DEAR ABBY: "49 and Holding" (Dec. 5), who doesn't want her daughter to give her a 50th birthday party, needs to grow up and learn to celebrate life instead of hiding from the fact that she's growing older. She is aging because she's alive -- and what a blessing that is.

I lived through the worst years of the AIDS epidemic and witnessed the deaths of more than 200 friends -- all of whom would have loved to celebrate a 50th birthday. My mother died at 82 and was grateful for every year, as am I.

Life's milestones warrant a party. Those who don't want to celebrate life and the birthdays that come with it should consider the alternative. -- BRUCE C., ATLANTA

DEAR BRUCE: My readers agreed that "Holding" should quit whining and enjoy life because everyone isn't so fortunate. Growing old is a gift, and it sure does beat the alternative! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Sorry, 50 is NOT the new 30. Fifty is 50! One of the reasons "Holding" may have issues with aging is this obsession with youth. Youth is definitely transitory, but that doesn't mean one's health, beauty and vibrancy vanish. "Holding" has every right to feel as she does, but I hope she won't continue sitting on the sidelines of life.

By the way, I'll be celebrating my 51st birthday in a few days. My daughter is taking me to Las Vegas to paint the town ... not red (too youthful) but crimson. You definitely DO get better as you age! -- JACQUELINE W., CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I admit that I felt much as "Holding" did until my sister told me that, for her, turning 50 was an exceptionally freeing experience. It's true. At that age, I realized I wasn't going to be the CEO of the company I worked for, that I had a job I enjoyed, that my family was there for me in whatever I chose to pursue, and that there were places on this planet I wanted to visit (and have). I have found it difficult finding a downside to being 50.

Age is in your head, Abby. I've met 10-year-olds who are eons past 50, and 70-year-olds who are as curious, inquisitive and active as people far younger. So I say, go for it proudly. -- PAST 50 AND FABULOUS

DEAR ABBY: Everyone regards aging differently, but why be depressed over something you can't control? When I turned 50, I decided I could either be depressed and drink myself silly or celebrate the milestone.

I declared to my family, friends and co-workers that it was my year and my goal was to do 50 things I had never done before -- or hadn't done in a long time. I reconnected with neglected friends, went on my first cruise, stayed in a haunted hotel. While I didn't quite make it to 50 things (I made it to 30), it was fun trying, and everyone had a blast in the process. -- 50-PLUS AND DEALING WITH IT

DEAR ABBY: At 36 I was diagnosed with cancer. My son was only 5. As radiation treatments pulsed through my body in the hope of giving me more life, I wondered if those would be his last memories of me.

Fast forward 13 years. I am 49 and holding -- with one major difference. I look forward to each and every birthday. In a few months, I'll turn 50. And do you know what looks even better than my 50th birthday? My 60th!

Birthdays are a celebration of life, a reminder that we have the good fortune to be with the people who mean the most to us. -- THANKFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY DAY

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was 6, and my father remarried when I was 8. My father got custody of my brother and me. A year later, my half-sister was born and that's when my stepmother began physically and mentally abusing me.

My brother told family members about the abuse, but nothing was done. My father didn't believe us kids. The abuse finally ended when my grandparents -- my mother's parents -- saw the marks on my body and took me to an attorney. My mother got custody of me when I was 12.

My half-sister, "Liz," was only 4 when I left, so we were never close growing up. I'm now in my early 40s. Last summer, while I was visiting family, I went shopping with Liz and her daughter. Tired of all the secrets, I told her the reason I left when she was little. It came as a shock to her because her mother had never abused her.

Now my father and brother are mad at me for telling. My brother even told Liz it wasn't true to "protect" her. Was I wrong for disclosing something that happened long ago? The memories are still fresh after all these years, and doesn't it send a message to protect the abuser? -- TIRED OF SECRETS, CORONA, CALIF.

DEAR TIRED OF SECRETS: What your stepmother did was disgraceful, but you were wrong to try to exact revenge through her daughter. All it could do was cause your half-sister pain. As to your brother accusing you of lying after having revealed the truth -- that was wrong, too, because it victimized you twice.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man I'll call "Tom" for a year. Tom is attentive, caring, funny, self-sufficient and comes from a great family. In short, he's everything a woman says she wants.

So why do I still constantly look at other men? I always worry that there's someone better-suited to me and that I'm just settling. Tom is definitely the best man I've ever met, and he would make a wonderful husband and father one day. So, how do I learn to appreciate what I have instead of always seeking something better, which very well may not exist? -- WANDERING EYE IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR WANDERING EYE: Tom may be everything a woman says she wants, but your intuition may be telling you that he isn't what YOU want. Ask yourself what quality Tom is lacking that causes you to constantly look at other men with an eye to trading up, because until you figure that out, you will never be satisfied.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who has recently started a career in local government. In my position, I am often invited to functions with federal, state and local officials. On more than one occasion, "royalty" has attended as well.

At these events, I am often introduced to officials or dignitaries after I am already seated. Should I stand when introduced as the men do, or as a lady, should I remain seated? I have watched other women, including a few old "pros," and the results are split. Can you please tell me what is proper and respectful in these situations? -- PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED IN INDIANA

DEAR PROTOCOL-CHALLENGED: Standing when introduced is considered a sign of respect, so when in doubt, stand up.

DEAR ABBY: When my three sons were small, I used to kiss them on the lips as a sign of affection. Now they are 13, 11 and 8, and it has been several years since I have done it. With the youngest, I can still get away with an occasional peck on the cheek -- but not my older boys.

My family roots are Scandinavian. Growing up, I used to hate that we rarely showed our emotions. I vowed to be different, but now I'm afraid I have fallen into the same nondemonstrative pattern.

As a single dad who tries hard to lead by example, how do I reintroduce this healthy demonstration of love? -- DEMONSTRATIVE DAD, LAGUNA, CALIF.

DEAR DAD: Your older boys may be less affectionate because they're a teenager and a pre-teen and concerned that kissing you would appear unmasculine or childish. It's possible that when they're older they will realize the importance of expressing warm emotions as you did.

Talk to your sons. Tell them you miss the demonstrations of affection and that while growing up you felt your family had missed out on something important. Many families are extremely affectionate, and in many cultures demonstrations of affection between males is the norm.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an active senior citizen, very involved in my community. Because I understand how important it is to stay technologically up-to-date and not be buried in "the way it was," I use a cell phone and am somewhat computer literate. But I have reached my limit of patience with the extreme dependence on cell phones on the part of my family as well as others.

It's increasingly hard to have a simple visit or dinner without constant interruption, to the point of rudeness. What has happened to us that we can't spend time together without injecting an "Oops! Need to take this call ..."

Abby, how about making a helpful list of courtesy rules to share with your readers? -- GRANDMA JOY IN RICHLAND, MISS.

DEAR GRANDMA JOY: There is really just one "rule," and it's longstanding: When carrying on a conversation -- or sharing a meal -- give your companion your undivided attention. Taking a phone call and allowing yourself to be interrupted sends a message that the person you are with is less important than the caller.

The only exceptions to this I can think of would be an emergency call from a family member, baby-sitter or employer -- or if the person being called was a doctor. Or bail bondsman.

DEAR ABBY: My extended family has frequent birthday parties, usually on Sundays. My sister-in-law recently changed jobs so she is no longer able to attend. She sends empty containers along with my brother so he can take home leftovers for her.

If we go out to a restaurant, she has him order a meal to take home. (Our mother picks up the bill.)

Personally, I think what my sister-in-law is doing is rude. Is this something new? -- LAURIE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR LAURIE: It is not unusual for family members to take leftovers home from a house party if someone can't attend. But to expect a host to pay for a takeout dinner from a restaurant for a guest who did not attend is, in my opinion, presumptuous.