DEAR ABBY: For years I struggled with chronic pain from deteriorating knees. My husband and young child saw our family life slowly diminish because of my increasing physical limitations. Chronic pain and frustration changed who I was.

Last year I was blessed to be able to have both my knees replaced. I had a wonderfully skilled surgeon, persistent physical therapists -- and a heroic husband.

He learned to do the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, little girl hair, homework supervision and all of the other literal "legwork" required to keep our family going. And he did all this while working TWO jobs.

I am now completely recovered and realize how fortunate I am to have such a loving, devoted life partner. I make sure to tell him often how much I love and appreciate him, and I also tell others.

Abby, too often we neglect to recognize our own "everyday heroes." Please remind your readers that even what can seem mundane can be truly heroic -- and to let their loved ones know that their efforts are recognized. -- LUCKY WIFE OF A HERO, STAMFORD, CONN.

DEAR LUCKY WIFE: Thank you for an upper of a letter. I'm pleased you're singing your husband's praises, because he deserves to hear every note. You picked a winner.

Readers, I have heard from you often, offering stories about pennies from heaven and acts of kindness. If you have encountered people you consider to be "everyday heroes," I hope you will let me know so I can share their stories with other readers.

DEAR ABBY: I am starting to prepare for one of the most difficult hurdles of my career, the bar exam. Please tell me what I should do about my mother -- who just does not seem to get it.

She interrupts me constantly about things that have nothing to do with me. She calls during my study hours with requests or comments about trite issues that could be more easily handled by one of my siblings.

Before I graduated from law school, my mother expressed doubt that I could make it through. She said that two of my sisters are successful in their careers without a higher education. Shouldn't family encourage and support one another? -- FAMILY VS. CAREER IN BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR F VS. C: Yes, they should -- but unfortunately, not all of them actually do, and I respect the fact that you have persisted in spite of your mother's lack of vision. You didn't ask for advice, but allow me to offer some. Turn your phone off and tune your mother out until after the bar exam is over.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper use of paper and fabric napkins in a restaurant? My husband and I enjoy going to fine restaurants and including a young family member to celebrate a triumph and to teach something at the same time. We have always wondered what the proper etiquette is regarding the use of the napkin. -- ANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANA: The "rules" are simple. When you are seated at the table, the napkin should be unfolded and placed on your lap. During the meal, it should be used to blot your lips if needed. If you must leave the table, your napkin should be placed to the left of your place setting. When the meal is finished, the napkin should be placed to your left -- or, if the dinner or dessert plate has been removed, directly in front of you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married woman who has always valued my friendships. I feel fortunate to have about a dozen women friends I can talk to, have lunch with and enjoy girls' weekends with.

One of my longtime friends, "Cecily," is a widow. She's an attractive, intelligent, vibrant woman who complains to me that she is lonely and wants companionship. She has had several relationships since her husband's death, but none have led to marriage.

Not long ago, Cecily mentioned that I'm the last of her girlfriends -- the others have drifted away. I think I know the reason. Cecily is a poor listener and forcefully talks over whomever she's speaking with, which indicates that she's not really listening to the person but instead forming her next thought. She does it with me often, but realizing she has a need to be heard, I let her talk until she winds down.

I'm afraid that the people she wants to be close to lose interest in maintaining a friendship with her because of it. Should I share this with her? I believe it is affecting her life and has caused her to slip into a mild depression. -- FRIEND WHO CARES IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FRIEND: Sometimes it takes a friend to tell a person a truth that he or she needs to hear. But before you do, first ask yourself: "Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" I'd say that in Cecily's case, your message qualifies on all three counts, so go ahead and speak up.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Kelli" less than a year ago. She's a great person, very positive and a hard worker. She is not someone I would have imagined myself with five years ago, but I'm almost 30 now, and I thought we'd grow together over time.

Before our wedding I was hit by the worst anxiety of my life. I began feeling that the marriage might be a huge mistake. Sleep became impossible. My mom asked if I wanted to call off the wedding, but I thought it was just pre-wedding jitters.

As I said, Kelli is a great person -- but my unease about whether I made a mistake is still with me. I'm also not sure if things will stay as pleasant as they are now.

More troubling is that Kelli wants to start having kids. I do not want to have children, be in a miserable marriage and end up divorced. I have been to counseling to work on my anxiety, but the thought of a child terrifies me.

Kelli has her heart set on having kids. If I tell her I don't want any, it will break her heart. If you have any advice, it would be appreciated. -- RIDDLED WITH ANXIETY

DEAR RIDDLED: Clearly you are not fully committed to your marriage. The only thing worse than not leveling with your wife about your feelings would be to let things continue as they are and for her to become pregnant.

Kelli will be very hurt when she hears the news, so be prepared. Your counselor can help you break it to her in the kindest way possible. Do not procrastinate. Your wife deserves a husband who will love her without reservation, and nowhere in your letter did you mention even once that you love her. The bottom line is in the long run you'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old son, "Adam," has known he was adopted since he was old enough to understand. Adam's birth parents both were addicted to drugs, alcohol and tobacco. In fact, Adam tested positive for cocaine at birth.

Should I tell him that he is at risk for addiction because of his biological heritage? I want him to be aware, yet I don't want to bad-mouth his birth parents or in any way lead him to think that this is his destiny. I know he associates with kids who may be involved in these things. -- CONCERNED MOM IN ATLANTA

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Frankly, you should have had this conversation with Adam by the time he was 9. He must definitely be given this information. To remain silent would be like failing to warn a child with balance problems not to walk a tightrope.

It would not be "bad-mouthing" to explain to Adam that because his adoption records show his parents were both addicts, it's extremely important that he avoid addictive substances because he could become addicted more easily than the average person. Explain that while it isn't a guarantee that he'll become hooked, the tendency is there. Forewarned is forearmed.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. A year and a half ago, my brother was killed in an automobile accident by a drunk driver. We are a very close family, and everyone was devastated. My sister-in-law, "Grace," and I were always close, and we have become closer lately. Now we're discussing the possibility of a relationship.

Grace has three grown sons, and I realize there could be issues or concerns with the boys and our families, but we feel they would want us to be happy.

Is this something that is acceptable, and does it happen often? We have never discussed the fact that I am not my brother and cannot -- and never would try to -- replace him. I couldn't. He was a great man. -- LOOKING FOR INSIGHT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOOKING FOR INSIGHT: While I do not have any statistics about widows and widowers becoming romantically involved with former in-laws, I can tell you that this situation is not as unusual as you might think, and the subject has appeared before in my column. It is understandable that you and Grace would be drawn to each other. You have years of shared history in common, and that could form the basis of a very successful union. If you love each other, I say go for it.

DEAR ABBY: When I take a break at work I like to read, but I am often interrupted by co-workers. Even though they see me reading, they insist on starting a conversation. I don't mean to be rude, but it is relaxing for me to "escape" for a few minutes, and I feel robbed when I can't enjoy my latest book. It is too far to go to my car, and we are not supposed to leave the area anyway.

What can I do or say without being considered unkind? -- ANITA IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ANITA: Try this -- nicely warn your co-workers in advance that reading is your form of relaxation and you would appreciate it if they let you concentrate on your book during your break. That way, everyone will get the message in a nonconfrontational way.

Another thought: Place a Do Not Disturb sign with large lettering next to you if you think it will help them get the hint.