DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, Edye, was a wonderful cook and an accomplished hostess. Friends and family enjoyed being a part of her events, not only because of the food but also because she made everyone feel so welcome.

Before my husband and I were married, I met Edye for the first time at a dinner she hosted in my honor. Of course, I was nervous about meeting her and wanted to make a good impression. After the introductions, I followed her into the kitchen and offered to do what I could to help.

She smiled and said, "No thank you, dear. I like to do things my way," and then she pointed to a poem she had framed and hung on her wall. The title was, "Stay out of My Kitchen," and she told me it had come from your "Keepers" booklet.

Edye passed away two years ago, and the poem now hangs in my sister-in-law's kitchen. I think of my dear mother-in-law every time I see it. How can I get some copies of your "Keepers" booklet? I will be hosting a wedding shower for my niece and would like to use them as part of the gift bags I'm assembling for the luncheon. -- STILL MISSING EDYE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MISSING EDYE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother-in-law. From your description, she must have been a talented and special lady. I'm pleased Edye found my Keepers Booklet enjoyable, and I hope your guests will, too. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You'll find it contains a collection of humorous and inspirational letters, poems and essays that were longtime favorites of my own dear mother -- which is why she included them in an inspiring, easy-to-read booklet for anyone who needs a "lift."

The poem your mother-in-law framed is brief, polite and succinct -- and here it is:

STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN by Susan Sawyer

Please stay away from my kitchen

From my dishwashing, cooking and such;

You were kind to have offered to pitch in

But thanks, no, thank you so much!

Please don't think me ungracious

When I ask that you leave me alone;

For my kitchen's not any too spacious

And my routine is strictly my own.

Tell you what: You stay out of my kitchen

With its sodden, hot, lackluster lures --

When you're here, stay out of my kitchen

And I promise to stay out of yours!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong -- because someday you will have been all of these. -- GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your answer to "Yoo-Hoo, I'm Over Here!" (Jan. 10), who was bothered by her husband's constant leering at women, you've got to be kidding. Men have been looking at young women since the beginning of time. My husband and his friends hold "office hours" every morning at our neighborhood coffeehouse. I've told him as long as he "touches" only with his eyes, there won't be a problem.

My husband and his pals are not "creepy old men." They are leaders in our community -- doing what they can to make the world a better place, while enjoying the scenery. There must be something terribly wrong with "Yoo-Hoo's" marriage if she's contemplating divorce because of this. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN TAMPA

DEAR KEEPING IT REAL: I told "Yoo-Hoo" that from her description, her husband's behavior seemed obsessive, that it showed a lack of sensitivity to her feelings and I recommended marriage counseling. Responses from my readers were varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In marriage we promise to love and cherish our wives. That is not what "Yoo-Hoo's" husband is doing. It is disrespectful to her, his supposed one and only, and to the women he is ogling. When a man stares at another woman, it is not just looking. He is fantasizing about her. And sometimes it doesn't stop there. -- TOM IN HALF MOON BAY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 18 years, we have four children, and I can attest that all men do NOT do that. My husband isn't blind to a beautiful woman, but he is respectful of my feelings and has enough self-respect to not openly drool over any women in my presence.

Unfortunately, we do know "Yoo-Hoo's" husband's type. We have seen "men" like him gawking open-mouthed at the teenage girls wearing tight jeans at school. We have also made careful note of who they are and who their children are. If an invitation comes for one of our girls to visit their kids at their house, the answer is always NO.

"Yoo-Hoo's" husband has a problem. The sooner she realizes it, the better. -- WATCHFUL MOM IN BUTLER, PA.

DEAR ABBY: You said that if "Yoo-Hoo's" husband were 20 years younger, his behavior would be chalked up to "boys will be boys." Boys of all ages can be respectful of women -- the ones they're dating or are married to, and the ones who do not want to be ogled by strangers. Appreciating attractive people without being creepy is something people of all ages and both genders are capable of. Please don't perpetuate this stereotype. -- BROOKE IN HILLIARD, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The way she describes her husband's behavior with women sounds like he may have a sexual addiction. If so, he is powerless over his behavior and will do anything to justify his addiction. It's a waste of time asking him to change unless he goes into recovery for it. Other signs of this addiction are affairs, frequenting bars, using Internet chat rooms and looking at porn. -- KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE

DEAR ABBY: I wonder how that man would feel if he caught someone his age leering at HIS daughter? Maybe then he would think twice about what he is doing. -- DIVORCED IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: Women look, too. I look! I think it's healthy to be aware of the people around you. But that doesn't mean we have to be obvious about it -- certainly not so obvious that we are inconsiderate of the people we are with.

That said, the other side of the coin is: Did he act like this when they were dating? Did she know what she was getting when she married him? As they say, a leopard doesn't change its spots. -- IRENE IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR ABBY: When I first met my husband of two years, "Phil," he owned his own home, kept it spotless and his yard neat, prepared his own meals and did his laundry. Those qualities made him stand out from the many spoiled "Mama's boys" I had dated in the past.

Now that we're married it's like he has amnesia. He has "forgotten" how to operate the washing machine, scrub a toilet or wash a dish. He hasn't cleaned the bathroom once since our wedding, washes only one load of laundry a week (his own work uniforms) and performs other domestic tasks only if I ask repeatedly. I don't enjoy nagging him.

I teach school and attend graduate school at night, so I'm just as exhausted at the end of the day as he is, even though his labor is more physical. I know this problem is nothing new, but I am hoping you can offer some insight or advice. Why do so many men feel entitled to flop on the couch every night and expect us women to trudge through the housework into the wee hours? -- NOT THE MAID IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR NOT THE MAID: Probably because that's what they saw their mothers do, and whether it's conscious or not, they consider housework to be "women's work." However, a lot has changed over the last generation, and your mother-in-law deserves credit for equipping her son to be independent after he left her nest.

Because so many couples are both employed today, many husbands and wives share housekeeping responsibilities. And because you yourself are working the equivalent of two jobs, that's what you and your husband should be doing. Of course, that won't happen until and unless you're willing to put your foot down and impress upon him that you married him to be his partner -- not his maid -- and that if he wants a happy marriage, he's going to have to pull his share of the load.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about my 14-year-old granddaughter. She's a good soccer player and frequently "heads" the soccer ball. I think this could be harmful to her brain.

I have spoken to two coaches about it; they say I shouldn't worry. But I saw on the Internet that chronic traumatic brain injury has occurred in soccer and football players. What do you think? Should I pursue this concern? -- GRANDMA AND NURSE IN HOUSTON

DEAR GRANDMA: What do your granddaughter's parents have to say about this? Surely, she is not participating in a team sport without their written permission. That said, because everything one reads on the Internet isn't necessarily accurate, if you wish to pursue this, I'd recommend you start by talking to a licensed medical professional.

DEAR ABBY: I have been infatuated with a co-worker for more than a year. The problem is, he knows it and is reluctant to become more involved because we work together. We flirt constantly. We're good friends and talk almost daily about things that go way beyond work.

Everyone here knows we have a thing for each other. How do I cross over without risking our friendship? We're both single and unattached. -- INFATUATED IN DOWNEY, CALIF.

DEAR INFATUATED: More than a few romances have started in the workplace, if there is no company policy forbidding fraternization, so why not ask him to join you for dinner one evening? I can't see how that would be a risk to your friendship. His response will tell you whether or not he's just an office flirt who enjoys the sexual tension and prefers to leave things as they are.