DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and have been a vegetarian for five years. I am trying to develop a thick skin when it comes to people who question or make fun of my choice, but I'm tired of laughing and letting the comments "roll off" my back.

When my grandfather sits near me at a family event, he will analyze my plate, look at me in disgust and then tell me, "Carrots have feelings, too."

When I go to a well-known sandwich shop, I order a basic and "boring" sandwich, which I really enjoy. The sandwich makers give me funny looks and ask, "That's all?" or, "You're spending five bucks on THIS?" followed by laughter or a shake of their heads. One even asked me if I was crazy!

I am tired of people questioning what I eat or what kind of sandwich I choose to spend my money on. I don't make comments or question those who eat meat. What is the best response to people who are so rude about my choices? -- HERBIVORE BY CHOICE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HERB: Sorry, there is no one-size-fits-all snappy one-liner. But take comfort in the fact that a growing number of people are choosing to avoid meat and poultry not only for the ethical reasons, but also because they prefer to avoid the hormones and antibiotics used in the production of these food products.

When someone comments or questions you, it's important to consider the source as well as the intent behind the remarks. Your grandfather may be trying to be humorous -- or he may be showing concern because he comes from a generation that didn't learn there can be benefits from a vegetarian diet. Because he's getting under your skin, rather than take the bait, sit next to some other relatives at family events.

As to the employee at the sandwich shop -- the person may be trying to "sell you up." After all, the more ingredients in your sandwich, the more expensive it will be. I completely agree that ridiculing a customer is not only bad manners but also bad for business -- and the next time it happens, do not hesitate to complain about it to the manager.

DEAR ABBY: For the last three years I have been dating a woman who, 15 years ago, divorced an Army colonel after 20 years of marriage. She loved the prestige of being an officer's wife.

There always seems to be a reason why she must mention her ex, no matter what the topic is. I finally told her it seemed like she missed him. Now, instead of saying his name, she says, "When we were in Germany, we did this ..." or, "When we lived in Idaho we used to ..." No matter what I say, she never fails to find a way to tell a story about life with her ex.

I am an Army vet and I cannot mention anything about the Army because if I do, she'll one-up me with yet another war story about him. And when we are together in public, she never misses a chance to disclose that we do not live together, and she always speaks in the singular regarding her plans.

Is her conduct an indication that she's unhappy with me? If not, what's going on? -- OVERSHADOWED IN SALEM, ORE.

DEAR OVERSHADOWED: Let's see. First of all, this woman is surprisingly insensitive to your feelings. Second, when people feel the need to "one-up" others, it usually stems from insecurity. Third, when a woman consistently points out that she and her companion of three years "don't live together" and speaks in the singular about her plans, it's a strong indication that she doesn't regard herself as part of a couple.

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Sam," is a senior in high school and has chosen a college that will suit his major. Now, all of a sudden, his girlfriend, "Amanda," has decided she wants to attend the same school. We'd like to discourage it because we know she's only going there to be close to our son. We feel she needs to get out on her own as much as Sam does.

Sam has tried to break up with her in the past, but she makes him feel guilty about breaking it off. We have talked to our son about her and her behavior. He is a bright kid, but seems not to be smart where Amanda is concerned.

Please help us figure out a way to make Sam understand the kind of position he's putting himself in. Amanda is needy and spoiled. She has never had to work for anything. Our son holds down two jobs and seems very independent -- so why is he coddling her? -- HELP NEEDED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HELP NEEDED: Sam may be emotional about Amanda, or just so soft-hearted he can't get past her guilt trips. Please remain calm, because college is almost a year away and a lot can happen between now and then. If Amanda's focus is on Sam and not her grades, although she may want to attend the same college, she may not be accepted for enrollment.

If she is, then your husband needs to have a man-to-man talk with Sam and point out that when he gets to college he is going to be exposed to many different experiences and people, that he's quickly going to grow emotionally and intellectually, and that is why it's important that he keeps his options open.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is I attract needy people. I don't have a problem setting boundaries. However, those boundaries are frequently crossed because the person is so self-absorbed that he/she "can't hear" me.

How does one draw the line with a complete stranger who wants to tell me her whole life story the first time we meet, and sucks away my energy and my time? I feel like the individual isn't even talking to me. She might as well be talking to herself or to a wall for all I care.

Abby, I do not want to continue being taken hostage by these kinds of people. I'm not interested in their lives or troubles. I have enough of my own. I don't want to be unkind, but I haven't found a way to protect myself from being forced to invest time in needy acquaintances with whom I do not wish to pursue a relationship. I am not a total (rhymes with witch), but I am definitely ... BAFFLED IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR BAFFLED: If I understand your description correctly, the type of person you describe is a "sapper." These are individuals who talk until they completely drain the energy from their "victim" -- not unlike vampires in Stephenie Meyer's novels.

An effective way to deal with a sapper is to stop the conversation. Explain that he or she has caught you at a time or place when it's inconvenient to talk, or tell the person you do not feel qualified to deal with their situation and refer them to a doctor, lawyer or therapist. Then walk away or end the phone call -- depending upon how they have "attached" themselves to you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend broke up with me, saying, "It's not me, it's you." If he meant it as a joke, I didn't feel like laughing. What should I have said to him? -- STUNG IN DENVER

DEAR STUNG: The best response is the one you probably gave him: "Goodbye!"

DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end at work. There's a woman in her early 30s here who is out of the closet, and very vocal about being a butch lesbian. I'm straight, happily married and 20 years older than she is.

Abby, she keeps hitting on me! I've told her I'm not interested and that I'm straight. She then makes comments that she has converted other women. She does this in front of others and it's mortifying. Yes, I'm old-fashioned and religious, and I do consider her sexual behavior immoral. I am also tired of feeling like I have to apologize for my religious beliefs.

I have spoken to my union rep, but was told not to create trouble for another union member. I'm sorry, but I don't like this sexual harassment. I want to go to HR about it, but I'm afraid it will start a riot in the union if she's fired over this complaint. There have been other complaints about her harassing people. Please advise. -- BEING HARASSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HARASSED: Your union rep is wrong. Would the person tell you to tolerate sexual harassment if your harasser was a man? The behavior you have described is against the law whether it's done by a male or female, regardless of sexual orientation.

Tell your rep you want it stopped immediately, and that if it isn't, you WILL take it to HR. Your religious beliefs do not enter into this. The woman's behavior is creating a hostile work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 26-year-old minor league baseball player. I have been involved in two serious relationships. My first was a girl I became engaged to when I was 20 and in college playing baseball there. I loved her and was committed to her, but she was jealous of my "first love" -- my sport. She constantly tried in subtle ways to get me to quit. After we had a huge fight, she finally threw my ring back at me.

I stayed single for a couple of years and then met a woman and began slowly dating her. The first year our relationship was good, but over the next three years the same issues arose and I was hearing, "You're selfish." "You don't love me." "Grow up!"

Being a professional baseball player has been my dream since I was 5, and I'm not ready to give up on it yet. Both these women continue to call and text me crying because it didn't work out. I'm angry at them for not supporting me, but I also feel sad for them because all they did was love me. What do I do about them and about trusting women with my heart and dreams? -- LOVELESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOVELESS: Stop allowing those women to lay a guilt trip on you. I'm sure when you met them you made it clear that you wanted a career in baseball -- and the sacrifice that would mean for all parties concerned. Instead of wasting more time looking back, tell these women goodbye once and for all and stop responding to their calls and messages.

To be the wife of a professional athlete takes a special kind of woman, someone with a strong sense of independence because of the number and length of the inevitable separations that come with the sports business. Look around at your teammates who have successful marriages, then ask them if they know any eligible ladies. I can't guarantee you won't strike out, but I'm willing to wager that the odds of hitting a home run will be better.