss. What's going on here? Am I going crazy? -- FOUND OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR FOUND OUT: What's "going on" is you have become obsessed with your boss, and your trips past her house could be construed as stalking. You are not "going crazy," but you definitely need counseling. Please tell your mother I said so.

DEAR ABBY: "College Co-Ed in Williamsburg, Va." (Feb. 10) was concerned about her mother opening and reading her bills and statements. There's another option you didn't address.

If it is too much bother to rent a post office box near her college and have the mail forwarded to her parents' home during semester breaks, a simpler and easier option is "paperless" bank statements. Most banks and companies let you choose to receive your statements electronically.

"Co-Ed" can go online to the various entities from whom she receives regular bills and select the "paperless billing" or "paperless statement" option under her account settings. When new bills/statements are available, she'll get an e-mail from each company informing her she can log in to her account to review her statements and bills.

This way, her mother can't see her bills and bank statements, and she'll have the satisfaction of knowing she is doing her bit for the environment. -- SAVVY ONLINE CONSUMER IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SAVVY: You know what? You're absolutely right. And so are the hundreds of other readers who wrote to say the same thing. Thank you.

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