DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Hillary" for a little more than a year. We're both in our late 20s and just starting our careers. We both live with our parents.

We've been having problems because I'm not willing to move in with her. I have told Hillary many times that there is no audition for marriage, but she's convinced it would "bring us closer." Many of the people I've worked with ended up splitting shortly after moving in together. Conversely, many of Hillary's friends moved in with significant others and were married shortly after.

I admit, I'd like to take things slow (call me old-fashioned), but Hillary doesn't know if she can wait until I feel ready to take this step or propose.

We acknowledge that we love each other. Our parents are not exactly rooting for us, so we're taking another break from things. I suggested that we both find our own places for the time being. Hillary has never lived by herself. We don't know what to do, and I'd like some advice from someone who doesn't have a stake in this. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: I'm glad you asked. Neither you nor Hillary seem ready for the kind of commitment she's angling for right now. What's clear to me is that she wants to get out of her parents' house, while you appear to want some independence before making a lifetime commitment. Your suggestion about getting separate apartments is a good one.

I would love to know why neither set of parents is "rooting" for this match. But let it serve to make you think long and hard before doing anything you're not 100 percent ready for.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are having a disagreement. I went into a women's clothing store to buy her a formal dress for Christmas. She has recently gotten into superb shape, and I wanted to celebrate it by buying her something formal but sexy.

I found an item I liked but was unsure how or whether it would fit her. The store manager who was helping me asked one of the salesclerks to try it on for me. She did, and I bought the dress.

My wife feels this was highly inappropriate of everyone involved -- tantamount to a "come on." Can you give me your views? -- WELL-INTENDED IN PHOENIX

DEAR WELL-INTENDED: The store manager's offer to have an employee put on the dress to show you was something that's done all the time. Your wife may be in "superb shape" physically, but emotionally she appears to be insecure. Now that you know this about her, the next time you want to buy her an item of clothing, take her with you. It won't fix what ails her, but you'll avoid another disagreement.

DEAR ABBY: Someone said something to me today that really offended me. I let her know she had hurt my feelings and her response was, "I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way." (Abby, there was no other way to interpret it!) Essentially, she made it MY fault because I was "too sensitive."

If I said something that hurt someone's feelings, I would simply say, "I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt you." When you try to justify your actions and blame the other person for taking offense there really is no apology forthcoming -- which only makes the situation worse.

Was there a witty comeback to let this person know her lack of an apology did not go unnoticed? -- OFFENDED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR OFFENDED: I wouldn't call it "witty," but it's accurate: "That's right -- blame the victim!"

DEAR ABBY: I have been married nine years, but moved to my own apartment two months ago. I'm 35; my husband, "Art," is 51. Our marriage was fine until two years ago, when he became depressed over his job and we started fighting. He didn't want to do anything, including have sex, and he quit his job. I paid the bills until he started a new job, but he became depressed again. Then he started drinking. We talked, we cried and stormed. Art refused counseling and wouldn't stop drinking. Our fights were verbal, but I was afraid if I stayed they'd escalate and I'd be physically hurt. That's when I moved.

Art now has a job he likes. He has cut back on his drinking and is the sweet, loving man I married. He wants to reconcile. He says he was depressed and thinks the difference in our ages excuses the fact that I am sexual and he isn't -- and that I want to go places and do things, but he doesn't.

I am confused. I miss the "good" us. I love my husband and don't want anyone else, but I'm afraid to go back. If I give up my apartment and he gets depressed with his new job, I'll be in a situation I won't be able to get out of. On the one hand, I think we deserve another chance. On the other, I don't want to feel like I'm 100 years old when I'm only 35. Any advice would be appreciated. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: Agree to go back only after you and your husband have had at least six months of professional couples counseling. The combination of depression, drinking, your age difference and his chronic job dissatisfaction all need to be fully addressed, or your relationship will never be healed.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is addicted to her cell phone. Whenever we're out together it's impossible to converse with her because she always has one or two text conversations going on.

The first thing I hear in the morning is her phone buzzing, notifying her of an incoming text. The last thing I hear at night is her sending a good-night message to one of her friends. If no texts are coming in, she plays games on her phone even if we're watching TV or if company is over.

I have told her it's making me crazy, but she won't stop. The constant clicking drives me up the wall. I feel as though I have lost my wife to her phone. Am I being overly sensitive? What do I do? -- CLICK-CRAZY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CLICK-CRAZY: Your wife's behavior does appear to be obsessive. You need to figure out whether she's using her cell phone to avoid an intimate relationship with you, or whether she really has developed an addiction to the device. Because the "last thing you hear at night" isn't an affectionate comment directed to you, but rather something being "clicked" to a friend -- it may be the former.

To find out if she's addicted, offer her a challenge. Tell her you feel the cell phone is interfering with your relationship. If she denies it, suggest she stop using it. If she can't put it down for an agreed-upon period of time, persuade her in a loving way to admit she needs help. The good news is treatment is available for this kind of compulsive disorder once she has been diagnosed by a mental health professional.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Kent," and I enjoy entertaining. We often throw birthday parties for friends, as well as holiday parties and dinners and barbecues during the summer. The problem is, whenever we receive an invitation to attend a gathering at someone else's home, Kent responds with, "Ask them to come here." I think this is rude because our friends are just reciprocating.

This issue came up twice last week. When I asked Kent why he doesn't like to go to our friends' homes, he says he prefers to entertain in his own house. I don't think it is good manners to ask a host to move the party to our home.

Incidentally, when we do go, Kent always enjoys himself, so it's not social anxiety, and he's definitely not shy. Would you tell me if I'm making too much of this? -- EMBARRASSED IN ALASKA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't think so. While your husband's impulse to host the party might seem generous the first few times the offer is extended -- after a while the burden of gratitude can hang heavy and destroy friendships. That's why it is important for people to be able to reciprocate -- and for others to allow them to.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for four years. I told him I am ready to end our relationship if he isn't ready to get married within the next year.

Two months ago, he gave me a beautiful 2 1/2-carat diamond ring and announced to family and friends that we are engaged. He has not discussed any wedding plans, but he says the wedding will be within the time frame I am asking for.

I went to a jeweler today to have the band on my ring enlarged a bit and was told that my stone is not a real diamond. Abby, this man owns his own business and is wealthy! He spends thousands on golf trips every year and just spent a great deal of money on high-end house furnishings.

My head is spinning. I am embarrassed to tell anyone of this fraud. What is your take on this? Do I confront him? Am I fooling myself thinking that this man truly wants to marry me? -- DUMBFOUNDED OR JUST DUMB? IN FLORIDA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My "take" on this is that your fiance was trying to pull a fast one. If he would behave this way about your engagement ring, what else would he be less than honest about in the future?

Whether you "confront" him or not depends upon how you define the word. If it were me, I'd remain calm, tell him what I'd learned and how, listen to what he had to say and take my cue from that.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that a nice thing to do on Valentine's Day is to go to a veteran's hospital to visit the veterans who are there -- especially those from World War II, whose numbers are dwindling. The wards generally have parties going on for them. Try to attend. You'll find a group of very appreciative people there. -- SERVICE OFFICER, AMERICAN LEGION POST IN MAINE

DEAR OFFICER: Thank you for a terrific suggestion. Valentine's Day -- with all the marketing that goes with it -- can be one of the most depressing days of the year for singles. A sure way to keep the blues away is to do something nice for someone else. What you're proposing not only fits that category, but also provides a way to meet other generous-hearted people. What better way to spend this coming Sunday afternoon?