DEAR ABBY: Last night, I attended an elegant dinner party at the home of a friend. She served a delicious meal on a table set with crystal, bone china, silver and a low centerpiece of fresh flowers. Everything was perfection -- with one exception. As soon as we were seated, our hostess's elderly Aunt "Ethel" began talking about her health, with graphic details of every symptom, every allergy and every pain she had ever endured.

Other guests tried changing the subject several times, but Aunt Ethel evidently believed she was being entertaining. Among those at the table were a lawyer, a teacher and a friend who had recently returned from living several years in Africa. Each had more to contribute in the way of conversation. But not one got the opportunity to speak more than a few words before Aunt Ethel was reminded of yet another ailment she "knew" we'd find interesting.

How does one handle an awkward situation like this? In spite of her age, the woman is essentially in good health and ours is a small town. She'll probably be present at many more dinners. -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: (And I'm sure you were.) Your hostess lost control of her party. A way to have handled it would have been for her to say to Aunt Ethel, with a SMILE: "That's very interesting, Aunt Ethel, but I invited everyone to come here for a reason -- so each person can tell us what they've been doing since we were last together, since I know a lot has been going on." Then she should have started around the table.

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DEAR ABBY: "Oscar" and I have been married for three years. We have had many ups and downs and a few near-separations, but we're now on a better path and working hard on our relationship.

Because my friends have seen the rocky times Oscar and I have been through, they are not as nice to him as I'd like. In particular, this applies to my best friend, "Tish," and her husband.

I have tried many times to get us together on double dates, but they always refuse. They socialize with other couples, but refuse to associate with Oscar and me beyond birthday and holiday celebrations.

I'd love to have my friends and my husband all together for other social functions. What can I do, if anything? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Frankly, you can forget having the idealized relationship with Tish and her husband that you're looking for. When you confided all the ups and downs you were experiencing with Oscar to them, they lost respect for him. Whether your husband will ever earn it back is questionable. Sometimes that's the price you pay when you unload your marital problems on your friends instead of working them out with your husband and a counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I recently canceled a party that has been an annual event. I did it because, of 20 invitations I mailed out, only three individuals bothered to respond by the requested RSVP date. This has happened before, and I am tired of trying to guess how many will attend.

Some years I have been left with too much food, which went to waste. Other years there wasn't enough to go around. Now, some of the invitees are upset. I am getting comments like, "I was going to reply," or "You know we ALWAYS come, so we didn't think we needed to reply." I have also received e-mails bemoaning the fact that I have ruined what was always a fun event.

I refuse to allow them to bully me into throwing the party or feel like an ogre for canceling it. And no, I am not asking for advice. I just needed a place to vent about the cluelessness that seems rampant in our society. -- NOT A PSYCHIC IN ST. LOUIS, MO.

DEAR NOT A PSYCHIC: Because you're not asking for my advice, I won't offer any. However, I'm glad you wrote to vent because that's what I'm here for, and it gives me a chance to remind readers that when they receive an invitation with "RSVP" on it, the RSVP means they should inform their prospective host as soon as possible whether or not they will attend. Not to do so is rude, rude, rude.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school, and a girl I was acquainted with was killed in a car crash. The accident was the result of bad road conditions, and she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. The driver of the car survived.

Because this girl had a reputation for being a troublemaker -- skipping classes, getting pregnant -- some adults here think she got what she deserved. I think it's insensitive to say such things while her parents are mourning the loss of their daughter. She may not have been the nicest person, but I feel sad for her parents and the baby she left behind.

How do I respond to these negative comments? -- SYMPATHETIC TEEN, PROSSER, WASH.

DEAR SYMPATHETIC TEEN: I think you said it very well in your letter. That girl's parents are mourning the loss of their daughter, and this is a tragedy not only for them, but also for the baby who lost its mother. Yes, she made mistakes but none of them warranted the death penalty.

DEAR ABBY: I crave certain foods sometimes. My doctor said that when you crave a food, it means your body needs something that's contained in the food -- such as salt on pretzels.

My grandmother thinks whenever I say I'm craving a food that I'm pregnant. I have tried to explain to her that I'm not -- that sometimes when your body needs a certain vitamin or mineral, people crave foods that are high in it.

My grandmother insists that my doctor is wrong and doesn't know what she is talking about. She says the only time a woman craves a certain food is when she's pregnant. Unlike my doctor, my grandmother has not been to medical school. She thinks experience and age are everything, and science is nothing.

Abby, what should I say to my grandmother to help her understand that science is here for a reason? -- CRAVING HELP IN MUSTANG, OKLA.

DEAR CRAVING HELP: Please stop arguing with your grandmother because as steeped in "folk wisdom" as she appears to be, she isn't going to budge. I do have one suggestion, though. The most effective way to get her to quit telling you you're pregnant would be to stop telling her you have a craving.

DEAR ABBY: We recently remodeled my mother-in-law's house. She's now trying to move back in and put things away. She asks my opinion constantly about where things should go, but when I give her my answer, she always disagrees.

Her house is small and storage is limited. I try to give her ideas (which she asks for) for organizing her stuff -- but then she says, "Oh, no," and shoves everything in her pantry.

I hate to see her clutter her house when she doesn't have to, and I feel her disregarding my help is intentional. What are your thoughts? -- TRYING TO LET IT GO, RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR TRYING: Your mother-in-law may ask your advice not because she intends to use it, but because she likes the attention she's getting from you. It's important that you emotionally disengage from what's going on, and remember that SHE will have to live with the disorganized mess she's creating, not you. You did your part by helping out with the remodel, so give yourself a pat on the back for that and step back. Your relationship with your mother-in-law will be better, and you'll experience less frustration if you do.

DEAR READERS: To those who live where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this gentle reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before going to bed tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and you know what that means -- spring is on the way!