DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and live most of the year on my college campus. I'm on a full scholarship, so my parents are not paying my tuition. Most of my mail -- bank statements, etc. -- still goes to my parents' house since I don't have a permanent address.

For the last two years, my mother has opened my bank statement and read the entire thing. She then calls me and goes through all of my card charges and checks, and asks me to explain where I was and what I bought.

I have tried telling her that I am an adult and that what I buy is my business, but she continues to do this every month. When I explained that I am capable of managing my own finances, she told me she was just worried about me and that "a mother ALWAYS has the right to worry about her only child."

I understand she will always be concerned about my well-being, financial and otherwise, but this is taking it too far. How can I explain to her that it's not OK to invade my privacy? I know she means well, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it's really becoming a hassle. -- COLLEGE CO-ED IN WILLIAMSBURG, VA.

DEAR COLLEGE CO-ED: A mother may always have the right to worry, but she does not always have the right to snoop. Because you have already tried explaining to her that you feel what she's doing is an invasion of privacy and the message isn't getting through, it's time for you to open a post office box near the campus and have your mail sent there. It can be forwarded to you if you go home for the summers.

DEAR ABBY: After my mother died two years ago, my sisters and I divided up her household items, parceling out equally objects of material and sentimental value. One item, which went to my younger sister, "Beth," was a brightly colored handmade Native American rug our parents bought in the 1950s in Arizona. It had been displayed prominently for decades on a wall in the house where we three children grew up.

I visited Beth recently and was shocked to see that she had taken the rug out of storage and was using it as a floor rug in her family room. I shuddered to think of the damage that a daily trample by her three little kids, she and her husband and a sadly incontinent dog will do to this family treasure. I politely asked her to reconsider and find somewhere else to display it. If she couldn't, I offered to trade it for something of her choice from my parcel of the family possessions.

Beth took offense, reminding me that it is, after all, a rug, and that it now belongs to her. Emphasizing that her small house has limited wall space, she implied that I was trying to get the rug for myself. She feels my desire to see it displayed is no more valid than hers to see it used. Am I wrong in thinking she should not trash this heirloom? -- SENTIMENTAL IN HARTFORD, CONN.

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: The rug belongs to your sister, to do with as she pleases. HOWEVER, her Native American rug purchased in the 1950s could be extremely valuable. Has your sister had it appraised? If not, I am urging you to tell her to have it done, because it could pay for a year or two of one of her children's college education.

DEAR ABBY: "Katy" and I are in a loving relationship but have an ongoing argument in our home. Katy always sets the alarm clock for an hour before it's time to get up -- then hits the "snooze" button five times before actually dragging herself out of bed (which is usually even later).

Because I am a light sleeper, I'm forced to listen to the alarm clock and end up waking up earlier than I'd like. Can you please offer a solution? -- SLEEPLESS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Earplugs for you. A cold foot on the behind for Katy.

DEAR ABBY: "49 and Holding" (Dec. 5), who doesn't want her daughter to give her a 50th birthday party, needs to grow up and learn to celebrate life instead of hiding from the fact that she's growing older. She is aging because she's alive -- and what a blessing that is.

I lived through the worst years of the AIDS epidemic and witnessed the deaths of more than 200 friends -- all of whom would have loved to celebrate a 50th birthday. My mother died at 82 and was grateful for every year, as am I.

Life's milestones warrant a party. Those who don't want to celebrate life and the birthdays that come with it should consider the alternative. -- BRUCE C., ATLANTA

DEAR BRUCE: My readers agreed that "Holding" should quit whining and enjoy life because everyone isn't so fortunate. Growing old is a gift, and it sure does beat the alternative! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Sorry, 50 is NOT the new 30. Fifty is 50! One of the reasons "Holding" may have issues with aging is this obsession with youth. Youth is definitely transitory, but that doesn't mean one's health, beauty and vibrancy vanish. "Holding" has every right to feel as she does, but I hope she won't continue sitting on the sidelines of life.

By the way, I'll be celebrating my 51st birthday in a few days. My daughter is taking me to Las Vegas to paint the town ... not red (too youthful) but crimson. You definitely DO get better as you age! -- JACQUELINE W., CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I admit that I felt much as "Holding" did until my sister told me that, for her, turning 50 was an exceptionally freeing experience. It's true. At that age, I realized I wasn't going to be the CEO of the company I worked for, that I had a job I enjoyed, that my family was there for me in whatever I chose to pursue, and that there were places on this planet I wanted to visit (and have). I have found it difficult finding a downside to being 50.

Age is in your head, Abby. I've met 10-year-olds who are eons past 50, and 70-year-olds who are as curious, inquisitive and active as people far younger. So I say, go for it proudly. -- PAST 50 AND FABULOUS

DEAR ABBY: Everyone regards aging differently, but why be depressed over something you can't control? When I turned 50, I decided I could either be depressed and drink myself silly or celebrate the milestone.

I declared to my family, friends and co-workers that it was my year and my goal was to do 50 things I had never done before -- or hadn't done in a long time. I reconnected with neglected friends, went on my first cruise, stayed in a haunted hotel. While I didn't quite make it to 50 things (I made it to 30), it was fun trying, and everyone had a blast in the process. -- 50-PLUS AND DEALING WITH IT

DEAR ABBY: At 36 I was diagnosed with cancer. My son was only 5. As radiation treatments pulsed through my body in the hope of giving me more life, I wondered if those would be his last memories of me.

Fast forward 13 years. I am 49 and holding -- with one major difference. I look forward to each and every birthday. In a few months, I'll turn 50. And do you know what looks even better than my 50th birthday? My 60th!

Birthdays are a celebration of life, a reminder that we have the good fortune to be with the people who mean the most to us. -- THANKFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DAY

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was 6, and my father remarried when I was 8. My father got custody of my brother and me. A year later, my half-sister was born and that's when my stepmother began physically and mentally abusing me.

My brother told family members about the abuse, but nothing was done. My father didn't believe us kids. The abuse finally ended when my grandparents -- my mother's parents -- saw the marks on my body and took me to an attorney. My mother got custody of me when I was 12.

My half-sister, "Liz," was only 4 when I left, so we were never close growing up. I'm now in my early 40s. Last summer, while I was visiting family, I went shopping with Liz and her daughter. Tired of all the secrets, I told her the reason I left when she was little. It came as a shock to her because her mother had never abused her.

Now my father and brother are mad at me for telling. My brother even told Liz it wasn't true to "protect" her. Was I wrong for disclosing something that happened long ago? The memories are still fresh after all these years, and doesn't it send a message to protect the abuser? -- TIRED OF SECRETS, CORONA, CALIF.

DEAR TIRED OF SECRETS: What your stepmother did was disgraceful, but you were wrong to try to exact revenge through her daughter. All it could do was cause your half-sister pain. As to your brother accusing you of lying after having revealed the truth -- that was wrong, too, because it victimized you twice.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man I'll call "Tom" for a year. Tom is attentive, caring, funny, self-sufficient and comes from a great family. In short, he's everything a woman says she wants.

So why do I still constantly look at other men? I always worry that there's someone better-suited to me and that I'm just settling. Tom is definitely the best man I've ever met, and he would make a wonderful husband and father one day. So, how do I learn to appreciate what I have instead of always seeking something better, which very well may not exist? -- WANDERING EYE IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR WANDERING EYE: Tom may be everything a woman says she wants, but your intuition may be telling you that he isn't what YOU want. Ask yourself what quality Tom is lacking that causes you to constantly look at other men with an eye to trading up, because until you figure that out, you will never be satisfied.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who has recently started a career in local government. In my position, I am often invited to functions with federal, state and local officials. On more than one occasion, "royalty" has attended as well.

At these events, I am often introduced to officials or dignitaries after I am already seated. Should I stand when introduced as the men do, or as a lady, should I remain seated? I have watched other women, including a few old "pros," and the results are split. Can you please tell me what is proper and respectful in these situations? -- PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED IN INDIANA

DEAR PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED: Standing when introduced is considered a sign of respect, so when in doubt, stand up.