DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and baby-sit regularly for a family on my street. The kids are well-behaved and enjoy it when I go there to watch them. My problem is their mother never gives me notice when she needs me. She'll ask if I can baby-sit that day, or even worse, that moment. Sometimes she'll just say something vague like, "Sometime later today -- I'll let you know when I need you."

I love the kids and enjoy looking after them, but I do not appreciate their mother's inconsiderate behavior. How should I deal with her next "request"? -- SEETHING SITTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR SEETHING: The next time the woman calls at the last minute, tell her you're sorry, but you already have something scheduled, and when she needs you to baby-sit to please give you more notice so you won't disappoint her. And if she isn't definite about what time she wants you to be there, tell her you need to know NOW so you can make any arrangements you need to.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were recently invited to a friend's home for a screening of a movie in their home theater. About 15 other guests were also in attendance. We arrived on time and chose our seats by leaving our coats on them, then joined the other guests for pre-movie socializing.

When we returned to the room to watch the film, we found that a college-age couple had tossed our things aside and taken our seats.

Because there were no other seats together, we told them the coats were ours and that we had placed them on the seats for a reason. The couple left.

Later, another couple mentioned that they thought we had overstepped our bounds -- that we should have said nothing because this was a private home. I had always been taught that one could set one's items down, and that it indicated that seats were spoken for. Were we in the wrong? -- WONDERING IN COLUMBUS

DEAR WONDERING: Everybody was "in the wrong." The young couple should not have moved your things and grabbed your seats. Because you were all guests in a private home, you and your wife should have taken what seats were available. (I mean, would it have killed you to sit apart for a couple of hours?) And last, the couple who corrected you should have kept their mouths shut.

DEAR ABBY: I have a special needs daughter who is currently on a waiting list for a service dog. She has been moved to the priority list, and I'm hoping she will receive her dog within the next two months.

While I'm thrilled about the opportunities the dog will provide her, it has also raised a concern. What do I say when people ask what her disability is?

I know that legally no one is allowed to ask that question -- per the Americans With Disabilities Act -- and I would have no problem telling nosy strangers to keep their questions to themselves. But there are people -- like my co-workers and my daughter's classmates -- whom we can't avoid.

If you see my daughter on good days, you might not notice anything "different," although she has a number of significant health and emotional issues. What is the correct way to respond to the honest questions without revealing my daughter's medical history to people who have no need to know? -- MOM IN IOWA

DEAR MOM: Always be polite, but do not allow yourself to be pressured into giving specifics. Respond by saying, "Oh, I don't want to bore you -- the dog helps my daughter." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old registered nurse who has never been married. Recently I bought a home, and soon after, an old boyfriend, "Gary," started coming around. I was happy about it at first, but he's been staying here at my place for two months now and hasn't paid any rent.

Gary buys his own beer and has brought home a few grocery items from time to time, but nothing to speak of. He had the electricity turned off at his place so his expenses are minimal. He also brought along his cat, but never cleans out her litter box.

He does no housework and comes and goes as he pleases. I do not want him sharing my home without contributing anything. Is there a way to tell him without wrecking our relationship? -- CANADIAN JOAN

DEAR JOAN: It appears that not only is the heat off at Gary's house, the temperature at yours is cooling fast. Tell him that if he can't help you with the rent, household chores, groceries and the litter box, it's time to turn up the heat at his place. And please don't feel guilty about it. It's called being assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school who has trouble making friends. My grades are good. I'm learning how to play a musical instrument, and I think I'm a nice guy.

My problem is so many of my schoolmates judge others by their possessions -- cell phones, iPod, laptop, etc. It matters what brand of clothing you wear and how much money you have. If you don't have those things or your parents aren't rich, you're treated as an outcast. Character or talent doesn't matter, apparently -- only money. This has started affecting my self-esteem. What do you advise? -- JUST A NICE GUY IN ARIZONA

DEAR NICE GUY: You will be better off, and lead a happier life, if you stop looking for acceptance from shallow, immature kids who belong to tight, judgmental little cliques. Join activities where you will meet others with values more like your own. Some places to start would be special interest clubs at school, scouting, a sport, your church youth group, or volunteering if you have some free time. There is nothing "wrong" with you. Many people develop their social skills and blossom after high school.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has been criticizing my table manners ever since our wedding. When we're having dinner, if we're having meatloaf, broccoli and mashed potatoes, I eat all of my meatloaf and then all of my broccoli before starting on the mashed potatoes.

My wife claims it is proper etiquette to rotate one bite of each different food rather than consume all of any one of them before moving on to the next. I have never heard of this rule and neither has anyone else I have asked.

Am I violating a rule of etiquette, or is this something else my wife has "cooked up"? -- RUMINATING IN RIO RANCHO, N.M.

DEAR RUMINATING: I have never heard of such a rule either, nor is it mentioned in "Emily Post's Etiquette (16th Edition)." Your wife may have cooked it up, but that doesn't mean you have to swallow it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You asked female readers if we have anything to add to your advice to "Hot Flash Hilda" (Dec. 16), whose husband says she's "mean" and "freaky" because she doesn't want to snuggle when she's having a hot flash. I have had 18 years of menopause. I told my older son once that menopause constitutes justifiable homicide, and he'd better tread carefully.

Hilda should tell her husband that hot flashes are like claustrophobia. You're heating up from the inside out and have no way to escape. There are times when my skin actually hurts. Maybe if she uses "justifiable homicide" it will get through to him. -- LINDA IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR LINDA: When I printed the question from "Hilda," I had no idea that menopause was such a hot topic and that I'd not only receive responses from women, but also from male readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My wife has also been dealing with hot flashes. Her comments to me fell on deaf ears until my doctor prescribed a niacin-based drug for triglyceride issues. He failed to advise me to take an aspirin shortly before taking the niacin. When I took the niacin for the first time, I had an instant understanding of what hot flashes were and what my wife had been subjected to for several years. -- GETS IT NOW IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: My husband also didn't understand my need for distance during a hot flash. So I took him to a spa for a day of couples pampering and suggested he get into the sauna to relax.

When he was good and hot, I joined him and suggested we "snuggle." He exclaimed, "But I'm all hot and sweaty!" I smiled and said, "You're having a hot flash." That's when he finally got it.

Now he not only gives me space during a hot flash, but offers me a cool drink of water or a chilled cloth to put on my neck for the duration of the "heat wave." -- DIANE IN SUSANVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for that reply! Men need to try and understand what women feel during a hot flash. A 450-degree oven about sums it up. I bought books on the subject for my husband, but have yet to give them to him. I most certainly will now. -- MICHELE IN WURTSBORO, N.Y.

DEAR MICHELE: Another way to educate a clueless spouse is for both of them to consult the wife's gynecologist or their primary physician to discuss what the hormone changes may be doing to her body and psyche.

DEAR ABBY: When my hubby and I first married, he was always the warm one; I was always freezing. At night he'd snuggle me in bed until I was comfortable.

Years later, he was diagnosed with cancer. Radiation therapy caused his body temperature to drop while I, coincidentally, was going through menopause. Now I would wrap my legs around his, snuggling him until we were both comfortable.

One night, while we were all entangled, he exclaimed, "Oh, my God, we've turned into each other!" He's been gone 10 years now, and what I'd give for one more snuggle. -- BONNIE IN GREENFIELD, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I are both going through menopause. Try having two women having hot flashes at the same time -- the sheets nearly burst into flames. Hilda should be grateful she's not going through WOMENopause. -- VICKIE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: On a recent trip to Rome, my husband generously sprinkled fresh peppers in his food (while the waiter shook his head). Heat seared through his body. His eyes were glassy, sweat beaded on his forehead and he gulped the whole carafe of water. I looked at him and said, "Welcome to MY world." -- ANITA IN ORANGE CITY, IOWA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)