DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a number of years, and were close friends before dating. We have lived together for 10 months now and pretty much act like a married couple. I feel I am ready to become engaged.

He, on the other hand, feels we should wait until his 16-year-old daughter, "Lacy," moves out -- either back with her mother or on her own. He doesn't feel it's "right" for us to marry before then.

We are both adults, and while I don't want to disregard Lacy's feelings, I think this is something WE should decide. We have told her many times that our relationship doesn't mean Daddy loves her any less.

Something in me is beginning to think he's just making excuses and he won't "buy the cow" as long as he's getting the milk for free. I feel like I am ... FLOATING IN LIMBO IN DELAWARE

DEAR IN LIMBO: You and your boyfriend need to have a frank talk because it appears you thought moving in with him would bring you a firm commitment, and he appears to be happy with the status quo. If you haven't already done so, tell him exactly what you have told me, because what you have written makes perfect sense. And if he's unwilling to budge, then it's time for you to "moo-ve" out.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a funeral of someone close. It was a sad time for me, but it sparked an idea that may bring comfort to my family and friends when it's my time to go.

Abby, would it be out of line to make a goodbye video of myself? It would include fond memories that would put a smile on someone's face and allow my family and friends to remember me as I was alive, not as I lay in a coffin. Instead of a plastic bookmark, I could leave a DVD of my final goodbyes.

I have a health problem and don't know how long I have, so I'd like to know what you and your readers think about my idea. I trust your advice, Abby, so please let me know. -- FINAL FAREWELL, UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR FAREWELL: As long as your video is done tastefully, I see no reason why you shouldn't do it. We live in an age when video and YouTube are a part of our everyday lives. I'm sure your memento will be treasured by the loved ones you leave behind.

DEAR ABBY: For Valentine's Day I bought a dozen red roses and had them delivered to my girlfriend's workplace. On her way home that evening, she made a stop at the grocery store and encountered a distraught young man near tears because he couldn't afford to buy flowers for his girlfriend. She offered him money but he refused, so she gave him the roses I bought for her. (Abby, they had cost me more than $82!)

The whole episode still has me upset. I know the roses were a gift and she had every right to do with them as she wished. But I think what she did was thoughtless and insensitive and didn't take my feelings into consideration. She says I am narrow-minded because I don't see it from her perspective. What do you think? -- GRINCHED IN IOWA

DEAR GRINCHED: I can see how, having spent as much as you did for the roses, you could be upset. I can also see how your kindhearted girlfriend might have had pity on the guy and acted on impulse. While the roses were hers, she could have accomplished the same thing by giving him one or two of the roses to give to his girlfriend. However, if you care about this relationship, you'll stop brooding and drop the matter.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Afraid to Be Alone" (Feb. 15), who is moving to a new state and has no family except for her husband. As a teacher of health policy and administration, I agree that she shouldn't be overanxious about her future to the point of distraction.

There are concrete steps she and her husband can take to protect themselves and have some security as they age. These include purchasing long-term care insurance, creating a living will and medical power of attorney, and communicating their wishes about heroic measures should either of them ever face that decision.

They should also look into moving to a continuing care retirement community (CCRC), most of which have differing levels of care -- from assisted living to nursing home care -- with guaranteed access to its members. These are just a few of the steps "Afraid" could take now to give herself some peace of mind. -- CHRIS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CHRIS: Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Like you, many readers were quick to offer reassurance to "Afraid." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I allayed our own fears by choosing to live in a community with close neighbors and many activities. Avoiding isolation is what is important. Knowing what caregiving and other support services are available also helps, whether or not they are needed right now. "Afraid's" thoughts of death, if frequent, could be a symptom of depression and should be evaluated by a doctor if they persist. -- HAPPY TO BE ALONE

DEAR ABBY: "Afraid" should take stock of her life now, and consider her interests and hobbies. Gardening, art, reading, clubs, sewing, shopping, theater, antiquing or volunteering are all possibilities for her future if the need or interest arises. Since she is worried now, she should make sure that wherever she moves accommodates these needs later in life. It's never too early to become prepared.

Last, but not least, the right pet can go a long way toward providing company and comfort. As soon as I walk in the door, I yell to my cat, "I'm home!" -- DEFINITELY NOT LONELY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: Where are "Afraid's" current friends? Moving means nothing to true friends. My mother kept in touch with her childhood friends until her death in her 70s -- and they were spread all over the country.

Like "Afraid" I am an only child, plus I have never been married. I have a few faithful friends from high school and college who are there for me regardless of their location. I, too, would drop anything to be there for them. They mean everything to me, and I know our relationships will continue through our old age. -- GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Afraid" to join church and social groups. I would like to add that if she enjoys children and young adults, she should get to know her neighbors, and volunteer at the library, hospital, school or scout troop in her new area.

Children thrive on the love and stories of "grandparents" -- and they benefit from the wisdom and experience. These friendships often extend into the home, offering the joy and belonging of family. You are never alone with "family" around you. -- NANA TO ALL, IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I suggest she look for the "learning in retirement" programs available. We joined one at a university four years ago when we moved to Greenville, S.C., and have met some wonderful people. -- CAROL K.

DEAR ABBY: We, too, spent the first 30 years of our marriage feeling like the only childless couple in the world. Then we moved to an age-restricted community. We have never been happier. Many of our new friends also have no children, and we no longer worry about aging alone. -- KAREN IN HENDERSON, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: It has been eight years since my boyfriend, "Grant," filed taxes. His refusal to file a tax return has caused many arguments between us.

Grant's parents got wind of it one year and gave him money to pay them off, but he spent the money to pay other bills. Grant is an only child. His parents often bail him out financially. This has begun to gnaw at me because I'm at the point where I'm thinking about marriage and children. I know we can't be married until he takes care of his tax problem.

How serious is it not paying your taxes? Is this something I should just ignore? I couldn't pay the bills if he was put in jail. Will this 30-something only child ever grow up? -- APRIL 15-PHOBIC

DEAR PHOBIC: According to the National Association of Enrolled Agents (NAEA), a professional society of federally licensed tax practitioners, failing to file your taxes is worse than failing to pay. By not filing, your boyfriend runs the risk of paying not only the taxes he owes, but penalties and interest as well.

You need to tell Grant he can get help from an enrolled agent to guide him through the process of filing back returns and, if necessary, setting up a payment schedule with the IRS. He can locate one in his area by accessing the NAEA Web site, www.naea.org. If he doesn't have access to a computer, his local library can help him.

More than 10,000 enrolled agents are listed. Because they are the only tax specialists licensed to practice before the IRS, Grant can be assured the matter will be handled confidentially in the most competent way.

You should not ignore Grant's behavior. Protect yourself tax-wise by filing your return separately from his until the matter is settled. Should you decide to marry him, file as "married, filing separately" so your incomes (at least in the eyes of the IRS) won't be viewed as one entity. Use the same enrolled agent or find one for yourself.

Do check out this reputable organization. Don't wait for your boyfriend to grow up to do it because at the rate he's maturing, that may never happen.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Matt" is a junior in high school. He says he's not attending the junior/senior prom this year because he doesn't have anyone special to go with.

I tried to explain that his date doesn't have to be a "girlfriend," that she can just be a friend. I told him he could also go with a bunch of guys who don't have dates.

I know later on in life Matt will regret not having gone to the prom, and I'm sad about his decision. Should I make him go even though he doesn't want to, hoping he has a good time when he gets there? Or should I drop the issue and respect his wishes even if he's making a mistake? Matt is 17 and not particularly social, and I think that's why he doesn't want to go. -- ENCOURAGING MOM

DEAR MOM: There is a fine line that separates an encouraging mom from a mom who is overbearing. Your son is only a junior, and will have a chance next year to change his mind and attend the prom as a senior. Frankly, I have never had a man write me or tell me that looking back on his high school years he regretted missing a dance. A game, perhaps -- but never a dance.