DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy who is wonderful, caring -- everything a woman would want. There's just one problem. When he takes off his shirt, he has an extremely ugly mole. It looks suspicious and is irregularly shaped. I can't stand looking at it, but my eyes are drawn to it like to a car wreck. To top it off, it has hair growing out of it.

I know he probably pays no attention to it because it's on his back. But I see it staring back at me. How do you tell a loving and caring man that you're turned off by his scary mole? -- GROSSED OUT IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Because man was not born equipped with a rearview mirror, it takes a caring friend to tell him -- or her -- what's going on behind his/her back. It's not necessary to say that you are "grossed out" at the sight of the mole. All you need to say is: "Honey, you have a large, irregularly shaped mole on your back that looks suspicious. It doesn't look right, and you need to have it checked out by a dermatologist as soon as possible because I'm worried about you."

DEAR ABBY: It's tax season, and once again, my husband and I are faced with our annual "conflict." We buy a tax program for our computer and do our own taxes. Every year, one of our daughters has my husband do her taxes. After he completes them, he returns the forms so she and her husband can sign them. The problem is, they never pay the taxes they owe.

My daughter and son-in-law owe thousands of dollars, and I know they risk being audited by the IRS. If that happens, I am sure the kids will say that my husband actually did the taxes, which could draw us into their problem. It might even target us to be audited. I don't want to be dragged into this potential problem. My husband thinks I'm being silly and borrowing trouble unnecessarily. What do you think? -- HONEST TAXPAYER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HONEST TAXPAYER: Because your husband is preparing the tax return as a favor and not being paid, I doubt he will get into trouble. But there's a good chance your daughter and her husband will. What she needs to do is contact the IRS and work out some kind of workable payment plan. And as loving parents, you and your husband should encourage them to act like responsible adults and do that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old divorced man who has been dating a divorcee for five years. Last night I asked her to marry me, only to be told she was not ready and afraid of being hurt again.

Should I stay in this relationship, or stop seeing her and try to start another relationship? I'm afraid that staying in this one much longer will prevent me from finding someone else who would marry me. -- REJECTED AND DEJECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DEJECTED: After five years of dating, the lady should have some idea of how trustworthy you are. Because she's gun-shy, offer to go with her to some counseling sessions in order to allay her fears. If she's willing, continue the relationship a little longer. If she's not, then your instincts are correct, and it's time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Stumped for an Answer" (Dec. 22), the man who was speechless when a woman objected to his opening the door for her. Haven't we all experienced "moments after," wishing we'd found the right words at the right time?

My son -- a high school sophomore -- had a timely response in a similar circumstance. We had stopped at a grocery store for a couple of items and were walking toward the exit. Just ahead was a woman carrying three large bags. My son stepped up to open the door for her, and in a strident voice she said, "Listen, Sonny, I can handle the door myself!"

My boy answered with a polite smile and a pleasant tone of voice: "I'm sorry. I'll excuse your rudeness if you'll forgive my courtesy." -- PROUD MOM IN RUIDOSO, N.M.

DEAR PROUD MOM: At times these days it can seem that manners are an endangered species. My office was flooded with mail from readers eager to "politely" share their thoughts. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am tired of people not using good manners or even recognizing what good manners are. Personally, it makes my day when someone holds the door for me. I usually offer thanks and a smile. (By the way, "please" and "thank you" also seem sadly lacking these days.)

I feel sorry for that unappreciative woman because she must lead a bitter life. Please let the guy know there are others out there who appreciate good manners and please don't let one rotten apple spoil the barrel. -- TIRED OF THE MANNERLESS

DEAR ABBY: Here's what he should have said: "I was taught that it is respectful to open a door for a lady. I apologize for having misjudged you." -- ANOTHER LADY IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My guess is the woman was having a bad day and the man was a convenient target. I also prefer that doors not be held open for me. I have fibromyalgia, which is usually only apparent if I have my cane. I usually open doors by leaning my back into them. That's what works best for me. People's attempts to "help" me have caused me to fall or the door to slam back on me.

I understand most folks are trying to be kind, but because some of them are clueless, my suggestion is to first ASK someone if you can hold the door for her or him. If the answer is no, please respect it. -- NOT UNGRATEFUL IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: I am an independent woman and I don't like men to open doors for me. It makes me feel inferior. When I run across a guy who insists on doing it, I allow him to. But then I rush to open the next one for him. Usually I get a chuckle when he reluctantly goes through. -- DO-IT-MYSELF, FOSTORIA, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: My reply would have been, "Common courtesy knows no gender." -- RON IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR ABBY: To a woman who once yelled at him for opening a door for her, my husband responded: "It's not because you're a woman. It's because of your AGE." It left her speechless. -- GRETCHEN IN FAIRBANKS

DEAR ABBY: Another possible reason a woman might not want to have a door opened for her: As a short-statured person, I find it an invasion of my space when a tall man reaches up and over me to hold a door, so I must scoot under his arm. -- ANOTHER VIEWPOINT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: When it happened to me, I smiled at the woman and said: "I didn't open the door for you because you're a lady. I opened it for you because I'm a gentleman." It got my point across. -- DON IN ALAMEDA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 76-year-old man who is romantically involved with a 65-year-old lady. She knows I take Viagra. I recently had to go out of town for a week. Before I left, she demanded that I give her my bottle of Viagra. She said she would return it as soon as I got back.

What I did not tell my lady friend is that I don't always need Viagra to "perform." Should I remain silent and let her believe that without the little blue pill I'll be forced to remain faithful?

Honesty is the best long-term policy, but is there a limit to just "how" honest one should be? -- A VITAL MAN IN ARKANSAS

DEAR VITAL MAN: In this case, keep your own counsel. If you tell your lady friend you don't always "need" Viagra, she may start wondering why you always need it with her and find the implication insulting.

DEAR ABBY: As a child, it was painfully obvious that my mother favored my brother, "Clint," over me. Everything he did was considered perfect and was bragged about. Because I was a girl, I was expected to step and fetch for him. To this day, my opinions hold no weight against those of my brother. I have always been hurt by this, but I have lived with it.

Clint moved 3,000 miles away years ago. I am the one caring for Mom, although Clint contributes financial assistance. When he and his family came to visit for a week, my daughter asked me why Grandma respects and is prouder of Clint's children -- all boys -- than of her.

Grandma is proud that one of the boys knows about computers, but my daughter has BUILT computers. Grandma is proud because one of the boys is studying piano. My daughter has played flute for 10 years. Grandma brags about another of the boys' ability at rowing, but never about my daughter's achievements in academics.

How do I keep my daughter from feeling resentful, and what should I tell her? -- LESS VALUED IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR LESS VALUED: Tell your daughter the truth -- that your mother always favored your brother, and that this is just more of the same. Tell her that she is a terrific daughter and that YOU are proud of her. And explain that there is no pleasing Grandma, which is why she should keep her distance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's aunt was gorgeous when she was young. At 90, obviously her appearance has changed. After many illnesses, her looks have faded.

When she shows me pictures of herself in her youth, it's obvious she wants a response, but "you were beautiful" seems cruel, pointing out that she is no longer. To pretend she still is would be disingenuous.

I have been in this situation with other elderly people. What is a complimentary and sincere comment at these times? -- REALIST IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REALIST: Your aunt is reminded of the fact that she's no longer in the full bloom of youth every time she brushes her teeth in front of the mirror. So why not give her the compliment she deserves? Say, "Auntie, you were drop-dead gorgeous! I'm sure you stopped traffic." If you do, I'm willing to bet she has a few stories to tell you about when she did exactly that.