DEAR ABBY: I'm a career woman, working for a family-owned business. Last year was difficult because there have been a number of layoffs and no raises. When I had my annual review, I received an outstanding evaluation but was again told no raise would be forthcoming because business is slow.

I could understand this because of the current economy if the owners of the company weren't taking expensive vacations and buying new luxury cars.

I have a hard time accepting there's no money for raises when they spend so extravagantly. I understand it's not my business how they spend their money, but it's difficult to swallow when I feel so taken advantage of. I'm not the only one here feeling the way I do, and it's beginning to create a hostile environment. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- BITTER IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR BITTER: If your employers are claiming poverty while indulging in conspicuous consumption, your feelings are understandable. And as soon as the job market improves, I'm sure you will be only a part of the stampede of fellow employees seeking another job. With your outstanding reviews it shouldn't be too difficult to find one. Bide your time ...

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in the fall and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. She has been through a lot, and I have supported her all the way. She says I am the only one who had faith in her, encouraged her and loved her no matter what.

Are moms supposed to be in their daughters' weddings? She doesn't want her dad in the wedding, so this makes it difficult. I am honored that she wants me to be her matron of honor. If her dad isn't in the wedding, should I be in it? I don't want any hard feelings from the other family members, but my daughter is determined to have me as her matron of honor. -- DONNA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONNA: If what your daughter said is true, and you were the only one who had faith in her and loved her unconditionally, then you should accept her offer to stand with her at the altar. And yes, it has been done before.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freelance writer who works from home. I have flexibility when it comes to my work hours, but I decide that on my own terms. I have lost count of the number of times friends and family have asked me to baby-sit, have lunch or go out shopping with them because, according to them, writing isn't "real work" and working from home means having no fixed hours.

Last week my husband called me from his office and asked me to bring him some documents he had forgotten at home. When I realized it wasn't urgent, I told him no and that he had interrupted my train of thought. He has been sulking for days. Was I wrong?

In this digital age, with more people working from home, it still means adhering to a schedule. Oh, and one more thing -- please remind your readers that writing is very much a REAL job. -- FREELANCE WRITER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FREELANCE WRITER: Consider it done. Writing requires concentration, and it IS a very real job. However, you may be bringing some of your problems on yourself by not informing your friends and family that you write between certain hours every day. And an effective way to isolate yourself and ensure you won't be interrupted by annoying phone calls would be to turn your phone off during the hours that you're writing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to encourage "Wants to Do Right by Mama" (Jan. 25) to honor her mother's final wishes regarding her burial attire and the position of her body. Several years ago, I sat down with my parents and we talked about their wishes for when they die. We discussed everything from the distribution of their assets to the type of funerals they want. I learned that my father would like a large tombstone, which is something I never knew, so I asked him to draw up exactly what he had in mind.

Mom and Dad have already written their obituaries for the newspaper. Mom listed all the songs to be played at her service and the flowers she wants. We visited funeral homes, and discussed coffins and services, etc. Since then, they have changed their minds several times and have now decided they prefer cremation. Everything is written down and I sent copies to my brother, who lives out of town. Both of us want to respect our parents' wishes.

It wasn't as difficult as we thought it would be, and when the time comes and everyone is emotionally spent, the arrangements will already be in place. -- JIM IN CHESTERFIELD, MO.

DEAR JIM: I congratulate you for having that important discussion with your parents. A number of readers commented on that letter. Their remarks made me smile, so I'll share. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My father wanted to be buried without any clothes on and without his dentures. His reasoning was he came into the world naked and toothless, and he wanted to go out the same way. To my brother's dismay, Daddy got his wish. He was, however, covered discreetly by a lovely blue sheet. -- MISSING DADDY

DEAR ABBY: My children know for a fact that if I'm ever unable to care for myself, they'll have to pluck out my chin hairs. Whether I'm in a nursing home or in a coffin, if there are any coarse hairs sprouting from my chin, I'll come back and haunt them. -- MARTHA IN GREEN BAY

DEAR ABBY: When we buried my mother, Dad realized his burial plot next to hers would be so close to the road that visitors might drive over it or park on his grave. So he requested that when he was interred, a nail be placed in his fist so he could reach up and pop their tires. When he passed away last August, we gave him the largest nail we could find. -- DADDY'S DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: Our mother saved her favorite square dancing outfit for when the angels called her, and we honored her wishes when she passed away a few months ago at the age of 89. She was completely decked out in her dress, right down to the "full" slip, shoes and six-shooter earrings. We miss her terribly, but can't help smiling when we think of her in her dress. -- DID RIGHT BY MAMA, OTHELLO, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My great-grandma also requested that she be buried in her pajamas, but said she also wanted a fork placed in her hands. We could understand the pajamas -- given the "long sleep" -- but the fork had us stumped. She explained that when dishes were cleared after family dinners when she was growing up and dessert was on its way, her father would say, "Hold onto your fork, the best is yet to come!"

We did as my great-grandmother asked, and it helped those of us who were grieving to remember that she's now enjoying her "just desserts." -- HOLDING TIGHT TO MY FORK, SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR ABBY: I am newly single after a 30-year marriage. Would you please explain to me the protocol regarding intimacy? After how many dates is it appropriate to engage in intimacy? And afterward, should the man call the woman or the woman call the man? How long should one wait before calling? I'm afraid if I call too soon I'll appear needy, and if I wait too long to call I'll appear to be a player. -- TENTATIVE TOM IN TAMPA

DEAR TENTATIVE TOM: When an individual has reached middle age, that person is considered mature enough to know when he (or she) is comfortable enough with another person to engage in "intimacy." No time limit is engraved in stone. As to who should call whom first to offer congratulations on a fine performance, there is no reason to stand on ceremony. Everyone likes a compliment, and a prompt, "Thank you for a wonderful time; it was great," is not considered needy -- it's good manners.

DEAR ABBY: I recently experienced an awkward situation. I reconnected with an old friend I hadn't seen in about four years. The last time I saw her she was pregnant. I asked about her baby, and she informed me that he had died a few months after his birth.

She clearly found the memory sad, but at the same time had moved on. I didn't want to force her to re-experience the event by asking her what happened, but it seemed rude to abruptly change the subject to some minor matter after such sobering news.

What is the polite thing to say when someone tells you about a tragedy, but long after it happened? -- WORDS FAIL ME, PEKIN, ILL.

DEAR WORDS: The correct way to handle it would have been to say, "I'm so sorry for your loss," and let your friend decide whether to discuss it further or change the subject. In other words, let her take the lead.

DEAR ABBY: When I was married I had an affair with a married man. We had a child together, and I divorced my husband. When the affair ended, child support was never mentioned, and for the last nine years I have raised my daughter by myself.

I am recently married to a wonderful man who takes care of both of us very well. My daughter has never asked anything about her father, but I know down the road she'll want to know what happened. I don't know when I should talk to her about this, and if I should take any legal steps to claim child support. Part of me feels that I should go for it; part of me is saying I should just let it go. Your thoughts, please? -- AMBIVALENT IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR AMBIVALENT: The time to tell your daughter the details is when she starts asking you questions. Whether you should seek retroactive child support is something you should discuss with an attorney. While it might result in a nice chunk of change that could be put toward your daughter's college education, it could also result in the biological father's having access to the girl. And frankly, a man who not only cheats on his wife but shirks his financial responsibility to his daughter strikes me as less than a positive role model.

TO MY IRISH READERS: Have a joyous St. Patrick's Day, but if you're drinking, don't drive. And if you're driving, don't drink.