DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend is very sweet. The problem is, she wants to have sex with me. I don't think I am ready for that. I also don't know how to approach my parents about this. I really need some help -- fast! -- NOT READY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT READY: Your girlfriend may not be as interested in having sex with you as she may be in doing what she thinks you may expect from her. That's why you should have a talk with her and tell her that, at this point, you don't think you are ready. You may find she's relieved to hear it.

Because you find this subject too delicate to talk to both your parents about, I recommend you bring it up with one of them -- your father, perhaps. You don't have to start the talk by announcing that you're being pressured into sex. Instead, start out by saying there is talk around your school about the number of kids who are having sex and you'd like to talk about it. If he isn't comfortable with discussing this with you -- and I'm pretty sure that won't be the case -- then talk to a counselor at school about the fact that you need some direction.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Kayley" has been asking me to set up a playdate for her and her friend "Julie." I have met Julie's parents on a few occasions -- the playground, school events, etc. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable around them. I thought I smelled alcohol on her father's breath when we were at the playground, and he also said some things that seemed inappropriate.

I've been avoiding the playdate request because I know if we invite Julie, she will probably invite my daughter to her house to reciprocate. I don't think I can leave Kayley at their house.

I keep making up excuses, but Kayley is persistent. I don't want to tell her that I'm not comfortable with Julie's parents or the prospect of having her go to their house because I'm afraid she might repeat what I say to Julie. What should I do? -- AT A LOSS FOR WORDS IN MAINE

DEAR AT A LOSS: Stop making excuses and invite Julie to play at your home. When Julie's mother offers to reciprocate, tell her -- sweetly -- that you prefer playdates be at your home. Period. Do not be defensive about it, just firm.

P.S. You may be worried over nothing because Julie's mother may not make that offer you're dreading.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ben," is a loving, caring, big-hearted and sincere man, but I have a problem with the way he presents himself in public. His clothing is frequently stained, wrinkled and ill-fitting, and he doesn't seem to care. He even wears clothing with holes and rips. Some of his clothes look like they haven't seen a washing machine in weeks because they're so stained.

I have bought Ben new clothes, but most of the time he puts them away and wears his old, beat-up and grubby things. He gets upset and defensive when I bring it up. Other people have commented about the way he looks and, frankly, sometimes I'm embarrassed to be seen with him.

He's a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but this really bothers me. I don't want him to look like a fashion plate, but neat and clean would be good. Any ideas on how to deal with this? -- DISAPPOINTED WITH DISHEVELED

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I do have one. Rather than buying your husband any more clothes he doesn't wear, take him shopping and have him select some items in which he would feel comfortable.

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DEAR ABBY: I love my wife very much. I like giving her back rubs, massaging her feet, cuddling and kissing her. In return she does the same -- to her dog, "Barkley."

Barkley is the only one who benefits from her affections. The dog does nothing for me except allow me to pick up his droppings. What am I missing? -- DOGGONE PUZZLED IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR DOGGONE PUZZLED: What you are missing is something called "reciprocation." And your wife is missing how resentful you are beginning to feel because of it. If you haven't already done so, "Speak!" to your wife about it and tell her you need some of those demonstrations of affection aimed in your direction -- or someone's going to wind up in the doghouse, and it won't be Barkley.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brian," has a terminal illness and only a few months more to live. We have been married four years. I fell out of love with him shortly after our wedding, and now he's sick. I'm his only caregiver.

Abby, sometimes I don't want to do it anymore. He has treated me badly and sometimes I hate him, but I want our 2-year-old daughter to know her father and have good memories. She can tell I'm not myself.

I know Brian has only a little time left, but I also know we would be happier and saner with him gone. I try to keep her away from him as much as I can because he goes off on her, too. I know my husband is angry because he's dying, but he has always been angry and had a bad temper. I try to be positive for our child, but it's difficult when you're being put down or ordered around all the time. What can I do? Just hang in there until it's over? I'm confused, lost, depressed, and I cry all the time. Please help. -- WANTS OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS OUT: Please accept my sympathy. What you're experiencing is the most difficult of life's transitions -- painful, exhausting, sometimes thankless. But for your sake, please don't give up now. Once this is over you will emerge stronger, more confident -- and knowing you did your best and fulfilled your wedding vows to the very end.

Although you feel alone right now, you are experiencing what many other caregivers do when dealing with a loved one who is dying. Because you feel isolated, you might benefit from contacting the Family Caregiver Alliance. Its toll-free telephone number is 800-445-8106; the Web site is www.caregiver.org.

DEAR ABBY: When I started dating this guy, "Mitch," everything was great. We were happy and made each other laugh. After three months, he left me a message saying he had to go out of state for work and would call when he got to where he was going. All I got was silence. Days turned into weeks and eventually into five months. Even though I loved Mitch and he had claimed he loved me, I started to accept that things were over between us.

Just as I was getting over him, he called. He told me he still loves me and is sorry he hurt me. Something does not add up. He doesn't have a cell phone, so there's no way to reach him. When I call him at the number he gave me, he's never there. I care for him, but something is not sitting well. What should I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN BATH, PA.

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Pay attention to your intuition, which is trying to tell you that Mitch is a magician. Having pulled one disappearing act on you, he is likely to perform another. When a man isn't where he says he'll be, the odds are that he is either married or involved with someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently passed away. She and Dad were married 52 happy years. Over the years, Mom received a few Christmas cards from "Linda," my brother's girlfriend 30 years ago.

Dad found Linda's address and let her know about Mom's passing. Now he says he and Linda have become good friends. Dad says they're "only friends" and Linda is someone he can talk to. We are very upset about whatever relationship they have. My brother and I and our children want to be the ones to comfort Dad and be comforted by him. It has been only two months since Mom's death.

He talks to Linda about everything. They have even discussed the details of Mom's grave marker. Linda says Dad is the father she never had. (Her father is still living.) I confronted Dad about it, and we had a huge argument. Are we wrong and insensitive for disapproving of his closeness with this woman? -- FALLING APART IN TEXAS

DEAR FALLING APART: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. You and your brother and children may want to be the ones to comfort your father (and be comforted by him), but what he may feel he needs right now is someone he can talk to who is not emotionally involved and doesn't need comforting.

You didn't do anything wrong, but please remember that you are all grieving right now, and when people are grieving, their emotions are raw. This situation will work itself out in time, but until it does, please remember that your father can talk to whomever he pleases.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 13 years and have two children, 7 and 9. About a year ago, my 41-year-old husband befriended an 11-year-old neighbor girl, "Lacey." Lacey is charming, friendly and plays with my children.

I like her and her family, but I'm bothered that she and my husband have a relationship that seems questionable to me and his friends. Lacey texts him daily, to which he quickly responds. They have conversations in our driveway, and they text each other constantly at neighborhood socials even though they're in the same room.

I have told my husband I am concerned and that it may be an unhealthy relationship, but he becomes angry and insulted and says it's an innocent friendship. Others have also voiced their concerns to him because they see the same things I do. On the other hand, her parents think the friendship is innocent.

Abby, am I overreacting? Should I view it as an innocent friendship, or could there really be a problem? -- WORRIED WIFE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED: I don't think you're overreacting in light of the fact that other adults are picking up on the "vibes" and making comments. I find it of concern that Lacey doesn't have playmates her own age. It appears she has a crush on your husband, and he finds it flattering and is encouraging her.

While the conversations in the driveway may be completely innocent, the idea that they are texting each other makes me uncomfortable. My advice is to have a frank talk with Lacey's mother and express your concerns, because while what's going on may be innocent, it is not appropriate. The older male figure in her life should be her father.

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