life

When It Comes to Adopting a Pet, Old Is Often Best

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2010

DEAR ABBY: We are seniors like "Thinking About Adopting in Las Vegas" (Feb. 2), who wants to adopt a dog. He may find it difficult to adopt one, especially since big hearts and lots of love and patience many times aren't considered "enough" today. We were denied every dog we wanted to adopt until a volunteer at Petfinder.com advised us that considering our ages, we should adopt a senior dog. We took their advice and have been blessed with 9-year-old Benji for almost a year.

Puppies are like grandchildren -- full of love, but they can leave us seniors exhausted. Senior dogs nap, are more mellow than puppies and are usually housebroken. If that man outlives his dog, he'll know he gave his precious little one a good home and lots of love. If Petfinder is in his area, they will make sure your little one is adopted into the perfect home -- not just "any" home. -- BENJI'S PARENTS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR BENJI'S PARENTS: Thank you for supporting the adoption of older dogs. Readers provided some doggone good resources for adopting -- or acting as a foster parent -- for an abandoned or abused dog. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In most states people can now create a trust for their pet. They can put funds into it and, in this way, benefit their pet by naming a trustee and caretaker to assure it will be taken care of until it passes away. In the trust they can state all their wishes, as singer Dusty Springfield did in stating she wanted her dog fed only imported baby food, its bed lined with her nightgowns and her records played when it went to sleep. -- MARC S. IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: Most Humane Societies now offer a "senior for senior" discount where a qualified senior citizen can adopt a senior companion animal, usually 7 years old or older, with all the fees waived. Please tell "Thinking" that he can find what he's looking for in companionship, and a middle-aged or older dog that would usually be passed up at the pound will get a new leash on life. -- TANNA, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Many dog rescues need kind, loving foster homes for abused and abandoned animals who are awaiting adoption. It is hard to give up a dog after you have fostered and taken care of it for a while, and you do have the option of adopting it yourself, but believe me, this is definitely a worthwhile cause. When you take in a foster, their eyes are dull. But after receiving love and attention from a caregiver, those eyes sparkle and you know you have done something wonderful. -- JILLIE IN HUMBLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: After practicing as a vet for 35 years, may I offer a suggestion to your readers? Wonderful older pets are put to sleep every day at shelters across the country. These pets are usually housetrained, leash-trained, calm and eager for love and attention. Puppies (and kittens), on the other hand, need constant attention, training and activity.

Visit a pet shelter, and you may find your "perfect" companion patiently waiting for your love. -- KEN COHN, TUCSON, ARIZ.

life

Naked 9 Year Old Makes His Sister's Life Difficult

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My brother is 9 and still walks around naked. I have asked "Josh" repeatedly to put on some clothes, but he blows me off and flaunts himself around the house.

My mother is no help. When I ask her to talk to him, she laughs and says, "Boys will be boys." Abby, I'm 13 and it is starting to freak me out. Am I being paranoid, or am I right to want him to put on a pair of boxers or something? -- OLDER SISTER IN MCALLEN, TEXAS

DEAR OLDER SISTER: Your mother is right about one thing: Boys WILL be boys. Your brother is acting like an immature child who's enjoying teasing his sister.

On the other hand, she's wrong to laugh off your discomfort. One reason children have parents is so someone can teach them respect for the feelings of others. At 9, Josh is too big to ignore, and at 13, you are no longer a little girl. If he wants to be naked in his bedroom, fine and dandy. But when he's in the rooms shared by everyone, he should cover up. And if he doesn't, there should be consequences.

life

Dear Abby for April 07, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law died unexpectedly three weeks ago. We were very close, and I handled most of the arrangements. She left no will, so my ex-husband and I did our best to provide what we thought she would have wanted.

We chose to have Mom cremated, but decided to have a short open viewing at the funeral home for her grandchildren's benefit. We wanted them to realize Grandma was no longer in her body.

This morning I was shocked to receive a phone call from the funeral parlor saying they have received a letter from one of Mom's co-workers, expressing that she felt the viewing was disrespectful and in bad taste. Abby, we chose to display her body on a table with blankets. We didn't think spending hundreds of dollars for a coffin for the four-hour viewing was justified, nor did we think Mom would have wanted us to do that. Was it inappropriate? -- SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN MONTANA

DEAR SLAPPED IN THE FACE: There was nothing disrespectful or inappropriate about the way your ex-mother-in-law's body was displayed. And you were wise not to spend a lot of money on a casket that was to be used only for a viewing.

I applaud your courage to do things differently. Please let that presumptuous woman's criticism roll off your backs.

life

Dear Abby for April 07, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I work for a nonprofit organization, and once a month we convene early in the morning for a staff meeting. To make up for the fact that we are meeting earlier than usual, departments take turns providing breakfast. This has turned into a contest to see who can bring the most elaborate breakfast.

Frankly, it's all I can do to get breakfast on the table for my own family without the added pressure of having to provide something for my "work family." The one-upmanship and back-stabbing is bad enough without having to become Martha Stewart in the process. Please comment. -- EGGS-ASPERATED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EGGS-ASPERATED: I can see how something like that could get out of hand. Someone must break the cycle -- so why not you? When your department's turn rolls around, either order something you can pick up the night before or the morning of the meeting, or bring in fruit, granola and yogurt so your colleagues can have a healthy breakfast. And don't apologize for it.

life

Dear Abby for April 07, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2010 | Letter 4 of 4

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

life

Husband's Many Conquests Leave Wife Feeling Defeat

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 6th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 58-year-old woman who has been married 40 years. I married at 18, put my husband through school and raised three children.

We have now been separated five years, after I found out that my husband had had numerous affairs. The last one lasted three years and I had no idea. During his last affair, he had the woman in our home and told her personal things about me. He lied and told her we were getting a divorce.

We have not divorced. Financially it would be hard. I can't seem to get over the pain and hurt. He still calls to see if I am OK. I continually visualize him with the other women. Thirty-five years is a long time, and he's the only man I have ever known.

I want to get over him, but it's hard. I now work full-time. My husband constantly sought women who admired his power and status in the community. I don't think I can ever get over his hurting me so. I tried counseling. It didn't work. He continues to call, which keeps me hanging. Should I break all ties? Is that what's holding me back? -- SAD IN OHIO

DEAR SAD: Let me talk to you like a friend and offer a suggestion: Talk to an attorney. After 40 years of marriage to a man with "power and status," one wealthy enough to afford serial "cookies" on the side, he must have accumulated enough assets that you shouldn't have to hold down a full-time job.

If you availed yourself of some of the assets to which you may be entitled, you might have enough to get more counseling and do some traveling, which might help to lessen your unhappiness. THEN you can decide whether or not to break all ties.

life

Dear Abby for April 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 6th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: With graduation announcements pouring in every day from everyone whom I have ever known who has a child graduating, I think I have seen a new low.

I actually received a photocopy of a high school graduation announcement. There was no picture, no personal note, just a photocopy folded into a cheap envelope. The "real" ones had been sent to more "important" people.

My question is, should I send the kid a photocopy of a congratulations card and a photocopy of some money? What's the best way to handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: If you have not seen the graduate since grammar school and aren't particularly close to the family, just toss it!

life

Dear Abby for April 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 6th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter you printed recently about "pennies from heaven" and thought I would share my story about a coin of a different kind.

My son died at the age of 16 following an auto accident. Among the feelings I was having was guilt that he didn't get to go to Italy with his Latin class the spring before his death because I couldn't afford it. Now, he would never get to go.

One day after returning to work, I was getting into my car and noticed a coin on the seat. I picked it up and was shocked to see it was an Italian lira! I took that as a sign that he DID get to see Italy, and I keep it in the frame with his picture. -- CHRISTOPHER'S MOM IN EVANSVILLE, IND.

DEAR MOM: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. The coin was sent to comfort you, and I'm glad it served its purpose of tempering your feelings of guilt and loss.

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