DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end at work. There's a woman in her early 30s here who is out of the closet, and very vocal about being a butch lesbian. I'm straight, happily married and 20 years older than she is.

Abby, she keeps hitting on me! I've told her I'm not interested and that I'm straight. She then makes comments that she has converted other women. She does this in front of others and it's mortifying. Yes, I'm old-fashioned and religious, and I do consider her sexual behavior immoral. I am also tired of feeling like I have to apologize for my religious beliefs.

I have spoken to my union rep, but was told not to create trouble for another union member. I'm sorry, but I don't like this sexual harassment. I want to go to HR about it, but I'm afraid it will start a riot in the union if she's fired over this complaint. There have been other complaints about her harassing people. Please advise. -- BEING HARASSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HARASSED: Your union rep is wrong. Would the person tell you to tolerate sexual harassment if your harasser was a man? The behavior you have described is against the law whether it's done by a male or female, regardless of sexual orientation.

Tell your rep you want it stopped immediately, and that if it isn't, you WILL take it to HR. Your religious beliefs do not enter into this. The woman's behavior is creating a hostile work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 26-year-old minor league baseball player. I have been involved in two serious relationships. My first was a girl I became engaged to when I was 20 and in college playing baseball there. I loved her and was committed to her, but she was jealous of my "first love" -- my sport. She constantly tried in subtle ways to get me to quit. After we had a huge fight, she finally threw my ring back at me.

I stayed single for a couple of years and then met a woman and began slowly dating her. The first year our relationship was good, but over the next three years the same issues arose and I was hearing, "You're selfish." "You don't love me." "Grow up!"

Being a professional baseball player has been my dream since I was 5, and I'm not ready to give up on it yet. Both these women continue to call and text me crying because it didn't work out. I'm angry at them for not supporting me, but I also feel sad for them because all they did was love me. What do I do about them and about trusting women with my heart and dreams? -- LOVELESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOVELESS: Stop allowing those women to lay a guilt trip on you. I'm sure when you met them you made it clear that you wanted a career in baseball -- and the sacrifice that would mean for all parties concerned. Instead of wasting more time looking back, tell these women goodbye once and for all and stop responding to their calls and messages.

To be the wife of a professional athlete takes a special kind of woman, someone with a strong sense of independence because of the number and length of the inevitable separations that come with the sports business. Look around at your teammates who have successful marriages, then ask them if they know any eligible ladies. I can't guarantee you won't strike out, but I'm willing to wager that the odds of hitting a home run will be better.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Not Nosy, Just Concerned" (Nov. 13), the neighbor who suspects the woman she sees entering "John" and "Marcia's" house is having an affair with John while Marcia sleeps. There is another scenario to consider, and it is, perhaps, the biggest reason "Nosy" should keep hers out of it. It is entirely possible that Marcia is fully aware and willingly participating in the after-hours visits of the "tart."

I am happily married now, but when I was single, I was an after-dark visitor to a well-to-do, (still) happily married couple in an unsuspecting affluent suburban neighborhood. We were all happy with the arrangement, and even joked with each other about what the neighbors would think if they only knew. "Nosy" may get the surprise of her life if she ignores your advice and shares her "knowledge" with Marcia. Things aren't always as they appear. -- HAPPY THIRD WHEEL

DEAR HAPPY: That's true. And you were by no means the only reader who suggested that scenario. However, many others were quick to offer me some neighborly advice. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You were off-base in your reply to that lady. She wanted to know how to tell the woman of the house her husband was up to no good. You advised her to mind her own business. You should have told her to send the woman a letter.

If it turns out the visitor is a relative, they can have a good laugh over it and she won't have messed up her friendship with the couple. If it turns out she's right, then Marcia will know to get herself tested for an STD, which John may have given her. And if he hasn't given her one yet, it could stop her from getting one. STDs can kill. Telling the neighbor to butt out was just plain dumb. -- FREDA IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: You are out of touch if you don't think a man will have sex in the same house in which his wife is sleeping. My sister awoke one morning to find her (now ex) husband having sex with their houseguest in the bathroom! And about 15 years ago, a friend of mine caught her husband in the basement with another woman. She and their two children had been upstairs sleeping.

Open your eyes, Abby. Why would a relative come in the middle of the night and park a block away? -- DIANE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: My mom had the same suspicion years ago. Her neighbor lady's husband would leave for work and shortly after his departure a man next door would walk over to her house. He'd go through the back gate, into her home, stay awhile and then walk back to his house. After getting to know them, Mom discovered that the woman and her visitor were brother and sister and enjoyed drinking their morning coffee together. -- NOSY NO MORE

DEAR ABBY: I wish a nosy neighbor had told me when my fiance was cheating on me. After I found out, several people admitted they had suspected the woman who had been coming around when I was visiting my parents was the "other woman," but they didn't want to seem intrusive.

While all of this was going on, I was pregnant with our second child. I learned what was happening when the baby was 3 months old. The woman was someone I considered a friend. I felt betrayed. Abby, "Nosy" should send her neighbor an anonymous note. -- SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my dad came to San Francisco to attend a CPA convention. Because my stepmom, "Ann," couldn't be there, Dad invited me to the Saturday night dinner. I was in my early 20s and working as a fashion model, so I decided to dress to kill.

Even though Dad introduced me as his daughter, several of the wives were suspicious. One of them took a picture of us and showed it to Ann. The look on her face was priceless when my stepmom said, "Isn't 'Jim's' daughter beautiful? I'm so glad she could be there." The three of us have laughed about it for years. -- NORMA IN SAN MATEO, CALIF.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: When we were younger, my sister, "Patti," and I made a pact to be each other's maid of honor. It was Patti's suggestion, and we both thought I would soon marry my then-boyfriend. It didn't happen.

A few years later, when Patti became engaged, she asked a friend with whom she had recently reconnected to be her maid of honor. She never addressed the issue with me or offered any explanation. I was crushed, but kept mum. In the years that followed, my sister told me she regretted her decision and has apologized, which helped soothe my feelings.

Last week I became engaged. I want Patti in my wedding, but as a bridesmaid. My best friend, "Meg," has always been there for me in ways I never knew a friend could. I was her maid of honor three years ago, and cherished the experience as one that signified the meaning of our friendship.

I feel torn because of the promise I made to my sister, even though she didn't honor her promise to me. I don't want to hurt Patti, and I also don't want to seem retaliatory. Can you offer me any guidance? -- MUDDLED MAIDEN IN TEXAS

DEAR MUDDLED MAIDEN: Yes. Patti's mistake was in not TALKING to you about the fact that she had changed her mind about having you as her maid of honor. My advice is to warmly invite your sister to join your wedding party as a bridesmaid, and explain why you have decided to ask your friend Meg to be maid of honor. You may find that Patti no longer expects you to keep that long ago promise, particularly in light of the fact that when she chose her bridal attendants she had a case of temporary amnesia.

DEAR ABBY: Many people in the world appear indifferent to human suffering and the serious problems our planet is facing.

I am appalled when I see TV shows about food contests in which mounds of food are piled in front of each contender, who then wolfs down enough to feed five or six people.

Evidently the audience enjoys the spectacle. They cheer and applaud the winner as if he was a hero. Do they never think about the millions of people who are starving? I would appreciate your comments. -- PRAGMATIST IN N.Y.

DEAR PRAGMATIST: No, I doubt they consider that while they are stuffing themselves, others are literally starving, nor have I heard that the sponsors have donated a portion of the proceeds to feed the hungry.

This Thanksgiving my local paper featured a color photo on the front page of a family celebrating at the beach, pulling a large turkey out of a fryer. Below the fold was another one, this of a woman in Sudan, sitting by a roadside, obviously undernourished, trying to sell her only goat so she could provide for herself and her family.

Closer to home, food banks are struggling and American children depend on school nutrition programs for survival, while audiences view eating contests as entertainment. And that's more obscene than any X-rated movie will ever be, in my opinion.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)