DEAR ABBY: I have only recently realized how unhappy my parents' marriage is. On the way home from a concert one night, my mom started crying and said how much she wanted to be with a man who could stay awake throughout a performance. Then she told me I should never get married. She said people "always grow apart." She has been saying it repeatedly over the last few weeks and has even had some of her friends tell me the same thing.

I began asking other people about it, and they all act like they're not happy in their marriages, either. I am now genuinely afraid to get married.

I am 18 and have just started dating a man you would consider marriage material. But I'm holding back my feelings because I'm afraid one day he might propose. Is "happily ever after" achievable anymore in a marriage? -- UPSET IN GRAND RAPIDS

DEAR UPSET: Your parents' marriage appears to have hit a rough patch. When your mother started crying after the concert, I guarantee she wasn't crying because your father couldn't stay awake until the end. She was crying because she was disappointed in him for something else.

While the intensity of feelings can fluctuate over time in a marriage, couples do not "always" grow apart. The fact that your mother's friends are echoing those sentiments makes me wonder what kind of a crowd she's surrounding herself with, because unhappy people usually attract other negative people.

While I know from experience that a lasting, loving relationship/marriage is possible, allow me to point out that the qualities that attract someone at 18 may not be necessarily the same ones you'll find important when you're older. That is why it's important that before you start thinking about marriage, you first establish yourself as an independent, self-supporting young woman and take your time before committing yourself to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: A former professor of mine was a good friend and very supportive last year when I was experiencing some personal difficulties. Recently I have heard that he has not been acting like himself. I was told he has developed a bad attitude, curses in class, and uses his degree to demean his students' opinions on topics. One of his current students told me he's surprised the professor hasn't been thrown out of class for his behavior.

This is not the same professor who helped me last year. It seems like his evil twin. I suspect he may be having some personal problems. Because of our previous professor/student relationship, I don't think I can get involved. However, because of the help he gave me when I needed it, I care and would like to offer support. Is there anything I can do? I want my friend back. -- STUDENT WHO CARES

DEAR STUDENT: While it might not be appropriate for you to reach out to your former professor directly, it still may be possible to get him some help. Tell the student who spoke to you that he and some of the other members of the class should talk to the head of the department or the dean about what has been going on and the fact that the professor may be in need of help. If the man is, indeed, having personal problems, his supervisor would be in a better position to see he gets it than you are.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please advise me what to do with a lot of really gorgeous women's apparel? I'm talking about top-of-the-line shoes, handbags -- everything you could imagine.

My mother left all of her things to me. I have already donated some to charity, but selling some would be nice, too. Any suggestions? -- VANESSA IN AUSTIN

DEAR VANESSA: Check around to see if there are any consignment stores in your area that deal in high-end merchandise. I am sure they would be very interested in helping you sell the items. With the economy down, many women are on the prowl looking for the kinds of bargains you have described. You might also consider offering them on eBay.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Stacie" and I have sons who are the same age. The boys love playing together and spending the night at each other's house. The problem is that Stacie and her husband fight all the time. They scream and curse at each other at the top of their lungs, and they do it in front of the kids. Her husband also screams at their son, calling him "stupid" and other things that are not fit for a family newspaper.

My husband and I do not want our son exposed to that kind of behavior, but I don't know how to tell Stacie that this is why I can't allow my son to stay at her house anymore. Any suggestions? -- STICKY WICKET IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STICKY WICKET: Yes. Host the sleepovers at your house. That way cousin Stacie and her husband can have more "private time" to continue their battles, and their poor son will have some relief from the emotional abuse he is suffering at the hands of both of them.

DEAR ABBY: A friend forwarded me an item she had read on the Internet. I have learned a lot during my 38 years of living, and think these important life lessons might be something you'd like to pass along to your many readers.

1. Respect others, even if they don't respect you. Later in life they may remember that respect.

2. Love with your whole heart. It may be broken, but you can't say that you never loved.

3. Treat animals with kindness, and it will be repaid to you a hundredfold.

4. Be honest with the people you love. Honesty really IS the best policy.

5. Admit your mistakes; it shows you are human.

6. Learn from your mistakes, but don't dwell on them. Negative thinking will only make you depressed -- and that's not good for you or those around you.

7. Tell your family often that you love them. You never know when it will be the last time you get to say it.

8. Never tell others that their dreams are stupid or dumb. Each of us is entitled to our dreams. Who are we to say they won't come true?

9. Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.

10. Be thankful for everything you have. Knowing you are blessed isn't arrogant or cocky if you're truly thankful for your blessings. -- JENNIFER IN COLORADO

DEAR JENNIFER: Thank you for sending this worthwhile item. I am sure my readers will agree that it has merit, take it to heart and refer to it when it's needed. I would only add that those people who respect themselves also tend to respect others; people who like themselves usually have more love to offer to others; and generosity of spirit, as well as material things, is what binds individuals and communities together.

To my Christian readers, I wish each and every one of you a very merry and meaningful Christmas.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Stuck for an Answer" (Oct. 9), whose wife found a box of letters written by her late mother to her father. She didn't know whether to read or destroy them.

If Mom had wanted the letters destroyed, she would have already done it. As a genealogist and historian, my advice is to keep them in a safe place for future generations. I have correspondence between my great-great-grandmother, her daughters and their daughters that dates back to the 1870s and extends through the 1940s. I also have her diaries, her daughter's autograph book from high school graduation in 1880, and diaries written by her granddaughter that date from the time she was 16 until her death at the age of 90 in 1998.

I am sure my great-great-grandfather never thought I'd be reading the letter he wrote to his brother during the Civil War in 1865, mentioning all the women in the city he was going to spend some time with! Abby, "Stuck's" wife should cherish the letters she found, even if she never reads them. They are precious heirlooms for future generations that will teach them about the impact of World War II on young love. -- HISTORICALLY SPEAKING

DEAR HISTORICALLY: I suggested to "Stuck" that reading the letters would allow his wife new insight into her parents' early life. Many readers agreed and offered personal anecdotes. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Zack's" father left him letters he had exchanged with Zack's mother during World War II. In one of them was the information that Zack had a half-sister in Italy! If he had not read those letters, he would never have known about this member of his family.

"Stuck's" letters have survived 60 years. He can rightfully suppose that his mother-in-law saved them with the intent of passing them on. Those letters have tremendous historical significance. There are few firsthand documents like these remaining. I'm sure the World War II museum in Washington, D.C., would love to have them. Every firsthand story helps us construct our history. Can you imagine what we would have missed if 15-year-old Anne Frank's diary had remained unpublished? -- WELL-READ IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: My mother asked if my sisters and I wanted to read the letters Dad had sent her during the war. We declined because we felt the letters were private. Mom requested that they be buried with her when she died. When she passed away, we could not immediately locate them. Then, just before interment, my sister found the letters. The funeral director allowed us to seal them in a box to be placed in the ground with Mom's burial urn. They are now, once again, close to her and Dad, and everyone finds that knowledge comforting. -- BEVERLY IN ALBANY

DEAR ABBY: I knew growing up that Mom kept letters from my father in her lingerie drawer. When she died in 1996, I placed them with her in her casket. When my sister-in-law asked if I had read them, I said, "Absolutely not -- they were for Mom's eyes, not mine." My advice to "Stuck" would be to destroy them. -- DONNA IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: When our parents died 22 years ago, we also found letters he wrote her while in the Army. My sisters and I pored over them -- laughing, crying, learning new things about them. It allowed us a glimpse into something we never thought we would see -- our parents as a young couple, newly in love and afraid about the war. The letters are a family treasure. Of all the things we have acquired since their deaths, they remain the most precious of all. -- MARY IN PHOENIX