DEAR ABBY: When we were younger, my sister, "Patti," and I made a pact to be each other's maid of honor. It was Patti's suggestion, and we both thought I would soon marry my then-boyfriend. It didn't happen.

A few years later, when Patti became engaged, she asked a friend with whom she had recently reconnected to be her maid of honor. She never addressed the issue with me or offered any explanation. I was crushed, but kept mum. In the years that followed, my sister told me she regretted her decision and has apologized, which helped soothe my feelings.

Last week I became engaged. I want Patti in my wedding, but as a bridesmaid. My best friend, "Meg," has always been there for me in ways I never knew a friend could. I was her maid of honor three years ago, and cherished the experience as one that signified the meaning of our friendship.

I feel torn because of the promise I made to my sister, even though she didn't honor her promise to me. I don't want to hurt Patti, and I also don't want to seem retaliatory. Can you offer me any guidance? -- MUDDLED MAIDEN IN TEXAS

DEAR MUDDLED MAIDEN: Yes. Patti's mistake was in not TALKING to you about the fact that she had changed her mind about having you as her maid of honor. My advice is to warmly invite your sister to join your wedding party as a bridesmaid, and explain why you have decided to ask your friend Meg to be maid of honor. You may find that Patti no longer expects you to keep that long ago promise, particularly in light of the fact that when she chose her bridal attendants she had a case of temporary amnesia.

DEAR ABBY: Many people in the world appear indifferent to human suffering and the serious problems our planet is facing.

I am appalled when I see TV shows about food contests in which mounds of food are piled in front of each contender, who then wolfs down enough to feed five or six people.

Evidently the audience enjoys the spectacle. They cheer and applaud the winner as if he was a hero. Do they never think about the millions of people who are starving? I would appreciate your comments. -- PRAGMATIST IN N.Y.

DEAR PRAGMATIST: No, I doubt they consider that while they are stuffing themselves, others are literally starving, nor have I heard that the sponsors have donated a portion of the proceeds to feed the hungry.

This Thanksgiving my local paper featured a color photo on the front page of a family celebrating at the beach, pulling a large turkey out of a fryer. Below the fold was another one, this of a woman in Sudan, sitting by a roadside, obviously undernourished, trying to sell her only goat so she could provide for herself and her family.

Closer to home, food banks are struggling and American children depend on school nutrition programs for survival, while audiences view eating contests as entertainment. And that's more obscene than any X-rated movie will ever be, in my opinion.

DEAR ABBY: My husband constantly leers at women. He bases many of his choices on the "best views" available for girl watching: his seat in a restaurant, where he parks to pick up the kids from high school, seats at sporting events that are close to the cheerleaders, even TV shows that feature cute blondes -- the scantier clad the better.

The most upsetting incident happened when we were saying goodbye to our daughter whom we had taken to college. With tears in my eyes, I turned to my husband for comfort. Abby, instead of offering any, his eyes were glued on the rear end of a cute co-ed as she crossed the lobby.

I have begged, pleaded and explained repeatedly to my husband that his behavior is humiliating, degrading to all involved and just plain disgusting. He either denies he's doing it, becomes defensive, says I need help or tells me I'm "overreacting" -- that ALL men do it.

I have had enough, but at my age starting over seems scary. AM I overreacting? -- YOO-HOO, I'M OVER HERE!

DEAR HERE!: If your husband was 20 years younger, his behavior would be classified as "boys will be boys." But he is no longer a boy, and the older he gets the more his behavior is beginning to resemble that of a creepy old man. Most men may look occasionally, but it appears your husband is obsessive. He owes you an apology for his lack of sensitivity regarding your feelings and should make an effort at behavior modification.

Staying in an unhappy marriage because the idea of starting over "seems scary" is the wrong reason. But before you throw in the towel, both of you should talk to a marriage counselor -- or an optometrist who can help your husband practice tunnel vision.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Brandon," dated several girls in high school -- none seriously. But now that he's thinking about colleges, he has fallen head-over-heels for someone named "Michelle." I'm OK with that; my problem is Michelle's mother. It's like she's trying to get them married as soon as possible.

This woman manipulates situations so that her daughter and Brandon spend the majority of their time at her house. Every time we make plans to have Michelle over for dinner or a movie, there's either a reason she can't come, or her mother calls asking her to return home.

Michelle's mom constantly calls and texts my son. On Facebook she carries on about how much she misses him. Whenever Brandon makes a comment about his wonderful girlfriend, her mother chimes in with, "What about her wonderful mother?"

Brandon is being set up and manipulated, but becomes defensive if I try to point it out. We live in a small town, and I have had several unsolicited warnings of "watch out for the mother" whenever people find out who Brandon is dating. Would it be wrong to approach this woman? -- LEVEL-HEADED IN MONROE, N.C.

DEAR LEVEL-HEADED: It appears that Michelle's mother is living vicariously through her daughter and is trying to "help" her land your son. Although the woman's behavior is over-the-top, I doubt that confronting her would discourage her.

Before this goes any further, Brandon needs to understand that Michelle's mother is a textbook example of a problem mother-in-law. If your son has a father, uncle or grandfather in the picture, he may be more receptive to a man-to-man talk about what's going on than he is to a warning from his mother.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl whose parents treat me like an 8-year-old. They not only refuse to let me see any movie that isn't G-rated, but they still cut my meat for me! Once a week we go to the park, and they still push me on the swings.

I don't want to tell them it's embarrassing because I'm afraid I'll hurt their feelings. Please tell me how to convey to my parents that I'm not a child anymore. -- OLD ENOUGH IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OLD ENOUGH: Your parents mean well, but children who are overprotected to the extent you have been often become stunted in their development. Teens do not learn social skills and how to make appropriate choices when they are "supervised" to the extent you are.

Tell your parents that you love them, but in three years you will be 18 and an adult. Explain that you know they love you, but if you are not allowed some freedom now, then you will be behind your peers because of your inexperience when you have reached an age when you'll be expected to make wise choices. Remind them that even children half your age are sufficiently coordinated that they can cut the food on their plates, and you would appreciate their allowing you to get some practice.

If this doesn't help them let go, then ask another adult to help you deliver the message.

DEAR ABBY: Two family members passed away, and because we live several states from our family, we were not informed of their deaths until many weeks after the funerals. Whose responsibility is it to notify us of a death in the family? -- LEFT IN THE DARK

DEAR LEFT IN THE DARK: There is no designated person who makes the call. Often it is a family member conveying the sad news, or a close family friend if the family is too devastated or too busy making funeral arrangements to reach out. That you were not notified until weeks after the funeral -- not once but twice -- implies that there may have been some sort of estrangement. And if that's the case, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: Two family members passed away, and because we live several states from our family, we were not informed of their deaths until many weeks after the funerals. Whose responsibility is it to notify us of a death in the family? -- LEFT IN THE DARK

DEAR LEFT IN THE DARK: There is no designated person who makes the call. Often it is a family member conveying the sad news, or a close family friend if the family is too devastated or too busy making funeral arrangements to reach out. That you were not notified until weeks after the funeral -- not once but twice -- implies that there may have been some sort of estrangement. And if that's the case, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: An old friend from high school came to visit. While she was here I couldn't help but notice that her teeth and gums were in awful shape. Her gums were red and swollen, with dark plaque around the gum lines.

I feel terrible for her. I'd hate to see her lose her teeth. She's only 30, but it's clear she'll be in trouble if she doesn't see a dentist ASAP. How can I let her know that she really, really needs to do this? -- CONCERNED IN L.A.

DEAR CONCERNED: Have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend and ask her why she hasn't been seeing a dentist. Tell her you are worried about her because diseases of the mouth can cause problems in other areas of the body or be a sign of illness.

If her problem is a fear of dentists, she should know that there are dentists who specialize in treating patients like her who can administer anti-anxiety meds to help her. And if her problem is money, that she should contact dental schools in her state to see if she could be treated as part of their supervised training for dental students. You are right to be concerned about your friend, so don't put off talking to her.