life

Chatty Churchgoers Disrupt Sanctuary's Air of Reverence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday, I attended a church service, and the woman and her adult daughter seated behind me would not shut their mouths. All I could hear was the two of them catching up on the week's gossip. The 5-year-old granddaughter also talked the whole time.

I scooted as far over in the pew as possible to avoid hearing the conversation.

I go to church for peace, quiet and reflection, and it's frustrating to hear constant chatter. I'm glad they come to church, but I wish their idea of "fellowship" extended beyond visiting with each other.

Would it be rude to turn around and ask these people to be quiet? -- PRAYING FOR SILENCE, MOUNT VERNON, OHIO

DEAR PRAYING: No. How else will they know they're creating a distraction? This happens in other venues besides church, and by that I'm referring to movie theaters and theaters where actors are performing. It's not only rude and thoughtless, but can be infuriating.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a guy, "Ryan," I like very much. He invites me to his family's house for dinner often, and this is where the problem lies.

I eat everything his mom cooks for us and I thank her for it, but she constantly tries to get me to eat more. It has reached the point where she flat-out tells me, "You need to eat more of my food. You didn't have a large enough serving." Even though I am already full, I wind up stuffing myself because I feel guilty, and then I'm uncomfortable.

I don't want to eat there anymore to avoid overeating or making Ryan's mom feel bad. However, I know it means a lot to him that I go. How should I handle her constant badgering? -- STUFFED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STUFFED: Ryan's mother may be well-meaning, but a polite hostess does not pressure a guest in her home the way she does. Have a private chat with Ryan. Tell him plainly how uncomfortable his mother's badgering makes you feel. If he can't put a stop to it, the next time his mother gives you a hard time, try this: Tell her you are stuffed and ask if you can please take home a doggie bag because her cooking is so delicious.

life

Dear Abby for January 23, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was poking around your Web site recently, and while looking through the archives I read your columns featuring names for people in various professions like the urologist named Dr. Leake and the dentist named Dr. Payne.

I have a suggestion for a fun sequel: How about a list of appropriate car models for different professions -- real or made up? I'll offer a few: The president of American Express driving a Dodge Charger, or an airline pilot driving a Honda Pilot, and -- of course -- the proctologist who travels everywhere in his Ford Probe.

I'll bet your readers can come up with a bunch. -- JAMES H., LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR JAMES H.: I'm sure they're up to the challenge. Allow me to suggest a few: The tailor driving a Dodge Dart, the estate planner behind the wheel of his Subaru Legacy and, of course, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in their matching Volkswagen Beatles.

life

Daughter of Murdered Man Rejoices in Holiday Miracle

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2010 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you in October and received your personal reply. I'm the girl whose dad was murdered, and I was looking for a support group. You referred me to the National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, which provides mutual support to persons who have survived the violent death of someone close (www.pomc.org).

I have a little "upper" for you now. We all know about the letters you have printed about Pennies from Heaven, but I don't know if there ever has been one like this.

My dad always wore a gold cross around his neck. He never, ever took it off, so naturally I asked the funeral director to have him shown in it but asked that it be removed before the burial.

Well, lo and behold, it was nowhere to be found. So we called everywhere we could think of to locate it and ended up thinking that somewhere along the way from his being killed, taken to the ER, to autopsy, to the funeral home, it had been lost forever.

A few days before Christmas, we found it! It was in a box of pennies my dad had collected. He must have taken it off before he left that night because he had been seen in it earlier that day.

We all believe in miracles, and this is my very own Christmas miracle. Thank you, Abby, for everything you do for so many of us who are suffering. I love you. -- SARAH

DEAR SARAH: Thank you for your kind letter. It touched my heart as I know it will the hearts of my readers. I don't know when your father removed his cross, but take comfort in knowing he left it to bring you solace, and I hope that it serves its purpose. I love you, too.

life

Dear Abby for January 22, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2010 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have a great job working with people I enjoy, and probably the coolest boss in the world. There is just one little problem. He keeps asking me to go out with his daughter.

She is a wonderful person, smart and absolutely beautiful -- but she is also recently divorced. I'm afraid I would just be the "in-between" guy for her -- a stepping-stone to her recovery. In other words, whatever happens would be at my expense.

How can I politely tell my boss that I cannot date his daughter? -- REALIST IN UTAH

DEAR REALIST: Tell him you are flattered, that you think his daughter is smart and absolutely beautiful and a wonderful person. Then tell him you know how painful a divorce can be and you would prefer to wait until she is emotionally back on her feet and has gotten her bearings before inviting her out.

Do not completely reject the idea because in six months or a year, if she is still available, you may change your mind.

life

Dear Abby for January 22, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2010 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a dispute with my husband. He thinks that you screw in a lightbulb clockwise. I disagree. I say counter-clockwise. Which of us is correct? -- ERIKA IN PELHAM, ALA.

DEAR ERIKA: He is. You screw in a lightbulb by turning it to the right, the same way you tighten the lid on a jar -- which is clockwise. The mnemonic for this is: "Right is tight; left is loose."

life

Dear Abby for January 22, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2010 | Letter 4 of 4

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

life

Men Find Plenty to Love in Big, Beautiful Women

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 21st, 2010

DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me in Massachusetts" (Nov. 20) is a large girl whose mother told her "heavy women are not desirable." Well, I was a size 18/20 and weighed more than 200 pounds when I met my husband while out with mutual friends. He's good-looking, smart, witty, affectionate and passionate. He's everything a woman looks for in a life partner.

He had never dated a plus-size woman before, but he was smitten from the moment he saw me, and pursued me from the start because he thought I have a beautiful face and a great personality. We have one child and another on the way, and he finds me as appealing now as he did the night we met.

No woman should ever "settle" for a partner, and "Happy" should not do so just because her mother thinks she's "too heavy." That mother is trying to pass her low self-esteem issues along to her daughter, and I hope "Happy" is savvy enough to brush it off. Big girls can be sexy, too, because there's nothing sexier than confidence. -- MICHELLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MICHELLE: The letters of encouragement in support of "Happy" have far outweighed her mother's negative stance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me" needs to know that there are men like me who prefer plus-size women. My wife weighs 275 pounds, and I think she's gorgeous. "Happy" just needs to put herself out there, and one of us will find her. -- HAPPY WITH MY LARGE LADY

DEAR ABBY: I met my first husband when I wore a much smaller size. As the years went on, my size increased. He ended up leaving me for a smaller girl.

After our split, I moved home and the first words out of my mother's mouth were, "You need to work on yourself because you're not going to find someone new looking like you do." It was extremely hurtful, but beyond that, it was WRONG.

Less than a year after my divorce, I was in a healthy relationship with a man who loved me for myself. We married, have a baby and are living happily ever after. The size of my jeans has never mattered to my hubby -- only the size of my heart. -- BIG JEANS, BIGGER HEART

DEAR ABBY: In the past, I admit I was one of those men who wouldn't look twice at a large girl. Then I met my wife. She wasn't exactly petite, but it didn't matter. She truly is the girl of my dreams.

We have both gained some weight over the years, but size really doesn't matter. "Happy's" mother is wrong. The right woman can always find the right man. -- LUCKY MAN IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ABBY: I attend dances every month that support women of size. I met my dream man at one of them a few months ago. He is kind, supportive, handsome and loves my body. (And I love his!)

Because society says that a larger woman isn't attractive doesn't mean EVERYONE thinks so. When I started going to functions for plus-sized women at the age of 26, I found a whole new world where I was accepted and welcomed.

"Happy" should get on to her Web browser and look for "Big Beautiful Women" groups in her area. Love is out there -- for ALL body types. -- LARGE AND IN LOVE

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is big, wonderful and loving, made me appreciate large women. My wife was small in high school and "blossomed" later. I love my "big gal wife" and support her in every way possible. If she wants to change her appearance, then I want her to do it for herself. And if she's happy the way she is, I'm OK with that, too. "Happy Being Me" just needs to be confident in her own skin and she will find "Mr. Right," not "Mr. Right Now." -- BRIAN IN WISCONSIN

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