DEAR ABBY: I'm 41 and a single mom. My first marriage lasted 19 years, during which my husband cheated on me three times that I know of. I have dated a few men since the divorce. I caught each of them lying to me, cheating on me -- or both.

I am now seeing a man who seems to be an honest family man. However, I can't bring myself to trust him. We have been seeing each other for a year, and I care about him deeply. But I do not trust him, and the truth is I don't trust anyone -- not even my own mother.

I'm not sure I know how to trust, Abby, and I am destroying my relationship with this man because of it. He has evening meetings and occasionally needs to travel on business, and I am making us both miserable. I do feel he's an honest, God-fearing family man, but when it comes to our relationship, I'm unable to trust. Please tell me what to do. -- DESPERATE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DESPERATE: Your reasons for not trusting men seemed understandable when I read that your husband had cheated multiple times, and that you had the same rotten luck with men after your divorce. Then I got to the line about your mother. If you don't trust her, then how far back do your trust issues go? And is it possible that you have turned your insecurity into a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you want to salvage this relationship, recognize that you have a problem that won't go away without counseling to help you understand where your trust problems originated. Wouldn't it be interesting if they had less to do with the men in your life than with your mother? You'll never know until you look further -- so before you chase this man away, explain that you realize you have been unfair to him and ask him to give you patience and some time to fix the problem. He must care for you very much to have stuck it out this long.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 18, I met a girl, "Ava," who was 17. We became good friends but we lived an hour apart and only dated for four months. Ava called it off because she said she was in school and wanted to date other guys. I found out that the next year she got married.

Six years later, Ava called out of the blue and invited me to dinner. She was divorced, but I was in a relationship at the time, so I never called her back. I got married the following year and have been married for 31 years.

A couple of months ago I found out Ava's married name and phone number and called her. I apologized for not having returned her call way back when, and we talked about her family and mine. Abby, I care for her and would like to be friends. I'd like to keep in touch, but I don't want to invade her life or cause problems. Any advice would be appreciated. -- REMEMBERING IN RICHMOND

DEAR REMEMBERING: I'm not sure what it is you're looking for, but if you and Ava were meant to be friends, I think it would have happened before this. My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie.

DEAR READERS: I'm sure all of us are glad to bid a "fond farewell" to 2009. What a year this has been!

If you're planning to celebrate the New Year with alcohol tonight, please appoint a designated driver. And on this night of all nights, everyone -- including the designated driver -- should remember to drive defensively. To one and all, I wish a happy, healthy 2010. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am 80, and "Doreen" is 72. When we started dating seven years ago, I "simply wanted to be her friend." Now the tables have turned, and she just wants to be MY friend.

Doreen has a male friend in Florida with whom she communicates through letters and phone calls. Although she tells me she loves me, she also says that if this "friend" comes back and asks her out, she wants to be free to date him.

I told her that most 72-year-olds would be happy to have one man to date, but if she plans on dating someone else, I should be free to do the same. Her last remark was for me to "be gentle with her." We are affectionate, loving friends, and I care about her a great deal.

Your observations, please. -- EDDIE IN MAINE

DEAR EDDIE: Your statement that if Doreen plans to date someone else, you should be free to do the same seems logical to me. Continue to have an affectionate, loving friendship with her -- and by all means "be gentle" -- but keep your options open and date others in the knowledge that if her snowbird flies home, she'll be billing and cooing with him, and you'll be flying solo.

DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem -- my father-in-law, "Hal." He has lived with us more than eight years and has never contributed anything toward his keep. I asked him once to pay some rent, but he refused. This not only caused a rift between my wife and me, but her two siblings -- who are well off -- said Hal was "living on the poverty line," so we should keep him for nothing.

I wouldn't mind so much, but my wife has to clean up after him, do his laundry and take him to his medical appointments. More than that, having Hal underfoot all the time has completely destroyed our privacy.

Hal spends most of his pension buying presents for his other children who never even come to see him. All we get from him are complaints.

What do you suggest? -- RESENTFUL IN IDAHO

DEAR RESENTFUL: Enough is enough. You and your wife are long overdue for a meeting with her siblings to discuss this problem. They should have started chipping in to pay for their father's care eight years ago and also seen to it that you have some respite. Unless and until this is brought out into the open, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Audrey," was molested by her step-grandfather when she was a little girl. She told her mother about it, but because of her age she wasn't taken seriously.

Audrey and I are now talking about starting a family. Abby, I am uncomfortable about bringing children into this family unless everyone understands the reason I will not allow this man to touch our children. The problem is, the information will be devastating to Audrey's grandmother. A child's innocence is worth whatever hard feelings I might create, but how do we handle this without destroying a family? -- TAKING CARE OF MY OWN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR TAKING CARE: Was your wife the only child in the family her step-grandfather had access to? Will the baby you're planning be the first in the family -- or has this man had unsupervised contact with others? Keep in mind that if he would molest Audrey, he may also have done it to others -- neighbors, etc.

Not only should the family be informed about what happened by you and Audrey now that she is "old enough to be believed," but also ask if anyone else may have been victimized because other children may have been afraid to speak up.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I applaud "Terrified Mama in California" (Oct. 30) on her stance with her "multitasking" daughter who texts and phones while driving. I recently swore off cell phone use in my vehicle after I saw the dramatic BBC public service ad on YouTube discouraging it, a re-enactment of an actual event. I am forever changed for the better, and so are my two daughters who ride with me.

If there is an emergency, my family now knows that if I don't answer my phone, they should call right back and I'll pull over to take the call. Otherwise, I will call later. This has worked like a charm.

I still notice all the other phone conversations going on while people operate thousands of pounds of steel, glass and plastic containing their most precious cargo. What are they talking about? I'll bet it could wait. Driving time for me is now spent conversing with my kids, singing along to music or just chilling out.

As moms, we are concerned about lead in our children's toys, the safety of flu vaccines and additives in the foods they eat. But it never occurs to us that, in the blink of an eye, life can change forever because of that call or text that "had" to be made.

You CANNOT do it all. Be present in the moment when you operate your vehicle. The life you save may be your own. -- SUSAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for your persuasive reminder. Many readers were eager to share their views on this topic, which is so often in the news today. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If "Terrified's" daughter were only a danger to herself, I'd be all in favor of allowing her to compete for a Darwin award. Unfortunately, she's a danger to everyone.

I have seen amazingly mindless behavior by people on cell phones who were not driving -- including one who paid for and walked away from her purchases at a store. Too many cell phone users are completely oblivious to anything but their conversation. It should be obvious that phones and driving don't go together.

Earlier this year a woman on a cell phone here hit a motorcyclist. Apparently clueless to having just been in an accident, she proceeded to drive over him, and that's what killed him. Witnesses said she was still talking on her phone when she got out of her SUV.

Abby, you missed a golden opportunity to call for state or federal regulations banning the use of cell phones while driving. It would make the world safer for everyone. -- LARRY IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked that you told that mother that there isn't much she can do if her daughter doesn't want to shape up. You said yourself the practice could be compared to driving drunk. She is endangering her child every time she's behind the wheel "multitasking." That grandmother should not give up trying to save her grandchild.

I work for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. President Obama has asked all government employees to pledge to not drive while operating tech devices. Grandma should report her daughter to the authorities for child endangerment. -- N.H.T.S.A. MOM

DEAR ABBY: I was slightly distracted by a phone call while driving home one afternoon. A car crossed the double yellow line and cut me off. I saw it, swerved and lost control of my vehicle, which crashed into the divider and flipped over, shattering my legs in the process. Thank goodness my son was not in the car with me.

I'm convinced the phone I was holding in my hand kept me from being able to completely control my car. Since that day, I never phone or text while driving. -- LISA IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: To "Terrified Mama": Call the police and give them your daughter's license plate number. Tell them she's driving while on the phone or texting (both illegal in your state), and you're afraid she or your grandkids will be hurt. They will watch for her and pull her over. Perhaps a traffic ticket will do what your concern has not. -- BARBARA IN DALLAS