life

Wide Variety of Cultures Use Many Ways to Count the Days

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2010

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the column you published Nov. 26 with letters from readers about 13-13-13, and I'm not the least astonished that many of them didn't get the humor.

You failed to point out that several calendars actually DO have 13 months, among them the Muslim and Chinese calendars, each of which are lunar-solar calendars. Thus, 13-13-13 could be possible. My personal preference would be for 12 months of 30 days with a midsummer two-day break and a midwinter two- or three-day break. It may not be practical, but it would be fun. -- JOHN S., CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO.

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for the "timely" information and moral support. I confess that when I wrote my reply to the original letter, which appeared Sept. 4, it did not occur to me to check any calendar other than the one on my desk. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your 13th month column was hilarious. It made people think. However, Orthodox Jews must be writing you by the thousands over your 13-13-13 "mistake." The ancient Jewish calendar is a lunar calendar in which a 13th month occurs every few years. Even secularists can count 13 new moons every 365-day year. This is why new moons are never at the same time of the "month," and why Jewish holidays never fall on the same day of the week. -- RICHARD IN PALM DESERT, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: There have been many calendars adopted throughout the ages as a way of measuring time, whether using the Gregorian currently used by Western civilization or by the lunar or solar means. Among them: the Mayan, Aztec, Babylonian, Zoroastrian, Hopi, Hindu, Egyptian, Roman and the Baha'i. Let us all celebrate in diverse and creative ways with love, compassion and encouragement. -- CAROL IN POST FALLS, IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see you embrace the intelligent idea that we will return to using the 13-month calendar by the year 2013. The insanity promoted by the ego-driven Gregorian calendar contributes much to the materialistic consumerism madness that pollutes our world.

Until we return our focus to the organic, cyclical nature of time we will not truly begin the healing of Mother Gaia to the extent we are able. Bringing mankind's consciousness back to a natural order of time will do much to heal the insanity that causes us to think we are superior to nature and the natural order of all things. -- A.J. IN YREKA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet most of your readers would be surprised to learn that there are some places in the world that DO have 13 months. Ethiopia's tourism motto is: "13 Months of Sunshine." Each month has 30 days, leaving five days (six during leap year) for the 13th month of Pagome. Their calendar is also about seven years behind ours. So, while you still can't celebrate 13-13-13 -- even in Ethiopia -- you CAN claim to be seven years younger. -- ETHIOPIAN AT HEART, ST. JOSEPH, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Thought you might be interested to know that George Eastman, founder of Kodak, established a company-wide calendar based on 13 months, each with four weeks -- plus a New Year's Day. So in 1913, there WAS a 13-13-13. And if it had been on a Friday, then every month of that year would have had a Friday the 13th, too. -- LEONARD M., ROCHESTER, N.Y.

life

Embarrassing Pictures Send a Thousand Words of Warning

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 6th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Shortly after college and a bad breakup, I met someone I thought was a "nice" guy. I allowed him to take sexually explicit photos of me. I realize now that I did it because I had very low self-esteem back then.

The moment he snapped the pictures I regretted it and asked for them back. He refused, and even tried to extort money from me with threats of sending copies to my workplace. I was working for a Fortune 500 company at the time and was scared to death. Fortunately, he didn't follow through on his threat.

Fast forward 20 years: I am now a stay-at-home mom with a wonderful husband and two young children. I still think about the mistakes I made all those years ago, and I had a dream recently about this particular situation. I'm not worried about my husband finding out because I told him about this before we were married. However, I do wonder what happened to the pictures. With today's technology, they could be anywhere now.

Who we are today is not necessarily who we are going to be tomorrow. Abby, please warn young girls and boys to THINK before doing something that can possibly follow them through a lifetime. -- NAMELESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR NAMELESS: Amen! But your letter is a more effective warning than any sermon that could come from me. Not only is it a fact that the photos and statements we post on the Internet are there for eternity, but the "sexts," texts, videos and blogs of yesteryear can haunt us like tattered vagrant ghosts instead of staying buried. One need only recall the embarrassment of certain celebrities -- who should have known better -- whose names and images have been blasted across the media and learn from their mistakes.

life

Dear Abby for January 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 6th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife had a series of affairs during our 25 years of marriage. I loved her, so I tried to ignore what was happening for the sake of our three children. When she left me for her boss, divorce was my only option.

The years have passed and I am remarried to a wonderful woman. We are happy together and life is good.

Abby, what should my role be in building a bridge between my children and their mother? Our oldest son hasn't spoken to her in seven years. The middle child, our daughter, has accepted her mother's husband. Our younger son blocks his mother's calls and e-mails.

The kids are in their 20s and live on their own. The hurt is still there from her betrayal, cheating and lies, but I worry about my kids and their relationship with their mother. Is it my responsibility to intercede on her behalf? -- DISTRESSED DAD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISTRESSED DAD: No. In fact, you should stay out of it.

life

Dear Abby for January 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 6th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3
life

Retired Mom Adopts Daughter's House as New Full Time Job

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mom has recently retired and is spending a lot of time at our home. She's constantly doing things -- emptying the washer, drying dishes. Anything that is untouched for a few minutes she'll get into. She also reorganizes our drawers and cabinets and thinks her way is best.

She even remakes the children's beds, which is part of their chores. She feels a bed needs to "air" for an hour after its occupant wakes up. When I tell her she doesn't need to do it, she says she doesn't mind -- but she's missing the point.

Mom is hurt because she feels I don't appreciate her, and I am hurt that she doesn't respect my rules. I'm grateful for everything she does, but I would like her to visit with her grandchildren and enjoy her retirement while she's at our home. What should I do? -- FRUSTRATED IN AUDUBON, PA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The problem isn't that your mother doesn't respect your rules. I suspect it's that she has worked all her life and isn't used to being idle. She may also feel so at home in your house that she automatically behaves as though she were in hers.

Have a chat with her and try to reach a compromise. Your drawers and cabinets should be off limits, and the children should be permitted to fulfill their chores. But if emptying the washer and drying the dishes makes her happy, let her do it and thank her for her efforts.

Your mother appears to be full of energy and have a lot of time on her hands. So why not encourage her to volunteer some of it at her church, a thrift store or a charity of her choosing? It will help her develop outside interests, meet new people and form some new friendships -- all of which will allow her less time to be "helping" you.

life

Dear Abby for January 05, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My father died last year. Shortly after his funeral I sold his car to a friend in need for $200. Her husband let it slip a couple of days ago that they had discovered a cane tucked beneath the front seat with more than $300 stuffed inside. The bills had rotted, but they were able to take them to the bank and exchange them for new ones. They have spent the money.

I am torn. Shouldn't they have told me and perhaps offered to split that money? Or, since they bought the car, were all of its contents theirs? They got the car AND made $100 on the deal. -- FUMING IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FUMING: You call these people friends? This isn't a matter of what would be right under the law. If they were true friends, they would have told you they had found the cane, in case it had sentimental value -- and offered you the contents as well.

life

Dear Abby for January 05, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 5th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When someone I'm talking to starts to cry in front of me, I never know what to do. I often feel helpless. Should I hug the person? I usually end up just sitting there waiting for them to collect themselves. How can I comfort someone like this? -- FEELING HELPLESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: Unless you know someone well, I do not recommend hugging. However, if there's a tissue available, it would be a kindness to hand it over and tell the person you're sorry he or she is hurting and if he or she needs to talk, you're willing to listen.

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