DEAR ABBY: I have been working at my current job for a couple of years. One of my co-workers, who is in another department and who I see a couple of times a week, calls me "Sue." My name is "Joyce."

He has been doing this for some time and I don't know how to correct him without embarrassing him. Any suggestions? -- POLITE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR POLITE: Try this. Tell him you have changed your name to Joyce -- that others are now using it and you'd appreciate it if he would, too. If he asks you the reason for the name change, say it's because all your life you have felt more like a Joyce than a Sue. (It's true.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy, "Omar," for eight months. He is considerate, compassionate, affectionate, intelligent and worldly. He's a good father and has a great sense of humor. Omar is any woman's dream, but I am not physically attracted to him. There's no chemistry, no electricity -- zilch!

I have tried to persevere, hoping my feelings would change. I feel like the woman who says she wants a good guy until she finds one.

I have struggled with why I don't have feelings for Omar. He adores me, but all I feel toward him is friendship. I have tried forcing myself, but at my age I want someone who is sexy, someone I can fall passionately in love with. Omar and I have wonderful times together, but I'm not receptive to his advances.

Should I keep trying, hoping things will change? Is 53 too old to still feel "gaga" over someone? -- SEARCHING FOR MORE IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR SEARCHING: Heck no! And I say that from personal experience.

Now, ask yourself how you would feel if you discovered that Omar wasn't really the person he has presented himself to be. Well, that's how this man will feel if you continue "faking it." Please stop giving him false hope where there isn't any. Level with him. He's the ideal man for someone else, and your Mr. Right may be just around the corner.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is 92. He has led an accomplished and rewarding life. He is also a careful man, concerned about posterity and he has written his own eulogy.

When he passes, I plan to offer some warm and loving remarks. Because he has already written his eulogy, would it be in poor taste to send him my remarks now to let him know how I feel about him? -- LOVING SON-IN-LAW IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOVING S-I-L: Not at all. When you do, send him a cover note saying, "I know you have written your eulogy, but I thought you might be interested to read what someone else has to say on the subject when that sad time comes. After all, the time to offer a compliment is when the recipient is around to enjoy it. Love, ..."

P.S. Don't be surprised if he sends it back with some suggested edits.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of civil rights martyr the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Sadly, he didn't live to see our first African-American president elected -- but I'm sure he's smiling. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: After an on-again off-again affair with a married man for almost 10 years, our relationship finally ended today.

During the time we "messed around," I lost most of my friends because we socialized in the same circles, and I felt ashamed of what I was doing, so I stopped going around with any of them. So here I sit, lonely and embarrassed.

How do I explain to people I meet why I don't have many friends? I know time heals, and I need to focus on the good things in my life and move forward, but I feel isolated and stupid.

I never asked him to leave his wife nor did he promise he would. It was just a one-night stand that went on way too long. I did have relationships in between, but I'd always go back to him.

Can you please give me some suggestions on how to rebuild my self-esteem and learn to love myself again? -- KICKING MYSELF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KICKING YOURSELF: Gladly. A giant step in the right direction would be to stop kicking yourself because you appear to be plenty bruised already. Then, instead of isolating yourself, get out and get busy: Join a gym. Scout out organizations where you can volunteer.

No one will know whether you have dozens of friends or only a few -- and don't volunteer the information because it's no one's business.

Take a class or two. Join a church if you feel you need spiritual guidance. And make a vow never to involve yourself with a married man again.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a veterinarian, and I would appreciate it if you would please print some "tips" for pet owners to make their visits go more smoothly.

1. When you call for an appointment, please give us YOUR name. Do not say, "This is Fluffy's mother," because we care for 23 cute, cuddly cats named Fluffy and also a couple of Pomeranians.

2. Always have your dog on a leash and your cat in a cat carrier. If you don't own one, place him/her in a cardboard box taped firmly shut. Cats are more secure in an enclosed space, so it will be calmer during the visit. Loose cats can bolt at the sight of a strange person or pet and become injured, or even dash out an open door.

3. Please do not bring your other pets along "for company." It is distracting for you and also for the pet who is being seen. Also, it's important that you be able to fully concentrate on everything the doctor has to say.

4. Please do NOT offer advice to others who are waiting.

5. DO ask us about anything you're curious or worried about. We have heard it all and won't be shocked, embarrassed or think you are "dumb." It is our job to make sure you are comfortable and knowledgeable about your pet. Feel free to tell us the funny thing he did this week, or how she comforted you. We love to hear about our "patients." -- FRONT DESK LADY

DEAR LADY: I hope my readers with pets will take your intelligent suggestions to heart. And I'm betting that your list of "tips" will be posted in veterinary practices far and wide. Thank you for sending them.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY: "My divorce was messy because there was a child involved. My husband." (Wendy Liebman)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jana," and I have been married 15 years. She's the love of my life. I can't imagine living without her. We have three beautiful children, successful careers and a nice home. We have a great relationship, and I trust her completely.

Before we dated, Jana ran with a fast crowd. She was also somewhat promiscuous back then. Don't get me wrong, there are things from my past that I'm not proud of, either. But it bothers me that her "adventures" exceeded mine.

We went to Jana's class reunion last fall, and I met several friends from her past. Each guy I met, I couldn't help but wonder if he had slept with my wife. I know about some of her old boyfriends, but not all.

I think Jana knows this bothered me, but she doesn't know how much. I literally became nauseated thinking about her past. After almost 20 years of dating and marriage, I thought I'd be over it. Should I press her for more details or just live with the knots in my stomach? -- CURIOUS GEORGE IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR GEORGE: Neither. After 20 years of dating and marriage, it's time to grow up. You have a happy, successful marriage -- so why are you wasting time obsessing about the distant past? If you have digestive problems, discuss them with your doctor or a therapist. But to ask your wife for a scorecard at this late date will be counterproductive, and I doubt that it will fix what ails you. And in the future -- skip the reunions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who attends a private middle school. When I go to school, I see girls my age wearing a little bit of makeup. When I try to sneak off to school with a little bit on my face, my parents wipe it off and say I'm beautiful just the way I am, although I disagree.

Abby, I will be 13 next month! I'm absolutely positive that I can handle makeup without going overboard. But when I say it to my parents, they still forbid me to wear or buy any. How do I convince them that I'm mature enough to handle this? -- NOT IMMATURE IN NYC

DEAR NOT IMMATURE: Your parents regard you as their little girl and may be hoping to keep you that way for another year. One of the hallmarks of maturity is being honest with your parents. If you want to convince them that you're mature enough to handle makeup, perhaps you should consider not sneaking out of the house wearing any. Prove to them that you can be trusted, and they'll have faith in your judgment -- and I'm not just talking about makeup.

DEAR ABBY: I have been arguing with my husband over something, and I hope you can settle it once and for all. When he gets out of the shower, he leaves the curtain open. I prefer to keep it closed because I think it looks nicer to see a closed shower curtain in the bathroom.

My husband insists it should stay open to make sure the tub dries. I think the tub will dry regardless, since the air can flow over the curtain rod, and the curtain will become moldy if it's all scrunched up. Who is right? -- STEAMY IN TEXAS

DEAR STEAMY: I did some checking, and was told by a major hotel chain that its housekeeping staff leaves the shower curtains pushed to the side (open) so air can flow through. However, those curtains are laundered frequently.

I also contacted the bed and bath department of a national department store chain, and the manager suggested leaving the curtain halfway open in the middle of the shower -- open at both ends -- to allow the air to circulate.

That may be a satisfying compromise to both of you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)