DEAR ABBY: I am at my wits' end and feel my life is over. I just want to get my life back the way it was 10 years ago. In the past eight years I have lost two jobs. I am currently unemployed and in financial ruin. I see no way out. Every job I apply for wants to do a credit check, so there goes any good job I might have. I have no resources for a counselor since I have no health insurance and nobody for a sounding board. Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel virtually alone. -- TROUBLED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TROUBLED: First of all, you are not alone. At last count, millions of fellow Americans were in the same boat. When people are out of work for an extended period, debts do tend to pile up. But if you are upfront about it during a job interview, I am sure that fact will be taken into consideration.

The job market is beginning to thaw, so please keep trying and do not give up hope. There are support groups for people who are out of work -- and a place to start looking for one would be a bulletin board at the unemployment office in your area. Use your local library as a resource to find support groups on the Web. Network with other people you know who are unemployed. Inquire at churches and synagogues because some of them offer these services. Also, ask at the mayor's office or city hall, and at community centers. Help is everywhere; you need to get out and look for it.

DEAR ABBY: My father has been short-tempered for as long as I can remember. He never beat us, but he spanked us plenty as a means of discipline when we were growing up. Now this anger is random; he makes every family event a nightmare for anyone involved. He insists on planning events at their home, and screams and degrades any of us "kids" (and Mom) if we do something other than his way.

Shortly after my sister's divorce a few years ago, my father met with our priest to discuss his anger issues, but it didn't change anything. We've suggested anger management or counseling, but he tells us we're "overreacting" and blames my sister's drama as an excuse for his behavior.

I am expecting my first child, and my husband and I are afraid of the effect Dad's behavior will have on our little one. My sister's children are all afraid of my father. While they respect him, they constantly worry about when the next blowup will happen. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, but how can I deal with this? -- EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED IN OHIO

DEAR EXHAUSTED: You and your siblings are no longer children who have to obey your volatile father. If he uses the excuse that you (all) are in his home to imply that his behavior is acceptable, then you and the sibs should host family gatherings in your own homes, where your rules take precedence.

It's sad that your father didn't take his anger issues to a licensed psychotherapist, who could have helped him understand what causes them and given him tools to manage them. But since he didn't, you must accept that your first responsibility will be to your child -- specifically to protect him or her from your father's explosive outbursts.

DEAR ABBY: My mother just turned 80, and her driving is getting bad. I have spoken to her about my concerns, and she says she'll "think about" stopping. Then the next day, she's off driving somewhere.

I live 25 miles away. I offered to move to her apartment complex and do her driving, but until I can do that she won't stop.

Mom has already hit a city bus, turned into oncoming traffic and narrowly missed a pedestrian. When she put in for a change of address for her driver's license, they noticed it was time to renew it and did so without a test. I requested they send her a "come in and test" letter, but so far there has been no response. What can I do before she kills someone or herself? -- PHILADELPHIA DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Contact your mother's physician and tell him/her what you have told me. Her doctor should write a letter to the Department of Motor Vehicles regarding her history of near misses. It appears your concerns are justified. She should be given a driver's test and an eye test.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old stepson says he is embarrassed by the constant hand-holding in public his mother and I enjoy. He also doesn't like that we always share a quick kiss after saying grace before meals, even in restaurants. He says that none of his friends' parents do it, and he thinks it's "weird."

His mother and I see no need to change and feel he will get over his embarrassment in time. We feel our displays of affection are appropriate and strengthen our relationship. I would also think that seeing us so well-bonded would be reassuring to him and his 14-year-old brother.

Neither boy was close to his father -- in fact, they both hate to visit him -- so I don't think it's an issue of the boy hoping his parents will get back together. Any thoughts on this? -- STEPDAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STEPDAD: If your marriage to their mother is relatively recent, your displays of affection may make her sons uncomfortable. Also, both boys have reached an age when parents ARE just plain "embarrassing." In the interests of family harmony -- until they grow out of it -- please consider refraining from the quick kisses when you're out in public.

DEAR ABBY: My 60th birthday is approaching, and my children and I are planning a trip. My wish is to celebrate with just my two children -- not their spouses. Is this insensitive? Am I being unreasonable? -- THREE'S COMPANY

DEAR THREE'S COMPANY: If you have a good relationship with your children's spouses, there shouldn't be hurt feelings if they are not included this time. There are occasions when spouses sometimes prefer to stay at home. Example: high school reunions.

A neighbor of mine, a woman in her 80s, mentioned recently that she was planning a trip back to her hometown with her daughter (sans son-in-law) so they could see the house where she was raised and the grammar and high schools she attended. For them it was a sentimental journey, but for the husband it would have been as warm and fuzzy an experience as a root canal.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, one and all!

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DEAR ABBY: I broke up with my girlfriend of almost two years last July because I thought I was going to be getting a job overseas and she would be staying in the States. We have always had a long-distance relationship (me being from New York and she from New Hampshire), and it didn't look like it would be any different for the next five or so years what with graduate school, etc.

I was becoming more and more distant in our relationship because I'd see her only for a weekend every other month or so, and the lack of physical contact left me feeling single but unavailable.

It has been many months now, and it turned out I didn't get the job after all. She's now living two hours away, and we're still on good terms. We talk occasionally but never about us. Our families loved each other, and we never had any deal-breaking fights.

Part of me wants to see if she wants to give it another shot, but the other half feels almost embarrassed to ask. What would you suggest I do? -- MUSING IN THE EMPIRE STATE

DEAR MUSING: Sitting around "musing" won't solve your problem. So get off the dime and ASK her before someone else steps in and does!

DEAR ABBY: I have been married a year and a half. My husband works three jobs because he wants material things. We spend very little time together and when we do, it's sleep and sports. We don't go out to dinner or movies. I feel like I'm just here so he can get the material things he wants. -- LONESOME IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LONESOME: You and your husband are overdue for some serious discussions regarding priorities, goals and values because it appears you are far out of sync. Tell him that while you admire his drive and ambition, successful marriages take work, too.

While many people can hold down two jobs, trying to hold down three is a challenge. A person can't put forth his best effort if he's exhausted all the time -- and fatigue leads to mistakes and inefficiency. For the sake of your husband's health, he should rethink what he's doing.

P.S. Speak up now, because if you truly believe you're just there so he can get the material things he wants, it doesn't take a crystal ball to see this marriage may not be one of long duration.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I met someone who became larger than life to me. I was happier than I ever dreamed, but it wasn't to be. He was killed six months later in a car accident. His best friend, "Tom," was driving.

I went to visit Tom in the hospital and from then on we became inseparable. At first, it was to soothe each other's pain of losing someone we both loved, but it grew into something more.

I currently live with Tom's family and work in their business without pay. Essentially, I'm one of the family. I could not ask for a more loving adoptive family, but I don't want to be "family." I lie awake at night thinking about Tom, blush if our hands touch and have to catch my breath when he looks at me.

How do I tell the man I love that I have fallen for him when he considers me like a little sister? Is what I'm feeling even appropriate? -- UNSURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNSURE: I think so. You suffered a devastating loss. Tom and his family have filled the void, so your feelings are understandable. You will never know whether Tom feels the same way about you if you don't bring up the subject. If you're afraid to do that, then talk to his mother. She'll be able to give you some insight -- and perhaps some encouragement. But don't wait much longer, because if he doesn't feel the same, you need to move out and move on with your life.

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