DEAR ABBY: When my partner and I eat at a restaurant, the server often clears my partner's plate before I am finished. I am not a slow eater, but I generally finish after she does.

When the server removes her plate, I'm left feeling like I have to rush to finish my meal and that our "shared dinner time" is over.

Am I wrong to feel that it's rude to take away the dishes before everyone at the table is done? As a hostess at home, I wait until the entire table is finished eating before I clear. On the other hand, just about every place where we eat out does this, so maybe I should get used to it. What do you think? -- SUE IN GLOUCESTER, MASS.

DEAR SUE: Here in the United States, it is common for servers to take the empty plates from the table. In Europe, diners often linger over a meal, enjoying coffee -- a liqueur, perhaps -- and good conversation.

How does your partner feel about having her plate cleared? If she would prefer that it remain while you finish your dinner, all she needs to do is say to the server, "Please leave it until Sue is done." If she's unwilling to do that, then I think you'll have to get used to it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance died three years ago of cancer. He was only 27. His diagnosis was a shock, and he was gone from complications of treatment barely a month later.

Prior to this, while planning our life together, I became close with his family. After his death, I don't know what I'd have done if they hadn't been there for me. Although many people sympathized, my almost-in-laws came closest to understanding my devastation and pain. Simply put, we helped each other through it.

We remain close to this day. I spend time with his mom and sisters, am invited to birthday dinners and holidays, and we get together on his birthday and the anniversary of his passing.

Is this OK? Is it normal? When people hear that we're still so close, I have had reactions from, "That's wonderful!" to "You're holding onto the past." Although there are still some tears, there is now more laughter when we share memories. And I have begun dating again.

I don't feel that by preserving our relationship we are stuck in the past. Do you? -- DOUBTING IN WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR DOUBTING: There are degrees of involvement. You came very close to being an official member of that family, but fate thought otherwise. Whether your ties remain as tight when you fall in love again remains to be seen. But for now you are all meeting each other's needs -- and as long as it doesn't hold you back, it's all right with me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married four years ago. My oldest daughter dates my husband's brother and they're expecting a baby together, although they are not married.

Can you please tell me what this child should call me, my husband and our other children? We're confused about it and don't want the child to be confused about who's who. Any help you can offer on this will be greatly appreciated. -- TAMI IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TAMI: You are the baby's biological grandmother, and your husband is the baby's biological uncle and step-grandfather. Your children are going to be aunts or uncles. Congratulations to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: My parents just aren't "there" for me anymore. I need to be able to go to them for advice, but now I can't. They get mad when I ask them for help on anything. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I mean, I cook, clean, help around the house, but it doesn't seem to help.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my parents, but they get mad so easily. I'm not sure if it's because they're aging -- they are 44 and 46 -- or if it's something I have done. I also feel like they aren't being fair to me because my siblings, who are younger AND older than I am, get more privileges than I do.

I just want a better relationship with my parents, the kind I had when I was younger. I mean, I haven't changed. (I only changed fashions. Like, I dress better and stuff.) Oh, and in case you're wondering, my parents don't drink or smoke.

So how do I talk to them in a way they will understand and consider thinking about my feelings without getting mad? -- ANONYMOUS TEEN, PASCO, WASH.

DEAR TEEN: You may not be doing anything wrong. Many adults are under pressure in the workplace and/or financially -- which can make them appear to be short-tempered and distracted. Your parents may also be trying to encourage you to think independently or be less reliant on them for advice. Maybe you should ask your parents what's wrong.

I don't know them, but at 44 and 46, I am sure their problem isn't "aging" because they are in the prime of their lives. However, if their problem is stress-related, the next time you want to discuss something serious, try it about an hour after dinner when they are relaxed and not distracted, and you may have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a concert in the hall that is home to our local symphony orchestra. Imagine my dismay when the couple sitting behind me proceeded to unwrap candy, then crumple up and throw the wrappers on the floor.

It was, to say the least, distracting -- and leaving the wrappers on the floor was low class. For pity's sake, folks, clean up after yourselves!

In this age of food allergies, eating peanut butter snacks in a crowded concert hall seems a doubly poor choice. Abby, would you please remind your readers to remember their manners during a live performance? -- APPALLED IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: Your frustration is understandable, and I hope your letter will serve as a reminder to concert- and theatergoers not to check their manners with their overcoats at the door.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old, married Marine and expecting my first bundle of joy. I'm depressed. My job stresses me out a lot, and the thought of having to put my newborn in day care 10-plus hours a day is killing me.

I have been thinking about trying to get out so I can raise my child. My husband intends to stay in the service for life. Being stationed so far from home, I have no help and know little about raising a child. So I'm trying to figure out -- should I stay or try to get out? -- MILITARY MOM-TO-BE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MILITARY MOM-TO-BE: Only you can make that decision, but before you do, there are two individuals I'm advising you to consult: The first is the officer in charge of your unit, and the second is your chaplain.

DEAR ABBY: My 31-year-old son, "Joey," who needs a heart transplant, almost died a few weeks ago. The doctors told us he wouldn't make it through the weekend. I was beside myself. On what we thought was his deathbed, I told Joey I would give him anything he wanted if he pulled through. He wanted a very expensive sports car.

Well, my son pulled through, but has other physical challenges. My husband and I are sending him $500 a month until he starts receiving money from Social Security. It's the best we can do right now. The problem is, Joey keeps hounding me about the sports car. I cannot afford this gift. We have offered to have his current vehicle reconditioned or give him my year-old car with its very low mileage.

I do not want this to become an issue with my son. I have told him his heart condition is the priority and to let everything else fall into place. It's eating me alive that I can't give my son what I promised. On the other hand, his request is unreasonable. Please help. -- JOEY'S MOM IN LAS CRUCES

DEAR MOM: Unless you put a stop to it now, this WILL become an issue with your son. Surely he is in touch enough with reality that he knows your financial situation -- and if he doesn't, please inform him. While you're at it, explain that when you thought he was on his deathbed, you were out of your mind with grief -- and you can't be held to a promise made under such duress. At $500 a month, you can hardly be accused of being a withholding parent, so stop beating yourself up.

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old daughter, "Crystal," has been engaged to her boyfriend, "Aaron," for several months. When she was here recently I asked her to clean out some of the stuff from under her bed and in her closet. She proceeded to throw out her yearbooks, photos from high school dances -- even old journals!

It seems she had an unpleasant experience with Aaron when a roommate mentioned an old friend of hers -- a boy, but not a boyfriend. Aaron became very "hurt" by the conversation. So now Crystal wants no reminders of her past -- especially regarding other boys.

Is this normal? I don't know what to do. I wonder whether they need counseling before they marry, but I don't want to interfere. My daughter becomes angry with me over little things. She even ignored us when we asked her to come celebrate her brother's birthday. She just wants to be with her true love; nobody else seems to matter. -- A WORRIED MOM

DEAR MOM: Your idea of premarital counseling is an excellent one. Aaron appears to be extremely insecure, and your daughter is so in love she can't see the handwriting on the wall. When you invited her to celebrate her brother's birthday, did you also include her fiance? If so, and she still didn't want to come, Aaron may be trying to distance her from the family.

Assuming that Crystal intends to be married in your church, have a talk with your clergyperson about this. If there is a problem looming on the horizon, premarital counseling may bring it out -- and help them to deal with it before it gets out of hand.