DEAR ABBY: I am appalled and saddened when I go out to a restaurant and see the number of adults who force their children to eat. There are so many overweight people in the United States, why try to make a child finish a meal? They will eat when they are hungry; just don't give them anything between meals.

It hurts me to see parents say, "We can't leave until you clean your plate" -- like they are bad children for not eating. Please tell me if I'm off base on this issue. -- MILWAUKEE GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Perhaps you shouldn't judge so quickly. The problem of obesity in this country has less to do with parents force-feeding their children than with children and adults who are consuming fattening foods in excessive portions and not burning off the calories. It may be that the children you are seeing want to consume only sweet, sugary foods -- and the parents are simply trying to get them to eat a balanced meal.

DEAR ABBY: A member of our family is very difficult to get along with and has a low boiling point. We never know what is going to trigger the anger, nor how long it will last. This person also likes to play the victim. Everything gets blown out of proportion and 99 percent of the time is unmerited. To us, this behavior is rude, mean and cruel. Some people avoid personal contact because they are tired of having their feelings hurt.

We know we can't change this person, but is this a form of mental abuse? Should we continue to ignore the punishment we are getting and continue to be kind and thoughtful and hope the mood will pass? -- TIRED OF THE TIRADES

DEAR TIRED: The tirades could be considered a form of mental abuse, but they could also be signs of substance abuse, a mental illness or a personality disorder. Your relative's behavior should not be ignored. In fact, I recommend you consult a licensed mental health professional to help you better understand what's going on and how to effectively deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and my mother's 70th birthday in March. They have invited my siblings and me, plus our spouses and grandchildren for a Caribbean cruise. The celebration was planned around a time when most of us could take time off work and school. Unfortunately, the event coincides with my stepdaughter's due date. Her mother (my wife) has already said she will stay behind for the birth.

The problem is, my stepdaughter has said that anyone who misses the birth of her baby will not be allowed to have a relationship with her or her child. How do I make this right for my parents and my stepdaughter? -- TROUBLED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TROUBLED: You can't. It will be up to your wife to make her daughter understand that the world doesn't revolve around her, and that her attempt to blackmail you into being there for the birth of the baby will not punish you or your family, but rather isolate herself and the child. It's a mistake she'll regret in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I haven't spoken in more than two years because of something I said regarding her grandson, "Joey," who is my great-grandson. The last time I saw this boy, who lives in another state, he was 7 or 8.

My daughter's husband was expressing how proud he was of Joey, who is a star football player -- a linebacker at 200 pounds and over 6 feet tall. I said, "Wow, the last time I saw him he was 7 or 8 and fat as a little pig." My words were not wisely chosen, but an expression I have used many times. It was just a comment.

They left the state in early spring without a call or a goodbye. On Mother's Day I received a "gushy" card, which I returned with a note saying how much I would have loved the card -- if I had felt it was sincere.

I am 86 and hate what has happened, but I feel I am being punished for just "being me." Should I make the first move or just let sleeping dogs lie? -- OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA: You should have apologized for your comment the minute you realized you had struck a nerve. And returning the card the way you did only added fuel to the fire. My advice is to write your daughter and son-in-law a note of apology and do it soon, because at 86, you don't have any time to waste.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman from a family of females who are all large-busted. Sad to say, I am the exception. My husband not only looks but stares when he sees a big-breasted woman. He promised me a few years ago I could get implants. He even let me consult two plastic surgeons, and then twice prevented me with excuses from having it done.

I do not want this because of his actions but because I have always wanted a well-balanced body. I have been told by family members to go ahead and get the implants without his knowledge. I believe he would love the end result, but I'm not sure this is the right way to do it. What do you think? -- NO MORE EXCUSES IN LOUISIANA

DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: I think that if you want to have breast augmentation, you should do it. BUT NOT THE WAY YOUR FAMILY IS SUGGESTING! Have a serious talk with your husband, so you can explain how you feel about having the surgery and he can tell you exactly what his qualms are. While he may enjoy looking at large-breasted women, he married you just the way you are, and he may be worried that something could happen during the procedure that could cost him the love of his life. Hear him out.

DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who has been married for almost 30 years to a wonderful man who is also an only child. We have no children.

We are moving to another state where we don't know anyone. I am worried that one day I'll be all alone in the world with no one to turn to. (Women statistically tend to live longer than men, and my husband is seven years my senior.)

What do people do when they have no one, and how do I not let this ruin our otherwise great life now? -- AFRAID TO BE ALONE

DEAR AFRAID: First of all, quit preoccupying yourself with thoughts of death and isolation. When you arrive at your destination, join a church or synagogue if you are religious. If you're not, find organizations where you and your husband can volunteer time and meet people. Join social clubs if you're moving to a sizable city. "Old age" will happen years from now, if you're lucky. And regardless of what "statistics" say, you could go before your husband -- so stop worrying and enjoy the time you have together.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend recently moved in with me. We have a great relationship except that he is always slapping me on the bottom. He refers to it as "love taps."

I have told him many times I regard it as degrading and frustrating. It stings and I hate it. I have told him 10 different times in 10 different ways, including getting so angry I screamed obscenities at him.

When we get into little arguments, he will say, "That's it! You deserve a spanking for that!" and proceeds to hit me again. I know he thinks it's cute, and he obviously gets some sort of enjoyment out of it, but I am at my wits' end.

How can I get it through his head that his behavior is not only offensive, it is seriously harming our relationship by creating resentment? Does he just not care about my feelings, or does he not take me seriously when I tell him to knock it off? -- SORE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SORE: When someone continues to do something after having been told that it hurts, that you don't like it, and that you want it stopped, what it shows is lack of respect for your feelings and your "space." What is going on is not my definition of a "great" relationship. It's one in which there is a serious communication problem.

Now I have a question for you. What else does he ignore when you speak up?

DEAR ABBY: I take the shuttle bus from work along with a group of others from the same company. Last week, I got out of work a little early and was already sitting on the bus when the others boarded. Not realizing that I was there, a man who works in another department -- whom I do not know well -- said loudly, "I don't think that old lady is here today."

Abby, I am not yet 60, and he is older than I am! I know that for a fact. His remark was within earshot of the other workers and the driver. Needless to say, I was deeply upset and humiliated. In fact, I wrote a letter to the human resources department but never received a response.

I have considered calling the crass fellow to tell him how much he embarrassed me. Should I? What would you do, Abby? -- LOYAL READER, ANY CITY, USA

DEAR READER: Are you the only older female who rides the shuttle? And are you positive the remark was about you? My initial reaction was that the man may have thought someone who usually takes the bus wasn't there yet and he might have been voicing concern -- as in, "Maybe we should wait a few minutes until she gets here."

Rather than calling him, I would let it go. If he was talking about you, he embarrassed HIMSELF with his tactlessness far more than he embarrassed you.

DEAR READERS: Today is a double holiday. Not only is it Valentine's Day (greetings to all you lovers out there), but it also is the beginning of the lunar New Year. This is the Year of the Tiger. Individuals born this year are known for their charm, and when they see opportunity, they're quick to pounce. A formidable combination not only in the jungle, but also in society!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)