DEAR ABBY: It has been eight years since my boyfriend, "Grant," filed taxes. His refusal to file a tax return has caused many arguments between us.

Grant's parents got wind of it one year and gave him money to pay them off, but he spent the money to pay other bills. Grant is an only child. His parents often bail him out financially. This has begun to gnaw at me because I'm at the point where I'm thinking about marriage and children. I know we can't be married until he takes care of his tax problem.

How serious is it not paying your taxes? Is this something I should just ignore? I couldn't pay the bills if he was put in jail. Will this 30-something only child ever grow up? -- APRIL 15-PHOBIC

DEAR PHOBIC: According to the National Association of Enrolled Agents (NAEA), a professional society of federally licensed tax practitioners, failing to file your taxes is worse than failing to pay. By not filing, your boyfriend runs the risk of paying not only the taxes he owes, but penalties and interest as well.

You need to tell Grant he can get help from an enrolled agent to guide him through the process of filing back returns and, if necessary, setting up a payment schedule with the IRS. He can locate one in his area by accessing the NAEA Web site, www.naea.org. If he doesn't have access to a computer, his local library can help him.

More than 10,000 enrolled agents are listed. Because they are the only tax specialists licensed to practice before the IRS, Grant can be assured the matter will be handled confidentially in the most competent way.

You should not ignore Grant's behavior. Protect yourself tax-wise by filing your return separately from his until the matter is settled. Should you decide to marry him, file as "married, filing separately" so your incomes (at least in the eyes of the IRS) won't be viewed as one entity. Use the same enrolled agent or find one for yourself.

Do check out this reputable organization. Don't wait for your boyfriend to grow up to do it because at the rate he's maturing, that may never happen.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Matt" is a junior in high school. He says he's not attending the junior/senior prom this year because he doesn't have anyone special to go with.

I tried to explain that his date doesn't have to be a "girlfriend," that she can just be a friend. I told him he could also go with a bunch of guys who don't have dates.

I know later on in life Matt will regret not having gone to the prom, and I'm sad about his decision. Should I make him go even though he doesn't want to, hoping he has a good time when he gets there? Or should I drop the issue and respect his wishes even if he's making a mistake? Matt is 17 and not particularly social, and I think that's why he doesn't want to go. -- ENCOURAGING MOM

DEAR MOM: There is a fine line that separates an encouraging mom from a mom who is overbearing. Your son is only a junior, and will have a chance next year to change his mind and attend the prom as a senior. Frankly, I have never had a man write me or tell me that looking back on his high school years he regretted missing a dance. A game, perhaps -- but never a dance.

DEAR ABBY: I bought a used car with a navigation system last week and noticed that the previous owner's information was still embedded in the system. Abby, I had that man's home address, the addresses of his friends, his bank, his workplace -- every place he had gone.

Please inform your readers that if they sell a car with a navigation system, they should first delete all of their information. Car dealerships should also be aware of this and, perhaps, erase the information from the system as part of their vehicle inspection. -- JENNIFER IN LEE'S SUMMIT, MO.

DEAR JENNIFER: Your letter raised some eyebrows among me and my staff, so we canvassed some of the used car dealerships in the Los Angeles area. They're already aware of it. Those we spoke to stated that they are not legally required to delete information from a navigation system, and all agreed that the seller is responsible for removing the information before selling the car.

I am sure many readers will thank you for the warning.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and a senior in high school. I do not drink and don't plan on drinking when prom time comes around. My problem is, I'm not sure whether or not my date will want to. I don't want to be around alcohol, and I especially do not want to have a drunk date I have to sober up before I can take her home, which might upset her parents if it's after curfew.

So how do I find out if my potential prom date is a drinker before I ask her to the prom? -- DOESN'T DRINK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DOESN'T DRINK: I assume you won't be inviting a total stranger. Start talking with some of the girls you're considering inviting and ask them how they feel about drinking alcohol. Or, let them know how you feel about drinking, and that you don't like hanging around with people who do.

P.S. If you do find yourself with a girl who gets drunk, you should have no hesitation about returning her to her parents in that condition. And if you get any grief, point out that you are cold sober and their daughter imbibed against your wishes, too. Then let them deal with her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend for a couple of years. During this time I have become increasingly convinced that if I were ever to leave her, she would kill herself.

I love her, but the thought that I couldn't ever leave her without her killing herself is not pleasant. She doesn't have many friends she can rely on. I always tell her how pleased I am when she hangs out with friends without me, because she doesn't do it often enough.

What do I do when the girl I love makes serious threats of suicide if I were ever to break up with her? -- HOSTAGE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOSTAGE: Here's what you do: Tell her that what she is saying is crazy thinking, and that if she's being serious she needs to discuss her hyper-dependence with a mental health professional. You should also tell her that unless she does so immediately, your relationship with her is on borrowed time. Your signature speaks volumes, because as long as this woman can subject you to emotional blackmail -- and that's what she is doing -- you are, indeed, her hostage.

DEAR ABBY: This is a time when high school seniors visit prospective colleges. Could you please convey the following suggestions to them?

1. Wear comfortable shoes. You will be doing an awful lot of walking.

2. Come prepared for the weather. Twelve hundred people attended a recruiting session today, and at least one-fourth of them did not come with umbrellas. A thunderstorm began at 4:00 p.m., and they wondered why we didn't provide umbrellas!

3. Come with a list of questions and bring something to write on, plus a tote bag to carry any materials you receive.

4. Read the materials you were sent. If they say check-in begins at 8:00 a.m., then plan to be there at 8:00 a.m.

5. You will be receiving a lot of information, so you should plan on making a return trip to the two or three institutions you visited that you liked the most.

6. We will show you one or two residence hall rooms. We cannot show you all of the halls. In order to inspect them all, you will need to come on a Residence Hall Open House day.

Thank you, Abby. -- DEBBIE IN ADMISSIONS

DEAR DEBBIE: On the contrary -- thank YOU for a "tip sheet" every college-bound senior should see. Better to be prepared than be without.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school, and I'm worried about my friend, "Elizabeth." She has always been a Type-A overachiever, but for the past year and a half, she has been more stressed than usual.

School consumes Elizabeth, but not in a good way. She stays up until 3 a.m. cramming for tests even though she studies for several days before. She gets angry and depressed when she doesn't get an A on an assignment. She puts a lot of pressure on herself, and her parents don't seem to recognize it.

My friend doesn't sleep much and eats very little. At first, I told myself that I was overreacting by worrying about her. However, last night she was hospitalized for exhaustion and anemia. She's fine now, but the stress and unhealthy habits have caught up with her. I'm afraid she'll go right back to her detrimental lifestyle.

I believe Elizabeth needs help and I'm thinking of talking to a guidance counselor. What should I do, Abby? -- DISTRESSED IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR DISTRESSED: You are a good and caring friend. Talk to the guidance counselor. Your friend's sleeplessness, stress, anemia and poor diet may come from more than pressuring herself to achieve good grades. She may need professional help -- and the guidance counselor may be able to see that she gets it.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a pharmacy. Every day people try to hand me their cell phones to talk to their family members, doctors or insurance company.

I will NOT touch their filthy, germy phones. If I did, I'd be risking my own health! What is a polite response? -- HOLD THE PHONE IN ARIZONA

DEAR HOLD THE PHONE: A polite response would be: "Does your phone have a speaker feature? If so, please turn it on. If not, then please have your family member, doctor or insurance company contact the pharmacy, and someone will be glad to help them."