DEAR ABBY: My sister "Carole's" husband died a year ago, and her oldest daughter passed away four months later. Carole now has her daughter's two oldest children, ages 10 and 14.

Carole has been going out with men she meets on the Internet, drinking and partying on weekends and neglecting the kids. The 10-year-old had been receiving psychological help since before her mom died and was on medication, but Carole has dropped all of this help for the child. The girl had been molested by a relative years ago, and now with her mother gone, she's not moving forward in school or in life.

Some of us are willing to take the children from her. She seems not to care what happens to them. She devotes all her attention to the next guy she can be with. She has left the kids alone all night when she was spending the night with men. I'm not supposed to know this, but my adult niece found out from the kids. What can our family do to bring Carole back to earth and help these kids? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEEPLY CONCERNED: Bringing Carole back to earth and helping the kids may be two separate issues -- and you may not be able to accomplish both. It is possible that Carole would be open to others in the family taking in the children if you approach her as a group and "sympathetically" offer her that option. Explain that you all can see the stress she's under trying to find herself as a widow and grieving mother.

It appears that she is in need of counseling -- if she's open to it. Make it plain that her children would be welcome to stay with you on a temporary or permanent basis. If she agrees, fine. However, if she doesn't, contact Childhelp USA, which can give you information about agencies that can help. Contact them by logging onto www.childhelpusa.org or calling toll-free: 1-800-422-4453.

DEAR ABBY: My son was killed in a car accident five years ago. His wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months later.

Last month, I received a phone call from a woman we barely know who told me -- very politely -- that she had a "surprise" for me. She then informed me that I have another grandchild, a little girl! She claims my son got her granddaughter pregnant six years ago, and that she had the DNA checked to prove my son was the father. Needless to say, my wife and I were floored.

Abby, I don't know how to react. My wife, who is level-headed, told me not to react right now and to think things through. Do I go to this grandchild with open arms? It doesn't feel right. The child's mother has not reached out to us at all. I need your help. -- MAN WITH NO PLAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR MAN WITH NO PLAN: Your wife is an intelligent lady. I, too, find it odd that you would be contacted -- five years after your son's death -- by someone other than the child's mother. The person you should go to "with open arms" is your attorney. If there is DNA evidence, your attorney can help you determine if it's authentic and what your next move should be. Because you have not heard from the mother, you should not approach the child unless you have first made certain your attention is welcome.

DEAR ABBY: We are seniors like "Thinking About Adopting in Las Vegas" (Feb. 2), who wants to adopt a dog. He may find it difficult to adopt one, especially since big hearts and lots of love and patience many times aren't considered "enough" today. We were denied every dog we wanted to adopt until a volunteer at Petfinder.com advised us that considering our ages, we should adopt a senior dog. We took their advice and have been blessed with 9-year-old Benji for almost a year.

Puppies are like grandchildren -- full of love, but they can leave us seniors exhausted. Senior dogs nap, are more mellow than puppies and are usually housebroken. If that man outlives his dog, he'll know he gave his precious little one a good home and lots of love. If Petfinder is in his area, they will make sure your little one is adopted into the perfect home -- not just "any" home. -- BENJI'S PARENTS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR BENJI'S PARENTS: Thank you for supporting the adoption of older dogs. Readers provided some doggone good resources for adopting -- or acting as a foster parent -- for an abandoned or abused dog. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In most states people can now create a trust for their pet. They can put funds into it and, in this way, benefit their pet by naming a trustee and caretaker to assure it will be taken care of until it passes away. In the trust they can state all their wishes, as singer Dusty Springfield did in stating she wanted her dog fed only imported baby food, its bed lined with her nightgowns and her records played when it went to sleep. -- MARC S. IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: Most Humane Societies now offer a "senior for senior" discount where a qualified senior citizen can adopt a senior companion animal, usually 7 years old or older, with all the fees waived. Please tell "Thinking" that he can find what he's looking for in companionship, and a middle-aged or older dog that would usually be passed up at the pound will get a new leash on life. -- TANNA, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Many dog rescues need kind, loving foster homes for abused and abandoned animals who are awaiting adoption. It is hard to give up a dog after you have fostered and taken care of it for a while, and you do have the option of adopting it yourself, but believe me, this is definitely a worthwhile cause. When you take in a foster, their eyes are dull. But after receiving love and attention from a caregiver, those eyes sparkle and you know you have done something wonderful. -- JILLIE IN HUMBLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: After practicing as a vet for 35 years, may I offer a suggestion to your readers? Wonderful older pets are put to sleep every day at shelters across the country. These pets are usually housetrained, leash-trained, calm and eager for love and attention. Puppies (and kittens), on the other hand, need constant attention, training and activity.

Visit a pet shelter, and you may find your "perfect" companion patiently waiting for your love. -- KEN COHN, TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is 9 and still walks around naked. I have asked "Josh" repeatedly to put on some clothes, but he blows me off and flaunts himself around the house.

My mother is no help. When I ask her to talk to him, she laughs and says, "Boys will be boys." Abby, I'm 13 and it is starting to freak me out. Am I being paranoid, or am I right to want him to put on a pair of boxers or something? -- OLDER SISTER IN MCALLEN, TEXAS

DEAR OLDER SISTER: Your mother is right about one thing: Boys WILL be boys. Your brother is acting like an immature child who's enjoying teasing his sister.

On the other hand, she's wrong to laugh off your discomfort. One reason children have parents is so someone can teach them respect for the feelings of others. At 9, Josh is too big to ignore, and at 13, you are no longer a little girl. If he wants to be naked in his bedroom, fine and dandy. But when he's in the rooms shared by everyone, he should cover up. And if he doesn't, there should be consequences.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law died unexpectedly three weeks ago. We were very close, and I handled most of the arrangements. She left no will, so my ex-husband and I did our best to provide what we thought she would have wanted.

We chose to have Mom cremated, but decided to have a short open viewing at the funeral home for her grandchildren's benefit. We wanted them to realize Grandma was no longer in her body.

This morning I was shocked to receive a phone call from the funeral parlor saying they have received a letter from one of Mom's co-workers, expressing that she felt the viewing was disrespectful and in bad taste. Abby, we chose to display her body on a table with blankets. We didn't think spending hundreds of dollars for a coffin for the four-hour viewing was justified, nor did we think Mom would have wanted us to do that. Was it inappropriate? -- SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN MONTANA

DEAR SLAPPED IN THE FACE: There was nothing disrespectful or inappropriate about the way your ex-mother-in-law's body was displayed. And you were wise not to spend a lot of money on a casket that was to be used only for a viewing.

I applaud your courage to do things differently. Please let that presumptuous woman's criticism roll off your backs.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a nonprofit organization, and once a month we convene early in the morning for a staff meeting. To make up for the fact that we are meeting earlier than usual, departments take turns providing breakfast. This has turned into a contest to see who can bring the most elaborate breakfast.

Frankly, it's all I can do to get breakfast on the table for my own family without the added pressure of having to provide something for my "work family." The one-upmanship and back-stabbing is bad enough without having to become Martha Stewart in the process. Please comment. -- EGGS-ASPERATED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EGGS-ASPERATED: I can see how something like that could get out of hand. Someone must break the cycle -- so why not you? When your department's turn rolls around, either order something you can pick up the night before or the morning of the meeting, or bring in fruit, granola and yogurt so your colleagues can have a healthy breakfast. And don't apologize for it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)