DEAR ABBY: My in-laws (whom I love dearly) moved to another state after retirement, and when they come to visit they always stay with us. They own a house next door that is occupied by their daughter, and they also have another child living nearby.

How can I politely suggest that they stay in their own house with their daughter or with the other child? Both have the space to accommodate them. I work very early morning hours and don't want to disturb them, but they pretty much take over our house when they are here. I don't know if the other children offer them a place to stay or not, but I'm tired of having them here every time they visit. -- STUCK IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR STUCK: Discuss this with your husband and his siblings. It's possible that the other children haven't extended an invitation to the parents to stay with them.

And if you view it from another perspective, it's unfair to the others that the parents slight them by staying with you when they're in town.

DEAR ABBY: I am not gay or bisexual, but I'm in love with my boss, who is a female like me. She's 27 and I am 17. She is married and doesn't know how I feel about her.

I looked up her address on the Internet and got directions to her house. I drive by every day -- don't ask me why. I told her I have a friend who lives on the same street that she does, and that I saw her car in the driveway.

About a month ago, she caught me driving by as she was pulling out of her driveway. Two days ago, she called my mother -- they have been friends for years -- and asked, "What's wrong with 'Janie'? She pulled my address up from a computer. I saw her driving past my house."

That's all my mom told me, but how in the heck did she find out? I still have the printout in my bedroom, and it's still in the same position it was, so I don't think my mom saw it and told her about it. Only three of my closest friends know, and I don't think they repeated anything because they have no reason to -- and they don't know my boss. What's going on here? Am I going crazy? -- FOUND OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR FOUND OUT: What's "going on" is you have become obsessed with your boss, and your trips past her house could be construed as stalking. You are not "going crazy," but you definitely need counseling. Please tell your mother I said so.

DEAR ABBY: "College Co-Ed in Williamsburg, Va." (Feb. 10) was concerned about her mother opening and reading her bills and statements. There's another option you didn't address.

If it is too much bother to rent a post office box near her college and have the mail forwarded to her parents' home during semester breaks, a simpler and easier option is "paperless" bank statements. Most banks and companies let you choose to receive your statements electronically.

"Co-Ed" can go online to the various entities from whom she receives regular bills and select the "paperless billing" or "paperless statement" option under her account settings. When new bills/statements are available, she'll get an e-mail from each company informing her she can log in to her account to review her statements and bills.

This way, her mother can't see her bills and bank statements, and she'll have the satisfaction of knowing she is doing her bit for the environment. -- SAVVY ONLINE CONSUMER IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SAVVY: You know what? You're absolutely right. And so are the hundreds of other readers who wrote to say the same thing. Thank you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a number of years, and were close friends before dating. We have lived together for 10 months now and pretty much act like a married couple. I feel I am ready to become engaged.

He, on the other hand, feels we should wait until his 16-year-old daughter, "Lacy," moves out -- either back with her mother or on her own. He doesn't feel it's "right" for us to marry before then.

We are both adults, and while I don't want to disregard Lacy's feelings, I think this is something WE should decide. We have told her many times that our relationship doesn't mean Daddy loves her any less.

Something in me is beginning to think he's just making excuses and he won't "buy the cow" as long as he's getting the milk for free. I feel like I am ... FLOATING IN LIMBO IN DELAWARE

DEAR IN LIMBO: You and your boyfriend need to have a frank talk because it appears you thought moving in with him would bring you a firm commitment, and he appears to be happy with the status quo. If you haven't already done so, tell him exactly what you have told me, because what you have written makes perfect sense. And if he's unwilling to budge, then it's time for you to "moo-ve" out.

DEAR ABBY: For Valentine's Day I bought a dozen red roses and had them delivered to my girlfriend's workplace. On her way home that evening, she made a stop at the grocery store and encountered a distraught young man near tears because he couldn't afford to buy flowers for his girlfriend. She offered him money but he refused, so she gave him the roses I bought for her. (Abby, they had cost me more than $82!)

The whole episode still has me upset. I know the roses were a gift and she had every right to do with them as she wished. But I think what she did was thoughtless and insensitive and didn't take my feelings into consideration. She says I am narrow-minded because I don't see it from her perspective. What do you think? -- GRINCHED IN IOWA

DEAR GRINCHED: I can see how, having spent as much as you did for the roses, you could be upset. I can also see how your kindhearted girlfriend might have had pity on the guy and acted on impulse. While the roses were hers, she could have accomplished the same thing by giving him one or two of the roses to give to his girlfriend. However, if you care about this relationship, you'll stop brooding and drop the matter.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Afraid to Be Alone" (Feb. 15), who is moving to a new state and has no family except for her husband. As a teacher of health policy and administration, I agree that she shouldn't be overanxious about her future to the point of distraction.

There are concrete steps she and her husband can take to protect themselves and have some security as they age. These include purchasing long-term care insurance, creating a living will and medical power of attorney, and communicating their wishes about heroic measures should either of them ever face that decision.

They should also look into moving to a continuing care retirement community (CCRC), most of which have differing levels of care -- from assisted living to nursing home care -- with guaranteed access to its members. These are just a few of the steps "Afraid" could take now to give herself some peace of mind. -- CHRIS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CHRIS: Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Like you, many readers were quick to offer reassurance to "Afraid." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I allayed our own fears by choosing to live in a community with close neighbors and many activities. Avoiding isolation is what is important. Knowing what caregiving and other support services are available also helps, whether or not they are needed right now. "Afraid's" thoughts of death, if frequent, could be a symptom of depression and should be evaluated by a doctor if they persist. -- HAPPY TO BE ALONE

DEAR ABBY: "Afraid" should take stock of her life now, and consider her interests and hobbies. Gardening, art, reading, clubs, sewing, shopping, theater, antiquing or volunteering are all possibilities for her future if the need or interest arises. Since she is worried now, she should make sure that wherever she moves accommodates these needs later in life. It's never too early to become prepared.

Last, but not least, the right pet can go a long way toward providing company and comfort. As soon as I walk in the door, I yell to my cat, "I'm home!" -- DEFINITELY NOT LONELY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: Where are "Afraid's" current friends? Moving means nothing to true friends. My mother kept in touch with her childhood friends until her death in her 70s -- and they were spread all over the country.

Like "Afraid" I am an only child, plus I have never been married. I have a few faithful friends from high school and college who are there for me regardless of their location. I, too, would drop anything to be there for them. They mean everything to me, and I know our relationships will continue through our old age. -- GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Afraid" to join church and social groups. I would like to add that if she enjoys children and young adults, she should get to know her neighbors, and volunteer at the library, hospital, school or scout troop in her new area.

Children thrive on the love and stories of "grandparents" -- and they benefit from the wisdom and experience. These friendships often extend into the home, offering the joy and belonging of family. You are never alone with "family" around you. -- NANA TO ALL, IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I suggest she look for the "learning in retirement" programs available. We joined one at a university four years ago when we moved to Greenville, S.C., and have met some wonderful people. -- CAROL K.

DEAR ABBY: We, too, spent the first 30 years of our marriage feeling like the only childless couple in the world. Then we moved to an age-restricted community. We have never been happier. Many of our new friends also have no children, and we no longer worry about aging alone. -- KAREN IN HENDERSON, NEV.