DEAR ABBY: When we were younger, my sister, "Patti," and I made a pact to be each other's maid of honor. It was Patti's suggestion, and we both thought I would soon marry my then-boyfriend. It didn't happen.
A few years later, when Patti became engaged, she asked a friend with whom she had recently reconnected to be her maid of honor. She never addressed the issue with me or offered any explanation. I was crushed, but kept mum. In the years that followed, my sister told me she regretted her decision and has apologized, which helped soothe my feelings.
Last week I became engaged. I want Patti in my wedding, but as a bridesmaid. My best friend, "Meg," has always been there for me in ways I never knew a friend could. I was her maid of honor three years ago, and cherished the experience as one that signified the meaning of our friendship.
I feel torn because of the promise I made to my sister, even though she didn't honor her promise to me. I don't want to hurt Patti, and I also don't want to seem retaliatory. Can you offer me any guidance? -- MUDDLED MAIDEN IN TEXAS
DEAR MUDDLED MAIDEN: Yes. Patti's mistake was in not TALKING to you about the fact that she had changed her mind about having you as her maid of honor. My advice is to warmly invite your sister to join your wedding party as a bridesmaid, and explain why you have decided to ask your friend Meg to be maid of honor. You may find that Patti no longer expects you to keep that long ago promise, particularly in light of the fact that when she chose her bridal attendants she had a case of temporary amnesia.